Happily Ever After-Chapter 4

Looking back at that day where all the truths I believed I knew turned into lies, I realize today with utmost that I had lost the greatest opportunity to have walked out gracefully from the relationship. With such pain I disclose to you today that there were two large incidents that took place at the time of my Cairo trip where I could have easily stopped all the upcoming events from becoming a part of my reality back then, and a bitter memory today.

The phone was placed next to my bed on the bedside table ringing…. Ringing…. Ringing….. as I persisted on silencing it. At around noon time, I decided to pick up, maybe hear what he had to say to understand who he was, who this person I was in love with was. I interrogated him about the previous night. He told me that he had not done this in a really long time, and it was a fluke that his stopping smoking was driving him mad, he needed a breather cause I was not there with him, his loneliness was killing him, how I shouldn’t have left him there. I listened half heartedly to what he had to say, as I moved on to the next topic that lingered in my mind. I asked him where he had been all day? Wondering if he will tell me the truth as he did last night. He told me he cant remember but he was very busy with work, and he is sitting in a cold tub of water to get rid of the alcohol toxins in his body, so he cant remember what he did. As I started  confronting him about seeing Ellen his breathing got heavier and a new lie was working its way from his mind into the phone. He said he forgot about it, that is how insignificant it was, that they were having a quick lunch that lasted no more than an hour cause she called to help him with his taxes. Mark John started to explain his embarrassment in denying her to see him especially that it had to do with his taxes and she was doing him a favor. I sat silently listening, burning up inside, Mark John used to always call me on his lunch break as a mid day phone call to make us feel like nothing changed with my being in Cairo. I told him he should have called and told me, responded to my phone call when I called all day worried sick about him. He apologized as he started to elaborate on the fact that I was the first person he called when he was drunk out of his mind, that I should find it romantic that I was the only one he called, this should prove to me how much he loves me. I ignored all that talk, it was a weak mans plea for forgiveness and I was not ready to accept it. I went back to Ellen’s subject, I wanted to understand how he asked her to leave his life and told her about me yet she went so out of her way to still help him with his taxes. His explanation for that was to actually tell me that they had a conversation about me, Ellen asked to see my picture and when she did she told him that he is an idiot for choosing me over her, that she was a thousand times prettier. He went on and on about horrid things she said about me and glorified the fact that most of the lunch meal was spent on him defending me cause of his love for me. I spent the next three days shutting the phone on him or telling him I can’t accept a person like that in my life. At the end, he promised never to drink and drive like that again, never to see Ellen again especially that she talks so badly about me and still wants to sleep with him, and no more strip clubs. Things went back to normal, and his intensity grew stronger.

A month later, my parents were having problems and it was hurting my heart so much that I wanted anything to console me about it. One specific day, it got really bad and I needed Mark John to lend me a supporting ear. I called him, we did the whole lovey Dovy thing on the phone, then I started to cry. He asked what was wrong with me, if it was something he did. I thought it was so sweet of him, so I confided in him about my parents’ situation at hand. Mid way through my talk to him, he asked me to stop. He said to me “This is non of my business, I am not interested in what is happening with your parents, this is something you should work on your own. I told you before that you cant talk to me about anything dramatic. I simply don’t care. This is your problem not mine.” I could not believe it, my tears stopped falling as they dried on my face. I got off the phone politely and stopped answering his calls. He did the whole lovey Dovey stuff and then we were back on track again. This time even stronger than before cause again he gave me an elaborate explanation of his thought pattern, telling me that us kids should never get involved, as he disclosed something about his own parents issues that he never interfered in. His words were smooth as silk on my heart and his reasoning seemed very plausible

One and a half months  into my Cairo trip I decided to book my return flight three weeks in advance for his sake. He was ecstatic on the phone and couldn’t wait for the day to come. We planned it so that he would arrive to Montreal the same day I arrive from Cairo so that we could not miss a single day of my return back to our part of the world.

This was a picture taken before i left to Cairo. As you can see we still had cigarettes in our hands. This was our weekly trip.

Our meeting was spectacular, he lavished me with compliments cause I lost weight(one hell of a sign that completely went past me back then). He couldn’t keep his hands off me, and I couldn’t keep mine of off him. The weather had gotten so much better, there was no more snow, so our walks were filled with more exciting things to do. We went hiking in the mountain that was right behind my house, we went swimming in the pool right after the hick. We went out for dinners, tried every restaurant we could find, went shopping (mainly for him cause he loved to shop as he took my opinion) Time went by peacefully, we were madly in love, and all the arguments in Cairo disappeared forever out of my mind and heart.

Then one day, another incident took place when he came down for a weekend, something that took me by surprise. He was heading back to New Jersey and I was dropping him off to the airport, the cab driver started to talk to us but then the conversation died out and there were a few minutes of silence, my heart was so sad to have him go again as we cuddled in the back seat of the cab as we both looked out of the window. I started to ask him something about his work, a problem he was having that was supposed to be resolved when he just gently pulled me away from him and asked me to give him some silent time the whole cab ride to the airport. A few minutes later I see a factory with “Hyundai” in large bold letters on the outside of the building, I turned to him with a huge smile on my face as a memory we both shared in our childhood started flashing across my mind. Before I knew it, I was singing the advertisement song we grew up on for Hyundai cars. He stares at me, his eyes looking mad, his face crunching up, as the harshest words I have ever heard from a soul came out of his mouth “Didn’t I tell you that I want quiet time? Didn’t I say no talking till we get to the airport? And why are you singing, who the hell told you that you have a good voice? Did your mom lie to you as a child and tell you that you have a good voice?” His tone was aggressive and loud, his eyes were crazy his whole entire features changed. I sat there, my mouth half opened, not understanding what just happened.  Was this man telling me to be quiet? Was this man really yelling at me and telling me that my voice sucked? Could this be a joke of the universe or is this Mark John in his true nature? As the cab got to the airport, I sat there staring outside the window contemplating all those questions in my head. In the mean time Mark John was trying to joke around by poking me and making funny noises, I couldn’t hear him, I couldn’t look at him, he was like a distant noise in the back of my head. We got out of the cab, me in a trance of some sort and him all funny and sweet. As we walked into the airport, I turned around and left him walking straight and fast to the closest cab available. He ran after me, yelling at me begging me to stop walking, I could not even think of stopping, my legs were moving as my brain kept repeating his words in the cab. He jumped in front of me bringing me to a halt; I stared at him with anger seeping out of me. He apologized non stop when out of nowhere a voice I never knew I had came rushing out of me. I was never a yeller it was not in my nature, I didn’t even know that I knew how to do it, but at that moment in time, that was all I had to offer, my voice in its highest of pitches. I told him never to get in touch with me again, that we are completely over, no one ever is allowed to speak to me this way as I storm off. The whole cab ride he calls me, and I do not answer, I get to the house and find a tone of messages on my answer machine from him begging me to pick up the phone. Upon his arrival he kept calling over and over again but I didn’t pick up the phone, I was in bed, crying, not believing what just happened. The next day he pursued me through sms’s and more phone calls, apologizing the whole time. By the end I picked up the phone, and I got so many promises that this will never happen again, that he was not in his right frame of mind, how its not him and I should know that by now. Naturally we were back together again, and things were wonderful all over again. Sms’s all day, phone calls throughout the day, e-mails the works.

May 25th Mark john decides that we need to go hiking in the mountain, I was not really in the mood, I wanted a coffee shop to sit in while watching passersby. We had a great thing we loved to do together, which is to observe all the people around us while we sit and discuss them. We went for our hike, and Mark John proposed to me that day, down on one knee, surrounded by the lush green trees as the sun was setting upon the adjacent lack. It was the perfect proposal, he did it three times, once in English, once in Arabic and the third time down on one knee asking me to be the mother of his children. We laughed all day long as the light of day wished us a good night to come. One of his old friends from school, as it turns out, was living in Montreal, so we were gonna go spend the rest of the evening with them for the first time, in celebration of our engagement. The night was beautiful, the couple we were with were great, we laughed all night long and joked around. That was the day that Mark John took his first cigarette and gave me my first cigarette after three months of being non smokers.

During all this time, I had not noticed how hooked up on him I was, he would do small things that would make me doubt him, yet in return he would do wonderful things that would make me fall in love with him all over again.  So I ignored everything wrong that was happening only focusing on the grand love gestures he was doing. At the same time, everyone I would try to get an opinion from about my doubts in this relationship would always tell me “ no one is perfect, you need to stop this romantic thing you have, everyone does bad but you have to weigh it out” and when I did weigh it out, the good would overtake the bad completely, not cause I was an idiot, cause the good were very large obvious things as the bad were tiny subliminal messages that I could not hold as proof for anything.

He had asked me not to tell me parents that he proposed yet, cause he wants to do it the Arabic way, where he goes to ask for my hand in marriage from my father. At the same time, he didn’t want to tell his parents yet, not until he knew when he would go to propose officially to my dad. We would sit for hours on the phone as he would calculate the months we have been together, and when would be a good month to propose so that my dad takes him seriously. At the end, we decided that July would be a good time, since I was having a really hard time hiding such a thing from my family and best friends.

One fine day, as we were walking in the late evening on the streets of Montreal ( we used to do this a lot so that we excises and indulge in deep talks). This one particular evening Mark John decided to disclose all his secrets about his grandest friendship with the best person he ever met in his whole life, he decided to spend three hours talking about Ellen. She was perfect, she was beautiful, people would stop her in the mall to ask for her hand in marriage from how breathe taking she was. She was the smartest person he ever met; close to his intelligence (he boasted so much about his IQ level and his greatness of his brain, this was always, not only on this night). How they picked their fruits together, cooked together, took care of a squirrel together in his back yard. The fact that she knew five languages, how her genetics were pure and perfect. How she and him would have made the best babies together cause of the amazing genetic pool they both have. This man would not stop, and I being the person I am, would never stop a man from talking about another woman, my dignity was above and beyond putting myself in that position ever. To me if a man was decent he would never talk about his ex girlfriend or sex buddy to his girlfriend or fiancé. As we walk back to my apartment he is still talking about her beauty how people just stare at her, he looks at me, in a surprised look and says “ oh my GOD, I cant believe it, look how all those men are looking at you!!!! They are staring at you although you are only wearing sweat pant and a regular top AND your hair is up. Interesting that you also have men looking at you too while you’re in this state. I guess its not only Ellen that gets that type of attention.” He then holds my hand lovingly like he won a prize and didn’t realize it till then. Little did I know that he was slowly chipping away at my confidence.

Insights to write in your diary:

In this part, before i write down my insights for you, i am interested to know what insights you have for Chapter 4? Would love to hear your feedback on it. Those subtle messages that are so obvious to everyone but the victim.


About Rana Zaben
I help people feel their best and create a solid second income to enjoy the best things in life.

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