For this evening i will wear This Mask.

I walk into my office and find all my things have been cleared out as my papers are stacked up in another room, bend awkwardly thrown in a box. I storm around trying to find out who had the audacity to do this. To my surprise a colleague of mine, who constantly had coffee with me as she also enjoyed taking my advice, and asking for work help, decided to clean out my office since she got a new position in the same company. She assumed she was to take my position on my holiday leave therefore deciding to move in, discard of my things and never even call me to ask me if it were true. The worst part was that after a confrontation she still persisted that she was respectful of my things and my personal space. As it turned out, she was only there for a day, which really makes things much worse (she obviously could not wait to take over my office while I was on leave) luckily she was asked to leave cause of her uncalled for behavior in previous encounters with work. Strangely I had defended her throughout all her troubles at work, providing support with nothing but good words that I spread to the angered work people.

 I find out that one of my girlfriend’s boyfriend receives a hate/ warning e-mail about her from a girl that has had a fall out with her in the past. Disappointingly she discovers that all the right methods of dealing with that situation were over looked by him as she was also not told about the hateful e-mail when it was time for her to know. She was told too late to be able to stand and defend herself, not knowing that there would ever come a time where she would have to actually defend herself  when she had trust in her boyfriend to do the right thing by her.

The maid calls me up on the phone to tell me that she left a whole bunch of her bags in my storage room and she wants to come and pick them up in five minutes. I am utterly surprised at this new knowledge, I had her things in my storage this whole entire time and she never told me? She has my keys when I travel, I trust her with my cats, she pays my bills and now she felt the need to hide vital information that have to do with the trust I have for her with my home? She had three weeks since my return to tell me that she needed to store her things, but she chose not to tell me and use the excuse that I was out of town.

An ex-friend talks dirt about her best friend making her out to be a dirty liar and a whore as she pretends to love her in her presence. I defend her best friend and explain that her actions are not of a whore but of a good person who is very happy to constantly declare her well kept virginity till the age of 34. To my surprise I find out that her best friend, whom I would constantly defended in her absence, decided to spread her own venom of warnings about me, also in the same dirty way my ex-friend used to do things. Not surprising that they are best friends.

A colleague at work expresses her deep desire to be closer to God, the need to find herself spiritually hoping that her fiancé would want to do the same. We sit for hours and months talking about her new changes and how to go about them, how good she is as a person how much she loves her fiancé. We get into deep discussions about marriage and the loyalties involved in it, how much she can’t imagine her life without her fiancé expressing her great bond with him. Only to discover months later that she was sleeping with her best friend’s husband all along.

When can you trust your back with people these days? There is a constant alertness that needs to be present, there is no one in the recent years that has the ability to stand up for anyone else but themselves. Is the solution to  keep your guards up at all times and defend no one in return? But this can’t be the right way to live your life, this cannot be what our generation has turned into. I look back at all the friends I have today since childhood and I know that I am taken care of regardless of where I am and what I have become. My back is taken care of whether I am there or I am not there. There is a loyalty that does not seem to exist anymore amongst the people of this society. Is it possible that the people outside of my handpicked international circle of friends have not been taught the simple basics of trust and loyalty? In this place where I call my temporary home, I have found the most international abundance of people, yet their international standards of loyalty falls on a different track than the one I have come to understand and live by all those years.

How many faces do people really have? And how comfortable are they with all those multiple masks they keep changing according to the environment they are in? Do they really know who they are when they go to bed at night as they contemplate their life? Are they able to trust all those around them when they too do the same thing that their dearest of friends do to them? Is it all about pleasing and following the herd? There is a loss of individualism in this specific place we live in today. Holding on to ethics, values and moral beliefs have become the old fashioned thing to do. When can we start trusting our neighbors to keep watch on our home in our absence and know without a doubt that our home is being well protected and taken care of?

Yes, we do all talk about our friends to other friends, let’s not get carried away here, but in reality those friends always end up finding out one way or another, and the intention is never to hurt them or talk dirty about them. It is always to vent out a situation that is bothersome prior to talking to the concerned friend about it. Or to figure out a way to approach the friend in need by asking another friend’s advice on the matter, or simply expressing your back biting desire in front of that person in complete openness making it a confrontation and NOT a back biting session with other friends. When you hear something about one of your friends that could hurt them, then you stand up for them and defend them with your life, their dignity is you’re dignity. A word to the wise, always tell your friend what you heard so that he/ she can defend themselves if they ever have to encounter that situation alone, do not leave them defenseless and clueless, trust me; that never helped anyone in the long run. And if you ever have bad mouthed your friend to others; then tell that friend openly about it, it is better to hear it from the horse’s mouth than from the outside world.

We are our home, and we need more than ourselves to take care of our home. Especially in our absence, specifically when the key has been given to someone else to care for your home the same way you have cared for their home.


About Rana Zaben
I help people feel their best and create a solid second income to enjoy the best things in life.

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