Butterflies of Time – Chapter 2 – Emma

In a far away land across the deserts and the seas a young girl named Emma was born. Her head rested gently on her mothers bosoms as she tried to suckle on the offered breast for the first time while hearing the murmur of voices hovering around her. The murmur was a conversation between her mother and father, both contemplating the possibilities of giving their new born daughter away. Little did Emma know at the time that she was unwanted by both her parents from before she was born, little did she know that she was to be sent off far away into another country to be taken care of merely by an aunt. This was how Emma started her journey on this earth a journey of rejection by the two people who should have cherished and loved her from her suckling experience.

Emma knew nothing about how her life would have been with her parents, all she knew was the life that she was leading with her loving aunt. The truth of the matter was that her aunt always felt guilty for Emma, a young child who was left to a relative although both her parents were still alive. In knowing this Emma became a spoiled child, she knew that through guilt she could get away with murder, that her aunt loved her too much and was unable to reprimand her in the right way cause of her current situation. As she grew older, she started to rebel; at the mere age of twelve her parents got news of her aggressive attitude knowing that the aunt was unable to take control of the situation and was told to move back home. By then both her parents had been divorced for twelve years living their lives outside of one another. They had both moved forward in life and got married to other people. This was of course a tough position that they had put themselves and Emma in, who was she to live with? Who would be able to contain her wild side and aggression best? The verdict was made and she was sent to spend time with her mother and her mother’s new husband. Things were not going well for her at the time, she was not easy to tame and her rebellion was hard for her mother to understand especially that she had no true understanding of who her daughter was.  

After some time Emma was moved to her father’s house to live with him and his new wife, hoping that he will be able to take better control of Emma. Her life got even tougher, her father would leave the house and lock the door to make sure she wouldn’t leave when he was out, with no care of her safety incase a fire took place and his daughter needed to rush out. Her father’s home was filled with his friends of all walks of life, making it harder for her to be comfortable in her own new found home. She started to throw tantrums declaring that there were men approaching her in a dirty fashion but all her plea for help went into the hollow pits of uncaring ears. She was moved to her mother’s house after that, her step mother not believing a word Emma said, assuming that she was a rebel and wanted to do anything to destroy their family.

Emma spent the rest of her growing years between both parent’s homes, each one not knowing what to do with her, each one not giving the time to know their daughter. Her parents were too busy for her to even care about her psychological state of mind.

Emma remained an only child to both her parents, neither one wanting another child, not even with their new spouses. You would expect her to be the golden child the cherished child, and yet that was far from the truth. She remained the unwanted child and as the years passed her inner feeling of not being worthy enough to be loved and believed grew stronger within her young soul.

Emma had a radiant smile full of love allowing everyone around her to feel her joy although her internal joy was never to be found. She ventured into the world behind her parents back, she learnt the truth was never something that anyone believed and she knew how to lie to get the freedom she was seeking. She returned on several occasions back to her aunt to seek comfort and love that was never given to her anywhere else. Her interest in finding the right man to give her the love she so desired was a true longing within her which in return attracted her to all the wrong type of man. In doing so there was  a constant affirmation that she cannot be loved, that no one can love who she really is which kept leading her to go for the men that were unable to provide her with the comfort she most craved; the love of her parents.

At university she knew how to dress to the prime, how to attract a man with her wild eyes and her gentle voice. Her smile blossomed on her lips as her eyes stayed cold and distant, yet no one put in the effort to see through her cold eyes and allow for the warmth to seep in. Her tears were always close to falling and at times they were well organized for a self pity story that she had formed to get something that she wanted out of her parents, knowing that the truth would always fail her.

She started work and excelled at her job, they loved her there as they saw the kind gentle side she so well hid from the world. Her smile still radiated, her sadness still over took her heart but her ability to get along with others was the one thing that she held dear to her heart. She had perfected the art of pretending to be happy in her life and within the confines of her own skin. She had become a great person to depend on, a person where others could rely on for the comfort that they themselves had missing in thier live, not knowing that the person they were turning too was seeking that same comfort yet never able to find it. At work she would bounce around full of life, dainty and all girl like, allowing her to put her guard down giving her space to venture into her natural loving nature.

Her parents were still a distant comfort to her, her aunt would visit her constantly knowing that she was in desperate need to feel love, the unconditional love, that only a parent knows how to give their child. Religion was a distant cry and nothing that was of any possible temptation to her but the rise and uproar of it in the country she was living in allowed her to tread in its direction giving her some peace deep within. This provided a comfort with her colleagues at work and it made her belong to something better, cleaner and much more fulfilling than the life she was leading or the life she was forced to live in. She embraced the veil as she succumbed to her fathers vigorous attacks on her new dress code and choice of way of life. Her peace came at knowing that she didnt need a person to take care of her, she had a much larger entity to rely on, and that was her new found love of God.

To be continued…..


About Rana Zaben
I help people feel their best and create a solid second income to enjoy the best things in life.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: