Happily Ever After – Chapter 14

The ugliness continued and him trying to control himself stopped working. I turned to my mom’s best friend who lived in Abu Dhabi then for some help. She was Tamer and Leama mother and when i was younger she was like a mother to me. I had not wanted to interfere anyone in my issues and so avoided seeing anyone who was able the see the pain through my smile. She told me about men and their needs to feel manly, that i should cope with it, how to handle it, i was still unable to tell her all the details but i gave her a quick run down hoping she would be able to give me some useful advice, secretly hoping for her to tell me to leave him and its all not my fault. Knowing how the Arabic society works, women are always to blame, in a way it is their duty to make the marriage work, to take it and make it work no matter what was happening in it. The major things that i should walk out on were if he was cheating on me, not giving with his money (which he really wasn’t), if he didn’t hit me. Everything else was workable, and maybe a child will make things better. I was also blamed for being an extra romantic person therefore expecting things that do not exist. There was no one who understood what i was going through or what was happening to me. Every saw MJ in the great persona he had in front of others, so it was impossible for them to relate the pain i was in with the man they knew.

I went and tried to make things work the best i can with the advice i got. One of the days i panicked that i might be pregnant and MJ was flying with joy at the notion of it. Well that lasted for a few days until he realized that i was worried and didn’t want to have a child yet, then he started saying that he didn’t want a child yet either. I had called Samael twice in my marriage asking for his advice and help, and twice he heard me out and tried to help me, and twice he never called me back to tell me what happened when he spoke to MJ. I had realized that there was no one out there to help us, to help me, to help with this madness i was in.

The great day came when MJ decided to tell me that he planned to go do his hair implant in New York. He told me not to go with him, that i was not needed. i refused to listen to him and i told him that i also needed to get out of the UAE  to breath. Maybe our marriage would get better out of here, maybe we could get close again. After days of argument and discussions, he told me i can come as long as i stay in Montreal at my family house and once his operation is done he will fly down to meet me there and i can take care of him then.

Again i refused, not understanding how he could be going under surgery and me not be there. He then accepted me to be there but with his rules, i was NOT allowed in any way near the hospital that he was getting his surgery in. We would stay for a few days in New York and then go down to Montreal for his recovery where all accommodations were for free …my parents home.

Our next argument was about my pending honeymoon promised by him, and seven months had already passed and he was always telling me how we had no money. So when the New York thing came up i couldn’t swallow the fact that he had money to do a surgery that cost ten thousand dollars plus hotel accommodations for a month (that was when i was not allowed to go with him, and so Montreal was not part of the plan yet). he looked at me and said that it was important for him, that is what mattered, my Italy trip can wait. So i tried to talk sense to him. I wanted us to stop by Europe for a week before we head down to New York, so that i can do what i want and then we do what he wants. That idea was laughed at. He said that he could not afford that much time off work, that his hair was more important to him than my little trip to Europe. Then i was told that he would need three months to re-coup not allowing us to do anything i wanted to do. Meaning that even after his surgery if we wanted to go somewhere or even go around New York, it would be impossible cause he would have to rest and not move. I was also informed that we only had one day prior to the operation to go around New York, some fun for me to do.

Our trips to fugerah would never happen, or Dubai was out of the question.

We had been to fugerah a few times on our own and we had a great time. There was a time when we planned a trip with the whole group, and we were planning it for weeks, i was so excited to leave for vacation outside of my sad home, and everyday i would express that joy to MJ. The day we were meant to leave was Thursday evening, i left work early as per plan,and called MJ to see where he was located? TO my surprise he told me that it was cancelled and he forgot to tell me, its been cancelled for a few days. I then told him fine, then we go. That was the worst moves on my end, cause i got another rude rejection ” I don’t want to go, if everyone isn’t going why would i want to go with you alone? we are already married and we live together that should be enough.” boom another one of MJ famous daily (or shall i say hourly) abuse.

Going back to the states trip, i then tried to negotiate a compromise from him. I said we can have two days in Europe, i was ready to settle with London. He refused that completely. At then end, as always, with so much argument and fights that would follow any conversation, i would be drained, filled to capacity with a sadness i was unable to express.

The plan went as follows, we were to leave together to the states, he was to get his surgery two days after we arrive giving me one day to see New York with him cause the next day he wants to go on his own to New Jersey and meet his work colleagues. I of course didn’t like the New Jersey idea the least bit, especially knowing that Ellen was there. Also the little bit of vacation promised to me was taken away for his pleasure to go to New Jersey all alone, again not wanting me there, making me always feel that i was an embarrassment to be with. He was to have his surgery, then he was to rest for a few days before taking our flight our to Montreal. Of course between each sentence, he would remind me how i was not allowed to go with him to his surgery.

I agreed to all of it, i needed to get out, and one of my best friends lived in New York, and i really needed her sanity outside of the Arab world.

So we left to New York, and that was the beginning of our end.


About Rana Zaben
I help people feel their best and create a solid second income to enjoy the best things in life.

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