Happily Ever After – quick note

In order to understand more about me so you can relate to me more i have decided to explain who i used to be prior to MJ’s entrance into my life.

I was a very free spirited person my main interests were relationships guidance, energy healing, art works of all sorts from charcoal to glass cutting. I loved music more than imaginable since i grew up with it in my house all my life (both my parents are music lovers). Dancing was always a way to release any pent up happiness or sadness, therefore me and my best friend were the most prominent figures in all our high school dances, right in the middle of every dance group. Movies always were a part of my life since i loved to entertain the notion that they always had some sort of insight to offer.

I was a people person and got along with all ages and cultures since i lived in a variety of countries as i was growing up, making me flexible in obtaining comfort and new friends easily. As far back as i can remember my house was always filled with people, and most of the times it would be my friends coming in and out with the great warmth from my parents towards them. I loved a full house, i was used to always entertaining in it, and always in a casual easy way, making it more enjoyable for people to walk in as they wish.

I hardly ever knew how to cry (even as a child, i was told that my mom would wake up to a light banging on the wall, as she would go around in search of where the sound would be coming from she would see me hitting my head against the wall expressing my true hate for my sister who was one year old then, i was 4 years old) i would only smile, and laugh as all the emotions were perfectly bottled up inside. This was also me when i grew up, i didn’t really know how to access tears, i went to various energy healers to allow me the comfort of tears which would help rarely.

I was a very peaceful person in nature, it took a lot out of a person to get me close to anger. I was gentle spoken and could not hurt anyone in anyway since i had the disorder of always feeling guilty for days after. I would always feel that if i said this or that in a certain way i could hurt or offend the other person, i would always put myself in their shoes, making me think about how that would make me feel.

I loved reading romance and mystery novels, sometimes horror but then i stopped cause i was unable to ever sleep at night alone. I got scared of my own shadow, there was always a spooky story roaming around in my head making the dark spaces a nightmare to be in alone.

I was always an optimist person seeing the good in everyone hardly ever seeing the bad except for those who really went out of their way to do me bad. I believe that love, romance and the concept of soul mates gave me a tender outlook on life, always through pink coloured glasses regardless of the situation around me. I found people were pretty, even the ones that others would make fun of how ugly they looked, for some strange reason i never saw that ugliness in them, i only saw how attractive those people were. I remember a time when my aunt asked me for my opinion about this not so good looking guy, and i turned around and told her that i thought he had a good look to him, she looked at me in shock, wondering how could that be possible. I remember telling her that until this very day age of 24 i have never seen any ugly people. My faith and belief in humanity over took their exterior physical looks. At rare occasions, when someone i knew would go on for more than a year of back stabbing and hurt, its as though a veil would be removed off my pink coloured eyes and i would be able to see them for who they really were.

I always needed time off on my own, to go mediate, read a book, dance to my music, write in my diary or paint. My friends used to tell me that they never understood the times i would just take off on my own for a day maybe two days to just collect myself. I would not answer phone calls or allow anyone into my room if i was in a painting mood. Sometimes i would just go in the car and drive for hours and hours and hours with loud music to evaluate something in my mind. I liked to have the freedom to leave and come back and find things the way i left them.

Reason for telling you all the above is to make you understand the personality change after MJ entrance into my life. There were things he would complain about me, or put me down when they never existed before but i started to believe that they did exist cause of the constant verbal abuse.

Chapter 6 soon to follow……..It is getting harder and harder to deal with this story writing as the events get closer and closer to the pain. I was unable to work today cause of the memories that i thought i forgot about.

Always a pleasure writing to you all. Have a wonderful day

About Rana Zaben
I help people feel their best and create a solid second income to enjoy the best things in life.

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