Happily Ever After – chapter 3

The days and nights were all about Mark John, I had no room for anything else in my life. He was there, in everything I did and said, my heart would ach when he would leave, it would physically hurt me. We would express our desires to spend time together, how it was so hard being so far apart. In one of our phone calls we played a tone of games together to entice the other to speak more freely about who they are, how their life has been like all those years. We used to wonder why we never hooked up in school, if we only knew that it would be this powerful and intense we would have been married with teenage kids by now.

I could not ask for anything more, it was like every wish I ever had regarding my soul mate came true. All those years of knowing my soul mate was out there sure that we would be so compatibly in love were true. I woke up to his phone calls and we fell asleep to one another’s voices as the light of the new day would start announcing its self in both our cities. The world could not contain the joy I was in, my heart could not imagine another kind of love. To me, the world I was living in was a romantic novel that I always believed I was the one person in life who will have that fairy tail love story happen to. Mark John was that love story, Mark John was that man, no one was able to love me more or show me more love and I was sure that he was the only person I could totally be myself with without being judged.

The beaches

I remember that a month and a half into our dating, I had promised one of my best friends who lives in LA to go visit her. Naturally I worked it around the one weekend that Mark John could not make it down to Montreal cause he had a business meeting in another state. I remember it so well, cause it was already so devastating that we would not be able to see one another for that weekend. We were on the phone every possible second till I got myself on the plane; I sat there waiting to land just to be able to get in touch with him again. I called him the second I landed and he bestowed upon me a thousand kisses with a thousand more loving words. I was not walking anymore; I was floating on a cloud that was perfectly cushioned by Mark John love. Our phone calls had to die down a bit cause I did need to spend time with my friend, as I assumed he needed to spend time in his meetings for work also. Little did I know that he was unable to have any day go by without our 6 hour phone calls. We settled for a 2 hour phone call a day, and crazy sms’s the rest of the day. My friend was starting to get offended at the times we spent on the phone together between sms’s and phone calls. She begged me to spend time with her away from my phone, but it was so hard to do, I mean, really I was like a fish out of its element. His phone calls were the few drops of water that would revive my whole being again. He was frantic when he could not find me, he would plan the exact time he can call to talk to me, his sms’s would be intense, full of missing me and loving me. We were spending our first ever valentines away from one another and he wanted to make it a point that we do something special for that day the following weekend. Just that statement in itself would have been enough for any girl to drool over her man, the need to please her and give her a great valentines.

The weekend after my return, we were like two people super glued to one another it was as though we had been dead and just revived again in one another’s arms. I got used to him being there, I got used to the attention that was overwhelming, how could I ever live without this person! It felt like we had been together for more than only two months. He would sit and calculate how often we were together (phone, weekends, sms’s, e-mails) and tell me that as of the amount of time we are together, then we have really been together for six months not two months. My heart would flutter with joy with his intensity of expression and desire for this to work out.

As we broached the topic of our ex’s for the second time around, I needed to know for my own sanity if this was his way with everyone or was it only with me? Lucky for me (really lucky) he confessed to his horrible ways with women, that he was never interested enough in them to put in the effort, that he used to treat them badly and pay no attention to them. He didn’t feel anything like the way he felt for me, although they all fell in love with him and would do anything to have him. That was naturally a male self ego boost that I didn’t make much of, from what I saw and knew thus far, this man was a gem to keep and fight for. I never paid attention to the fact that he used to love calling himself an ass****, that he was evil not such a good guy. I would hear him say that and cuddle him, defending him from himself, it became our cute thing to do. We discussed the male/ female relationships and that men and women can’t be best friends cause there will always be sexual tension there especially if one or the other feels something towards that person. He completely agreed with me, and I felt glad to know this cause of my issues with people cheating on their partners with their friends. That is when I heard the name “Ellen” for the first time.

Ellen was his best friend that he broke up with a month before we met, as it turns out, she was a friend with benefits. My utter shock was how a person can ever put themselves in that position, and I reprimanded him for doing such a thing to a girl, keeping her hopes up that he might fall in love with her. He told me that she never was in love with him, that they were best friends and some times would have sex together when they were lonely, but it was not the essence of their relationship. As I kept hearing what he was saying, I forced myself not to think of him in a bad way, convincing myself that he has been a bachelor living on the wild side. Then to my crushing surprise he tells me that all her things are still at his house, that she comes in every once in a while to get her stuff and tries to find out why he is changed and doesn’t want to sleep with her anymore. My eyes open wide, stare at him and say “Excuse me? Your keys are still with her……she comes and goes as she pleases. AND she asks what is wrong with you lately and YOU HAVE NOT TOLD HER THAT YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND???!!!” my tone of voice getting louder as I say this, not noticing that I am actually removing myself from the chair ready to walk away.

He grabs my arm before I have a chance to leave as he promises me that he will tell her tomorrow once he arrives back home and take the extra key from her. I calm myself down, as he continues to tell me “baby girl” (yes that was the nick name he baptised me with) “ habibty, you could have just told me that is what you want without all that anger and I would have done it” so lovingly so warmly, I felt embarrassed at my outburst, cooled down with flutters of love in my eyes for him. He reminded me about his secret sentence that I should use when I need to ask him for something “Mark John, make it happen” I laughed so hard, and Ellen was out of the picture forever. What a man, I just could not believe how he took care of things and didn’t want anything to upset me at all. I was utterly and madly in love with him by then.

Songs that we heard at the time:

Massari Real love

He loved this song when he first heard it, we would sometimes have it on repeat when we would sit and play backgammon together. I think he derived my nickname from the song, although he never admitted to it.

Sting – Shape of my Heart

Also on repeat with the above song. This was played for a while when he was trying to confess how he feels about me.

Vol. 6-Buddha-Bar

This was music i liked to have in the background playing as we talked for hours on end


We were both calming down on the partying side of life, he told me that he used to go to strip bars with his work colleagues’ to make work deals, how they would get plastered and hammered, these were his favourite stories, how he made the deal in the strip clubs, what an intelligent man he was. Today, he is a different man, he told me that those places don’t interest him anymore, and he would never ever drink like that again in his whole life. I was with my ultimate soul mate, everything in common, all this love, mental and physically, we were perfect and beyond.

A few days after his return, he called me to tell me that he took his keys away from Ellen and told her about us. Ellen flipped out, went mad wanting to see my picture to compare who was prettier and why he chose me over her. I was shocked at what he was saying, he said she felt nothing for him, when I told him it was impossible he truly made me believe I was nuts for thinking otherwise. Now he was proving I was right about my whole concept of male and female being best friends. Mark John did everything to make me believe that I was right, and how blinded he was that he never saw it, and now I have made him feel so guilty about it that he wants to make sure she is fine. What I later found out, was that she was also his tax accountant, a free tax accountant therefore making it harder for him to really break all ties. I forced him to stop talking to her entirely and start paying for a tax accountant for once. He was so happy to do that, so pleased to do anything for me especially that it could ever build insecurity within me. He got rid of her, and that was the end of that.

This was a picture we took together before i leave so that he could have a copy and i could have a copy so we can look at it remembering our bond. This was one of my favourite positions in taking pictures, as it so happens it was his too.

The month of March came into view and I had to go back to Cairo to spend time with my work and family. The sadness was intense; he would call me begging me not to leave him alone, begging me to cancel. i ended up postponing my trip till the end of the month, since my parents knew nothing of him yet, and I really needed to go back for 2 months for work. He was so much more attached that I was worried about him and was trying everything to stay longer in Montreal. He took a five day leave and came to stay in Montreal till I would take off to Cairo, not wanting to spend anytime away from me till I left. My heart was aching me so hard from all this love and need he had for me, I wanted to heal him, but had no way of doing it. There were times where we would both fall asleep on the phone late at night and I would hear him say “please don’t go, Baby Girl please don’t leave me”. Other nights he would have me read to him from a book, when he couldn’t sleep cause my voice got him calm and relaxed. Those were the days he was stressed at work and needed my voice (since I could not be there physically) to help him.

The time came where I left to Cairo, one of the saddest days I had to ever face at the time. This was a good test to see how we would survive without one another and I was ready to face it. The only problem was that a week before that we decided to quit smoking together to keep up the bond when I am far away. He bought me four boxes of Chantex (a pill to stop smoking) and put a sponge Bob sticker with hearts on each box so I remember him. So we were ready for the split, we had our non smoking selves in separate countries not to get any of our tempers out on one another. Life was wonderful, he was wonderful, I was wonderful. He got me so used to him being there with every breath i took, i didn’t know how to breath without him. As far as i knew, he was feeling even worse than i was, he was beyond devastated telling me that its the worst time for me to leave, what if things change cause i left at the crucial point of two people falling in love. We had reached our 3 month point, which comforted him allowed peace to start between us until he decided to add the six months relationship rule on us. So now i had another three months to go to prove i loved him as much as he did. He could not get over the fact that we never fell in love at the same time, that when i first laid my eyes on him i didn’t fall in love with him and it took me a few days to have a crush on him. He would repeat over and over again how is it possible that he loved me from first sight yet i never did. I thought that was the cutest thing in the world.

I left to Cairo, again crazy phone calls, but now the cost of the phone calls were too high, he also had the same problem but didn’t even care, not the least bit. I remember clearly him saying that Tamer his best friend in Abu Dhabi (remember the story of the shocking truth? that same Tamer) had spent thousands of dollars on phone bills to his girlfriend in Jordan. He would then complement himself on spending more money on our relationship than Tamer had spent, i laughed (i always laugh) thinking he was kidding around. We maintained sms’s his nights were my days and my days were his nights, our collaboration in life were different now, but we still maintained our smoke free connection. My friends knew all about him, some girls were complaining about their husbands or boyfriends, and i would boast so much about how great the man i have is, and retail all the stories of his loveliness. I was the envy of all, cause he was also always on the phone. I would wake up to his good night calls, and he would not sleep before i call him for his good night kiss. A week after doing this and getting in rhythm with our new accommodations, i wake up to no sms or phone call from him, assuming he is busy in a meeting, yet very unlike him. My instincts start to speak up but i don’t hear it, only panic for his safety kicks in. I try through out the day to get hold of him with no response from his end or any contact. a whole twenty four hours later, as i sit up all night worried to death, he calls me. I jump on the phone for dear life, panicked that he was in hospital all alone in New Jersey. As i listen in carefully to his slurred hello, i start to panic, is he hurt or is he drunk? yup, totally wasted, completely drunk and driving on the highway to reach his home. He was telling me how drunk he was, how he was driving into trees, how he cant see without having to close one eye. I asked him where he was, how dare he leave me panicking like that, he says he went to the strip club with his friends from work, got wasted to hell and back, but he loves me so much. I told him that i have trying to get hold of him from morning, its already nearly 24 hours later, where was he since then? at the strip club? In all his drunkenness he confessed to having seen Ellen for lunch, where they spoke for hours about ONLY his taxes. I was shocked, everything he said he didn’t do and wouldn’t do, he did? I stayed on the phone till i made sure he got the key in the door, told him good night and good bye. To me (as i still had most of my strength in tact, i was still free enough to leave) lying was not an option at all, to me it was all over.

Insights to keep in a diary:

For women:

1-A man who has ever had a F*** Buddy (friend with benefits) is not a man who respects women much or how they feel. It is a man who misleads the woman to believe that he is not ready to settle down but he cares for her a lot. Not worth trusting him with yourself or heart.

2-Love in romance novels only stays in romance novels, they are not real, and if it happens to you….RUN

3-Do not ever give up your mental time for a man who wants it all day long, as romantic as it sounds and feels, you must know that it is a way to get you  hooked on his drug, so you are unable to live without it when its gone.

4- NEVER ignore how they talk about women in general, how they perceive their mom (Mark John hated his mom so much, and loved his dad more than God) and the way they talked about their girlfriends. Very important is the fact that they got married for an ulterior motive to someone before you.

5- A man is only as good as his word.

For Men:

1-It would always be nice for a woman to be swept of her feet especially if she is a romantic at heart, do not use this to your advantage to get the girl to believe your all that. Always remember Karma.

2- Once you make a promise you must always keep it, it is vital that you represent yourself always as a person who can be relied on. The definition of what a man should be is honest, gentle with his woman and trustworthy.

About Rana Zaben
I help people feel their best and create a solid second income to enjoy the best things in life.

2 Responses to Happily Ever After – chapter 3

  1. Dora says:

    I like your advice here alot Rain. It feels true and tried!
    Women should NEVER silence their gut feeling and their intuition. And another common thing out species falls into is thinking a man is going to change! A man WILL NEVER change, unless he does it for himself, by himself. Definately NOT for a woman.

    Its funny how when we hear of a man’s past with other women, we think its amazing how he is the total opposit with us, naively thinking: ” he;s changed cuz he is finally in love!” Really, sometimes we really need to wake up and smell the damn coffee! The signs are all there, hitting us right in the face. But we, as naive and desperate for love as we are, think we are hit in the face by “love.”
    Out of mere respect for our gender, we should not even allow ourselves to date, or fall for a man who used to treat women in any condescending manner! We owe it to our fellow females! And that would be his ultimate lesson; to fall in love with you, and YOU turn around and say: ” sorry, YOU are not my type of man!”
    But we are so light hearted when it comes to such things, always thinking, he;s changed, or I will never allow myself to be in such a position as those previous women he walked all over…
    Get out when you can!
    A good man, is a good man all over. He has morals, and principles and sticks to them, and of course keeps his word.

    Its the signs, the little hints, or sometimes BIG hints that something just does not feel right, or sound right.
    Its always much better to be without such a man early on, than to be healing from his poison for years to come.

  2. Hi Dora,
    It is lovely having you give your insights on this chapter and most other things i wrote. You expressed yourself beautifully here, i do hope that people read what you wrote and take it into consideration if they are dating someone with a few of the mentioned things in the story.

    Great to hear from you

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