Is it really relevant to lie to your spouse?


That is a question that has been evident in most of the marriages or relationships I have seen throughout my life, actually in more recent times of my life. How is it possible to establish a strong bond with someone, especially someone you are planning to spend the rest of your life with, upon the knowledge that there will be lies?

Lies come in many different degrees but they all matter and they are all considered lies. We grew up figuring out ways to lie to our parents not to get in trouble or we lie to get to do what our friends are doing that they have not permitted us to do. We learnt that lying gets us places with our parents. When we are asked if we did our homework, we immediately answer “yes” knowing that we will be allowed to do what we wanted to do once our homework was done. We learnt to lie and act sick when we were not in the mood to go to school cause we either had a teacher that hated us, or a friend that was causing agony to us or a crush we had actually liked someone else. We learnt to lie to our parents when all our friends were going out to a bar after curfew hours so that we could be there too, not understanding the reasons behind their constant need to put rules and regulations that other kids didn’t have.

So we have all learnt to lie to our parents to get our way, to receive their approval of who we are and to allow our true natures to blossom without the pressures of what our parents have enforced us to be. These were days of no self identity, if it were not so hard to find yourself and the pressures of what the parents expected out of you, then the lies would have no need to exist as part of your reality.

The question here is “Why would you continue to lie to your partner?” Your partner is someone you chose to spend the rest of your life with, he/she is not a parent holding a book of rules against you. Your partner is someone that should grow with you regardless of who you are and what your preferences in life are. In saying that, I am also stating that one should start a life with someone who has the same ideas, values and ethics; therefore eliminating the reasons for lies.

What is the point in choosing a spouse that would not approve the fact that you drink alcohol, then make sure to live your life proving that you are a saint. Why go for someone who enjoys the comforts of their home when you enjoy the comforts of a night club? What benefit will you get if you decide to express to your future spouse that you love having a family when in reality your need for family is the last thing on your mind? There are a thousand ways couples lie to one another just to be with the person they wish to be with, but these lies continue to grow in time as there are a lot of other things that go hand in hand with the first innocent lie, the true identity of the person who chose to lie.

We are not marrying our parents, there is no right and wrong when you have already grown up and realized who you are and what you are. There is no need to tell your spouse you don’t smoke yet you rush to the bathroom to have a cigarette after every meal as you spray perfume all over the bathroom so your spouse can’t smell it. These are acts we learnt to do with our parents, not acts we do with our partner. There is no need for that specific partner if you find a need to lie about any aspect of your life, your thoughts or what you believe.

Living in the clear is so much easier than living in the dark. We need to disassociate from the confines of our parents and take a look at the freedom we have today, the freedom to make our lives exactly what we want it to be with a partner that lives that same life we have worked so hard to have.

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About Rana Zaben
I help people feel their best and create a solid second income to enjoy the best things in life.

2 Responses to Is it really relevant to lie to your spouse?

  1. Sam says:

    I liked your conclusion Rain…Honesty is the best policy if two people want to establish a health and long partnership over time saying what you truly believe and what you truly feel is the best and most powerful cement that bonds the bricks of any true relationship.

    Sam

    • Thank you Sam for your comment….it’s always a wonder, the power of love or the power of honesty? In some cases they dont go hand in hand but the end result of honesty is always a majestic outcome.

      Warmest of wishes with lots of blessings ahead of you

      Rain

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