Things we accept for not staying single…why?


Is it part of our DNA or is it our upbringing that makes us stay with the wrong man, as we keep giving him a million excuses for bad behavior? How desperate are we to have a man in our lives regardless of who they are or how they treat us? Well let me answer that question for you…..pretty desperate.

We date a man that doesn’t give us the amount of attention we require, which in turn make us become the nagging women we are chastised for being. The attention could be minimal or extreme; either way it is the attention that each person needs to have to feel loved. For one person it could be as simple as asking how your day was. For another it could be as intense as staying on the phone all day long until the couple meet up. Whatever the intensity of the attention that one person may be asking for is that person’s right to have. Why settle for someone that can’t offer you what you know you need most of all? Interestingly enough it is always the woman that thinks there is something wrong with her and that she needs to change what she wants. If the guy wants his girl to ask about him every minute of the day, then she has to change her degree of what she finds “enough” attention. And if the guy wants more free space and time for himself away from the girl then again the girl is required to talk herself into accepting those terms and conditions to be with the man. I have lots of friends that have numbed their emotions regarding that specific emotion, easily put it to sleep and accepted that they can never get the attention that they want, allowing themselves to accept their basic reality that they chose for themselves. Those friends have gotten numb about many other things in life too cause they have numbed their emotions towards everything else that could require a similar emotional outburst.

We date a man that will only spend his money on us when he finds it appropriate for himself to do so. We go out for dinner not knowing who will get the bill and we play the bill dance in hopes that he will know how to dance well. We give excuses to the man when he doesn’t do the dance, fooling ourselves into believing that this is a fault that could be remedied later on cause there are other wonderful things about that person making it worth it to disregard the fact that he could be a stingy person. Yes there is such a thing as equality between the sexes but it is a fact of life for a man to show his ability to care for a woman through his capability of not allowing his woman to pay. In all cultures of the world, when has it been acceptable for the man to blatantly take money from his woman? I have friends whom are dating men who have no concept of the dance, these women have convinced themselves that once they are married to these men they will be well taken care of when needed. In reality what happens is that the woman has completely overlooked the fact that he was showing her his stinginess and in ability to care for her in the future. I am not talking about couples who are having financial problems, saying that the woman should not provide the money, I am talking about normal circumstances within a relationship between a man and a woman. The woman should offer every once in a while to pay as an appreciated gesture towards the man, but it should not be the expected way of life. I know women who are married to those types of men today and they re-tell this story with shame at their throwing a blind eye to the matter when they were still able to make another choice in their life. These women are exhausted, working all day long, with children to care for, a house to maintain a husband to please and an abundance of money that they are unable to use cause their men will not spend on his family or on her. So a woman will ignore this aspect just to have a man in her life, another detrimental thing that us women do for the sake of companionship with no regard to the reality of what she has so obviously known.

We accept a man sitting there with us drooling over a large breasted woman just cause he has many other wonderful things about him. He makes you feel unattractive in those instances of his wondering drooling eyes and you accept it as “all men look”. Again another brainwashing method to prevent a woman from leaving a man that obviously will cheat on her in the future if she is not up to pare and does not excite him as much as she used to at the beginning of the relationship. A woman will accept him thirsting for another woman telling herself that he chose to be with her making herself believe he only has eyes for her. A man who can’t control himself is simply a man that will never be able to control himself. The desperation to be with a man and get married and accept upon ourselves things that are clear from the very beginning is causing a lot of damage to a lot of women. Our constant Internal tells us  that it is ok to be disrespected cause there is trust, he is so open and honest with her that he is drooling over other women in front of her, therefore he will never do anything behind her back since he does it so blatantly in front of her. The funny part is the irony in it all, he is showing you his untrustworthiness and we are interpreting it as trust. I have friends who have lost interest in caring for themselves after they got married, for everything they tried to do to grab the attention of their husband has not stopped them from drooling. It kills the female aspect of looking sexy for your man, and it is vital to feel that your sexy to your man especially if you have just popped out a 4kg baby and feeling ugly and exhausted. If he is dedicated to you before, he will always be dedicated to you in whatever form you turn into in times of ugliness. Then the day comes and he cheats on you, and the reason will be simple “I didn’t take care of myself for a while, and he loves pretty women, I lost my looks and stamina” and low and behold it turns into self blame again and all the woman’s fault for his inability to control himself, which she knew all along.

Part 2 – Other things that we accept upon ourselves

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About Rana Zaben
I help people feel their best and create a solid second income to enjoy the best things in life.

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