Happily Ever After – Chapter 9

The strange thing about love is that it walks hand in hand with blindness. In saying that I need to say that the lucky ones end up engaging in this “love-blindness” with the right person, and there are those who are unlucky and they engage themselves in the “Love-Blindness” with the wrong person. As it just so happens I was one of the unlucky ones when it came to “love-blindness”. The man I chose to spend the rest of my life with was a man who was extremely different in every way possible to any man I had ever dated before. There was no pattern that i had ever faced before to indicate to me that I was moving into a RED ALERT zone, that I was walking right into a situation that would rip away everything I knew to be true.

Late at night as I sat on my bed contemplating the absurdness of my relationship and the man I chose to be with. My friends were having a hard time communicating with me, I was never fully there, my ability to think outside of my situation was close to impossible. My family was starting to worry about me, I hardly smiled or spoke much, I was living in my head MJ being the main star of the movie that I played over and over again in my mind. The phone rings and it’s MJ on the phone. I anticipate a plan, a strange manipulative plan to make me stay with him yet still get his way as he did everything else so far. Naturally, the IQ that he so highly spoke of all came in handy in allowing him to maneuver around me in the smartest of ways.

Baby Girl, I can’t live without you, you are everything in my life. I don’t care what my parents think cause I don’t believe what they believe.”  With a soft loving voice he continues to give me every example of all the couples he knows who were happily married today being married to older woman. I tell him that its ridiculous, i am not an older woman like the examples he is giving me, i am THREE months older which does not make me fall under the category of his stories. He continued to provided me with a ton of examples, he showered me with undying love, tender words that swayed my heart, he reeled me in all the way back in. It was at that moment in which I knew there was no turning back for me, i was fished out of the water to grasp for air. He promised NEVER to bring up the surrogate mother issue ever again. I made him promise, I told him that in any time in our future lives together if he brings it up again I will leave him and walk out on the whole thing regardless of the situation. My threats were of no value, he knew how to touch my warm spot, he knew what to give me….. to keep me.

The wedding plans were starting to take form, we would call the wedding planner to see if he needed anything from us as we would hope that he wouldn’t because both our times were crammed and I could not drive down to Abu Dhabi often enough to keep track on things. MJ on the other hand was starting to tell me that this was my job as the woman, to take care of all the wedding plans and only get back to him for the money issue, if need be. Other issues were starting to open up regarding our roles as what is the woman’s role and the male ‘s role, which were against every reason why I ended up falling madly in love with MJ to begin with. I refused to drive all the way down when he lived in Abu Dhabi and he could finish the ten minute appointment in no time. He kept procrastinating wanting to spend more time with the boys instead of handle any pending issues, making it seem as though it was all my fault. Lucky for us the wedding planners were extremely competent in what they do for a living and therefore we only had to go for the initial visit, then three other times to give them our input on the flower arrangements, the color theme,our first dance song or payments. By that time MJ had taken back his dedicated love song “chasing Cars” from me, making it an ugly memory that would ignite all the bad events that I was refusing to acknowledge.

One day as I was sitting next to him in the car,” chasing cars” came on the radio, I got a flood of the romance we had lived before Abu Dhabi and expressed it to him with a wide smile and a little dance in the car showing my enthusiasm to hear it. He cooly looks at me with the side of his eyes, lowers the song and tells me that he is over that song. “That song means nothing to me baby girl, I am sick of it now” were the first words I heard in the midst of my excitement. I stopped mid way as I looked at him with hurt written all over my face saying “I thought it would be our first dance song for the wedding! It was your first dedicated song to me.” He laughed with that cold sarcastic tone that was starting to alert me to the upcoming painful words that were surely coming my way. “Haboob” he said as he took a deep breath in “My One and Only…. you have to think properly about this, Baby Girl we want a song that we will always hear on the radio, not something that we will never hear in a year. So this will definitely not be our first dance song, we need something more romantic, something to show how perfect we are for one another.”      I smile then cause I remembered a time in Montreal when we heard the song “to really love a woman” he had told me that he loves me that much that this song will be our first dance song in our wedding. I will never forget that day. We were going out to a romantic dinner together, I wore a dress I had just purchased, as I went down to meet him, he looked at me with such awa and the first words to come out of his mouth as he grabbed me by the waist were “I cant believe that this beauty will be the mother of my children one day. I will walk around proudly saying you’re my wife for the rest of my life” It was one of the many romantic things MJ knew how to do so well. We slow danced that night to our future wedding song (although he hates to slow dance and I used to love it) and the words over flowed the air with tender love filled with kindness.

I clapped my hands with joy and took a deep look at him as he moves his hand from the steering wheel to caress my hand and kiss it as was his habit that i loved so much. Before allowing him to continue his sentence I jump up…..wrap my arms around his neck feeling his warm chuckle vibrating from his chest and i say to him  “Oh MJ” as the smile broadens on my whole face “You remembered sweety, our first dance is ‘to really love a woman”. I am so happy that the MJ I lost in Abu Dhabi has come back to life and all the love and romance were about to open up all over again.

“No haboob, no way that song, I can’t believe you wants a song where only the guy will be singing such love to the woman. Do you not love me enough to want to make our first dance a woman’s voice song so that the people know how much you love me?” My arms slide off, my eyes tear up, I daze off into the memory that has been so cruelly destroyed sit back on my seat and voice my disagreement of the whole concept with sheer vengeance at him. We come to a compromise by the time we reach the wedding planner and decide to put duet.

A little secret that no one knows about was that I always assumed that my Soul Mate would be in love with the same song I was in love with “ If you’re not the one”. I was hoping against all odds that he would fall in love with the song and agree to having it in our wedding. As the wedding planner played an abundance amount of songs to us “if you’re not the one” was played, I looked at him to see his reaction. Blank. Absolutely nothing, so when I hinted that I loved the song, he made fun of it and brushed it off. That was the end of that.

Our last visit to the wedding planner had been set up for a week, I made sure to leave work early to drive all the way down to Abu Dhabi. There was a plan as to how we will meet to go there together, I was to meet him at his office, park my car and get into his car. God forbid if I ever even wanted to drive him anywhere, the sarcasm would start with no end. Women were terrible drivers, and to him I was the better of the worst yet I was still a woman so my driving was supposed to be terrible. Those car rides would turn into a nightmare ride, fights and arguments, him directing my way, closing his eyes, grunting and swearing. Yet with all that, he would freely tell me how he drives worse than me, but I was a woman and that was wrong for his image. I was always confused, everything that i knew i did really well, like my car driving, was put down, made fun or or criticized till i would loose my grip on myself,

That ghastly day came along and I was on my way to him. He  said that he will be waiting outside the office for me so we can rush there and not be late since it looks like we are gonna be running late. I call him as dictated to me five minutes before I get there. I park the car and wait for him to get out for me to shut my music and move into his car. Ten minutes later I call him to tell him that I will meet him there, he refuses promising he is shutting off his computer and coming out this very minute. As promised he does walk out a minute later with Samael and other two men from work. I am about to switch off the engine when I notice that he is at a halt talking to the guys with him. I continue to wait as the sun starts to go down and the time is moving along. i know you are wondering why I didn’t just go and stand with them, but for some reason I felt that I shouldn’t do that, something strange inside was telling me to stay in the car. Maybe a previous incident that I didn’t remember, maybe something he had cunningly put in my mind at some point. Whatever the reason may have been, I knew better than getting out of the car to head towards him.

Forty five minutes later I decided to get out of the car and stretch out my legs giving him an indication that I was getting mad at waiting for this long when I could have been at work myself finishing things I needed to finish. His friends waved hello to me as Samael came towards me to chat for a bit. Until that very moment MJ didn’t even attempt to come and say hi, just a hand wave and straight back into his conversation.

An hour later he comes over when the sunlight bid us good by and the stars starting to welcome us into its night sky. The other older man was walking with him as MJ introduced us to one another, the man puts his hand out and then says in his emirate accent (which at the time I really didn’t understand at all) to MJ something about think I was his maid. The man laughs so hard at his own joke, I am standing there not understanding what he had just said, MJ’s eyes have turned into piercing fire balls towards me. We say our good byes, the man drives off, MJ gets in his car, I start to yell at how rude he has been expressing in great anguish his lack of respect of anyone else’s time but his own. Not a single word comes out of his mouth, we are driving towards the wedding planner when MJ decides its time to release all his anger directly on me

“ DON’T YOU EVER dream of coming to my office again. You are not allowed anywhere near this place. NO ONE from my job will ever look at you again like that, he called you my maid and was staring at you as if you were a prostitute. THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN, I am a MAN. My reputation is vital, how could you ever step out of the car. Who told you to get out of the car?” I am blown away by the loud yelling his vicious voice vibrating with such venom, I could taste hate. I tell him that it was his lovely plan, that he wanted me to stand there waiting for him for an hour. The fight gets ugly, I yell back telling him he is never allowed to tell me where I can and cannot be. His tone goes low as he stops the car on the side of the road to tell me “If I ever see you again near my office I will cut off my right arm first before ever allowing that to happen. And it was my mistake to have ever to ld you to do that.” We start a yelling competition but my heart cant handle it anymore, the humiliation of his words and demeanor were too much for me to swallow and move on from there. I tell him to take me back to my car that the wedding is off. My voice has lost all its power, I express my desire to never see him again that he has crossed the line far too much this time for me to sit here. Tears start rolling down my face there was no more ability on my end to hold back the tears, to pretend to smile, to yell and scream. I wanted to get out, and I wanted to get out then and there. The panic started to set in. How much longer will I have to stay in this car for? It took us 20 minutes to get to where we were and now anther twenty minutes for him to take me back. Unzipping my bag I search for the pills I had been given by my mom to relax me. I pop the pill, take a deep breath and cry in silence. The car is not moving, he is not talking and I am panicking.

His words start to form on his lips as the tears start to dry up on my face. He begs with all his might that he apologizes for his outburst saying he is under tremendous stress at work. Explaining to me that he was in a heated argument at the office which lead to it continuation when he decided to come to me in the car park. He said that he misses his old self, that Abu Dhabi is draining him taking away his core self and this was not him, I should know better. My tears start to roll down my face all over again my heart felt like it was being ripped in two, the man I fell madly in love with was talking to me now, the MJ of Montreal, yet the scene of the MJ of Abu Dhabi still so fresh in my mind. I was torn between the tenderness of his eyes as he begged for my forgiveness and his ever so recent madness. There were so many words coming my way, so many familiar tones to bring me back to my happy moments with MJ. We sat there for an hour as we worked things out, his empty promises being the only thing I was able to hold on to. By the end of his well thought of “self pity” talk, my heart broke for him, I was still insulted beyond belief as my mind was unable to let go of what just took place but I loved him. I took his words to heart, that he really needed me by his side on this bad journey he was on, I was the only one he could count on he had no one else he could trust, how everyone was back stabbing him and I was the only true thing there. After all that was said and done, when he knew that he got to my heart with all his excuses and apologize, he gave me the choice to drive back to Dubai or to go with him to the wedding planner. My gut was screaming for me to leave, but my guilt for abandoning the man who loved me so much and needed me was over powering my gut. I stayed, we went to the wedding planner, I hated every minute of it, he loved every minute of it. His loving attention was a spectacular show of humor, whit and tender touches which I could not stand. Once we were back in the car again, he lights his cigarette takes a quick glance towards be, then says that he apologizes again for the way he reacted and to please never go to his office again.

It is important for you to know that MJ has a great skill at manipulation with a large degree of narcissism. I believe that the MJ’s in the world are out there hiding behind a charming man with a whole bunch of insecurities ready to be set loose on an unknowing woman. I also need to just highlight that most men are not like MJ, there are great men out there and everyone has their fair share of bads and goods. What I can handle maybe another woman may not be able to handle, that is the way of the world, the beauty of it all. If your man is doing one of the strange things you have read so far, do not make judgment only on that, put the whole picture together. Get all the goods he does and weigh them out with what you, as a woman, are able to handle and what you cant live with no matter how many trials and methods you try. MJ came from a very arrogant family, each one thought they were the brightest of their world, that they knew everything there is to know about life. His home life was very unstable according to many stories I was told by him in private. I will not share those stories for the sake of his own personal privacy within his family, but a word to the wise: take a good look at how this person moves amongst his family, who he is closest too and what their values are in life.

Our wedding day was a week away, there was no more time to think anymore. My friends and family were flying in from all over the world, most of them leaving their husbands taking care of their children back in their home towns. The excitement was everywhere I looked except for inside me. There was a dull emotion within me that I told myself was the cause of the exhaustion. There was a dinner planned for all my friends that had come into town the night before the wedding to get us prepared for the big day. MJ and his pack of boys were all there too and the night went lovely, a show of amazing love was on display from his end (as always when we were around his friends) his eyes would follow me as I mingled with my friends laughing and joking. He would hold my hand and kiss it, butterflies would flicker all over my body, there was no doubt that I was completely taken by this man, he did everything I had ever dreamed of having with the man I would spend the rest of my life with. Once we were done with the dinner me and my girlfriends all went to my hotel room to sit all night to celebrate my upcoming wedding. MJ sent me a thousand messages of how much he missed me, that our day was tomorrow, how happy we will be once we were married and living in the same country for the first time ever. After every argument he would always tell me to keep an open mind and heart concerning our relationship cause things will be fantastic once we get married, we will never fight anymore, that all these fights cause we are frustrated that we don’t live together yet. I believed him; actually I wanted to believe him. To my surprise a year later, I found out that at the dinner party, MJ got the bill and only payed for his friends, me and himself as he made sure that all my girlfriends paid for themselves. I was humiliated when I found that out, never revealing to him that I had known about his disturbing way of showing off to his friends what a gentleman he was when in reality it was the furthest thing from the truth. He major quality, or what he said was his quality was the fact that he never let a woman pay, and that he always has this great need to pay for everyone cause he was such a giving person. I know today, like I know so many other things, I was adamantly lied to about who this person really was, not what he was pretending.

The next day was a new promise to a beautiful dive into the wonders of marriage, all those long awaited promises to come true. Everything i hoped would be my reality from the time i MJ to actually fall right into place.

About Rana Zaben
I help people feel their best and create a solid second income to enjoy the best things in life.

2 Responses to Happily Ever After – Chapter 9

  1. Please tell me that you have called off the wedding.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

    • Hi John,
      I am sure you are glad to know that i got divorced from that man. It took me a while to figure out that i need myself back. I do hope that any woman out there can find a way out and that her friends and family are a good support.

      Kindest Wishes

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