Happily Ever After – Introduction

This is going to be one of the hardest and toughest things I am going to have to write. To publically open all my wounds again, taste every pain, tear, anger, hurt disappointment and love. To be able to hear, to feel all the broken pieces inside, to smell the air the way it smelt during that time, to revisit all the songs that lead me in and then out of a nightmare. In my mind, I believe that this story could help a lot of people, men to know how to treat their women, while giving women the knowledge when to walk out, actually run from an abusive relationship. This might take me longer than all the other stories to write, it may not flow as easily as the rest, rest assured that my state of mind, as my whole being will change, as it happens every time a flash of a memory of what I allowed myself to be in pushes itself into my reality today. Yes I did this to myself, yet with all the research I did and the therapist I went to, I have come to learn and accept that there are abusive men out there, I am allowed to identify with it, and admit to it happening to me. Its hard for anyone to understand what it is like to be in an abusive relationship, it makes no sense to anyone except the ones who were in it, or who are still in it. I remember for as long as I remember that I was one of the many people who used to reprimand women who stayed with bad men, I used to ask them “ why? How could you allow this upon yourself?” and I remember them not knowing how to answer anything more than “I love him, he is not that bad, its probably my fault”. With that statement I would loose my mind and go into a frenzy “how could it possibly be your fault, how???? Cant you see what he is doing, what is wrong with you?”. I gave them no chance, I didn’t understand, I assumed them weak and pathetic, no personality, willing to have a man dictate everything for them in the utmost of horrible ways. Now I understand, now I have no argument all I have is my experience with advice, in hope that it will sink in with them the way it sunk in with me while I was in it. Today I hold myself accountable for everything I say to these women with the advice I give, I don’t judge a woman for allowing this upon herself, I simply cant, as far as I am concerned I was a very strong person, with great will and power and a lot of confidence. I believed that I had nothing but good luck at my heal, I truly believed that everyone loved and cared for me, that my laugh was a symbol of my joyful nature. Never did I ever assume, in my wildest nightmares that I would ever go through this, or be a victim (ohhhh….. its hard even admitting to that word and relating it to myself) of abuse. Its even harder for a grown woman at the ripe age of 35 to admit a mistake of this magnitude, knowing well that she was always supporting her friends to be better women and never to succumb to a man evilness or oppression. The worse part of it is that i was 32 when i made this decision, i was in no way inexperienced, in no way a fool, in no way able to predict my downfall.

Broken...fixing the pieces

There’s a whole lot of songs that took me into this life, songs that romanced me off my feet, and songs that drove me out the door. I am the greatest believer in music, to me its my soul, a window to the answers I need. I do everything with music, I naturally love to dance to it, but also work, paint, meditate, contemplate, write, drive, you name it, I do it with music. SO be aware that in this there will be lots of songs to lead you in the right direction, trust when I say listen to their words carefully.

This is simply an introduction, I hope I didn’t freak anyone out, and no worries I won’t have a nervous breakdown during it…..cross my fingers and hope to GOD I don’t. I need to do this for myself and for all the men and women, in hope that if a woman is going through this that she leaves, or if her man reads this, he fixes it before its too late for both parties to ever live a life of good love.

To be continued…….Happily Ever After – Chp. 1 (a love story) this may be too dramatic for some, so i will be posting happy things in parallel to this story 🙂


About Rana Zaben
I help people feel their best and create a solid second income to enjoy the best things in life.

2 Responses to Happily Ever After – Introduction

  1. Dora says:

    I think this is great! A way of therapy is to write out what you have been through or what you felt, and still feel. It brings alot more realization to light.
    Look forward to reading more and getting into your Intuitive Mind! :))

  2. Thanks D so much…..your are wonderful habibity. I will be putting up some more pictures once i photo shop some.

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