Happily Ever After – Chapter 15

New York was wonderful the day we arrived he took me to all the places he loved in New York, we laughed and we held hands the way we used to. Things were great for that ONE day. By night when we got back to the hotel room, he wanted me to sleep in my bed (he got a double room cause he was trying to explain to me how once he did his surgery we could not sleep on the same bed since i was going to be wrapped in bandages and is not allowed to move his position of sleep) so he wanted me to practise from that night how to sleep on a bed alone. I ignored it as i started to do with everything that came out of his mouth. The next day regardless of my plea for us to spend time together doing things in New York, he was still determined to go to New Jersey alone. SO i made plans to meet up with my best friend. That was best thing i had ever done to myself. As i went to meet her, she took one look at me, and was devastated. Sarah was one of the first people to had ever met MJ when we first started dating in Montreal. I had flown down one weekend to spend it with Sarah and MJ and that was where they had first met. She could not believe that i was that same person the first time i met MJ. She didn’t recognize me, she had known me for twenty years, actually more, and so she didn’t know what to make out of the person sitting in front of her. We spoke for hours, i told her everything i was going through, i had so much self doubt, i tried to make her see how it was all my fault. She heard me as i spoke, for the first time someone was hearing me. Then we went over to her house, and she booked me a ticket to Cairo, to go back home to my family and leave him. She said i was in a very abusive relationship and i need to get out before its too late. I went back to the hotel room with my ticket book for the next day, and MJ no where to be seen.

I jumped into my bed after writing MJ a note telling him that i want a divorce and that i am leaving him tomorrow evening, that my flight is booked. i was exhausted from all the crying i did that day, i had someone who believed me and i had the freedom to cry about it all.

He walks in at eleven pm, not a care in the world, not a single phone call to check up on me and see if i am still alive in the vast city of New York. Just a bouncy happy man, walking into the room ready to share his great stories of the day. I pretended to be asleep, he came to wake me up not noticing the note. “Where were you baby girl, i tried to call you but couldn’t find you. I met up with old friends and wanted you to meet them, we had a blast.” I turn to him, tell him to read my note, i am leaving him and i close my eyes and the lights. He freaks out, starts to ask why, his speech changes from anger to love, back and forth he wont stop “I love you why are you doing this?” and then it would change to “Leave i don’t care i told you i would get over you in a week” and then again love, hate on and on it went. And i actually feared my life that night, feared he would attack me in the process. I slept with one eye open and one eye closed.

In the morning he woke up at 8 am came to my bed, and told me i am allowed to go with him to the surgery if that will keep me with him. I ignore him wanting to spit on his face by then but controlling my rage inside. He goes to his surgery, i go pick him up when he was done, he was induced with drugs so he was a sweetheart. He introduced me to his nurse “this is my beautiful wife” and then we walked back to the hotel room. He thought i would still be there since i came to pick him up. As for me i was doing the one last gesture for him of kindness before i had to head to the airport. He sees my bags packed and he hovers into a crying fit. Tears falling every where, him loosing all his so called manly image in front of me the image he tried to portray for the longest time, of a man who never sheds a tear.

I missed my flight, he would not allow me to leave his side, he wanted me to sleep next to him, he couldn’t keep his hands off me. If i moved to go to the bathroom he would get up and ask where i was  going. I cried to that day, we both cried and spoke about our unforgiving state. I will never forget this day, it was the best day i had ever had with MJ, the best memory i could have possibly ask for. And i think it was cause of the drugs he was under that his kind self showed. He helped me rebook my ticket to Cairo since i knew that there was no way i can keep this man drugged up so that our marriage could work. I knew i needed to leave. But there was a bit of hope left in me, i hoped that after our cry things would change and i wanted to give him the space to think things over.

He went to California to stay with his brother and i left to Cairo. He was sending me e-mails everyday, and phone calls and messages. He was just wonderful, i mean wonderful in every possible way. i was falling for him again. Then all of a sudden he was reducing his medication as prescribed by the doctor. He sent me a hell of an e-mail, the longest e-mail i had ever read explaining his hurt and pain of me abandoning him when he was in such a horrible state. The guild ate me up, he made me feel terrible about what i did, everything was my fault and i was convinced he was right. So i went back to my home in Abu Dhabi, wanting to make things up to him, wanting his forgiveness. I wanted it to be a surprise so he didn’t know i was going back to him, i made sure to arrive there a few hours before his flight. I waited at home for him, anticipating the worst expecting the best.

He saw me and his face glowed with love and as he walked in and i went to hug him his face turned to utter anger. I cleaned his scars and put lotion on them, the same way i did the day i missed my flight in New York. I took care of him, yet he was the nothing but rude and aggressive. He slept in the guest bedroom, and would walk in on me in the middle of the night to come hug me, but then when i would ask him to sleep next to me he would grunt and leave to the guest bedroom again. I lost all ability to fight, so when he would want to talk about his pain from me, i would ignore him telling him i was not in the mood. I started acting like MJ the same way he used to act with me before New York. I didn’t care where he went, which would drive him mad, i didn’t care to tell him where i would go, which drove him more mad. I was doing everything he wanted me to do, everything he ever complained about me not doing. I became MJ’s dream and the biggest nigh mare. I think by then i had lost my ability to love him or care for him. MJ started to over do everything i hated him doing, he would go all out of his way to make things more horrible than they were before, but i didn’t care.

One day he nagged me into sitting with him and re-reading his e-mail to me, telling me that i need to understand his pain. I agreed, wanting to end this battle of the strongest and we sat and spoke. It went horribly, and i lost my cool, i went into a rampage, and MJ got his power back. He decided to show me what a good negotiator was like, and got out a pen and paper to show me how it was done. We sat down in the balcony and he started to write. “Watch how i do this and learn” he told me as he put the paper down on the table.

This is the way i want to live, and you tell me if you accept or dont accept.

And the list started as follows:

1- We are only allowed to go out alone together twice a week. ( unacceptable)

2-I dont want to ever go to Cairo (Unacceptable)

3- I will never see your parents again, maybe in three years once i feel that i can (unacceptable)

4- We will have a surrogate mother if you are unable to give me three children (unacceptable)

5-My priority is my work, then you. But you are only a priority if you are in hospital, or accident. Other than that, even if we have a plan to go out for dinner and work calls to meet me, they will naturally come first (unacceptable)

6- I can go out with the boys any time i want to alone without you (unacceptable)

7- I will not go to Dubai to your sisters house or to Dubai ever again (unacceptable)

and the list went on and on………..and my unacceptability grew larger and larger

He then gets up, tells me to re look at the list, he is emotionally drained and needs time off. For me to see what i can do to what i don’t accept. He is going to Samael house now to take a break from me.

He came back at four am, leaving me at home to read his pathetic list. I called him to ask him if he was joking about it and he said he was serious and he needs to get off the phone to sit with Samael and will be back in half hour to see where i stand. The next morning, he wakes up with an uplifted spirit asking me where i want to go eat breakfast. I tell him we are getting divorced. I call my dad in front of him, and tell him “Dad i want a divorce” that was what dad asked me to do at any time i chose to leave MJ.

MJ pretended not to care by asking to help me pack my bags, following all around the house, i told him to please leave me alone “i can breath at last, my nightmare is over. Just leave me alone”

He looks at me with such hurt in his lying eyes “You cant wait to get rid of me that badly. You can breath now. Was i that suffocating to you? how could you hurt me and tell me that”

To that pathetic attempt of making me feel guilty i responded ” I hurt you? Good….so just F*** OFF” and i was out the door to my family friends house.


About Rana Zaben
I help people feel their best and create a solid second income to enjoy the best things in life.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: