Dream Killers


It is always a wonder how people have a tendency not to listen to what others are saying. Everyone is busy in their own heads, wanting to make their point, disregarding the words and body signs that the person they are talking to are displaying to them with all clarity.

Last night I decided to maintain my chilled out day and so decided to go with a friend to this cute little place called “Jazz Bar”. The atmosphere was very simple therefore attracting very simple people to it, making it easy to talk and singing along with the entertainer of the nigh; a man on a piano. As we sat there on the bar chitchatting for a while, I got a few black berry messages that I had to respond to, leaving the conversation I was in and focusing on my phone conversation. What happened then was interesting, my friend carried out a conversation with two men at the bar, discussing the night life of Dubai and the ups and downs of work opportunities. When I returned to the conversation that was now taking place with my friend and two strangers, I realized that I had missed out a lot on what was going on and so I made sure to focus and dive into the topics that were taking place. One of the two strangers started to focus his conversation in my direction as he started to tell me all about his way of life. His name was Marco, he was from Italy, and he was living the life that most of us would love to live if we had the means to live it.

Marco went into a grand explanation about his well thought of plans for his life, the philosophies he had come up with in life, making him able to live the way he lived today. He was in the F&B industry, he didn’t believe in becoming a CEO one day, he didn’t want to run with the heard and loose the flavor of life. Marco would work for a year in the Emirates, make a bundle of money, then take a year off to go back home to Italy and spend his money on his family, loved ones and himself. After his money would deplete and his free living existence would come to an end, he would return to the emirates to work for another year and so on. I listened carefully to every word he was saying, I was watching all his moves and how his body was in motion with the same excitement and pride that his words were portraying. Marco was thrilled with his philosophies in life, and better yet, he was not only a talker, he was actually a doer, he was living the life he was philosophizing about. At this point my friend started to focus in on the conversation that was going on between me and Marco, and it became a three person conversation. What happened then was very interesting, my friend decided to give Marco his advice on life, advice about Marco’s life. The advice first came out with a question “So Marco, how old are you?” and Marco responded “old, I am 30” to which Marco smiled assuming that me and my friend were of the same age group, awaiting our approval on the fact that 30 is old. To his dismay, my friend decided to tell him “oh that is young, your still so young and that is why you are thinking the way you are thinking”. With the uncalled for advice that started to pour out of my friend, came the slow depletion of Marco’s enigmatic energy. My friend made sure to touch up on all the fears that all humans have when it comes to living outside of the box, making Marco’s new resolutions childish and not well thought of. He fed his fears of the future, telling him that he has to be responsible that life is not that simple that one day he will look back and hope he did it differently. He made sure to tell him that at 30 he used to think the same way, but then life showed him differently. To my utmost surprise, Marco started to agree as his eyes started to widen in horror to the reality he was trying so hard to fight against.

In the process of my friend giving the uncalled for advice, Marco’s fears came to surface, making it obvious to me that he was still coming to terms with accepting his way of life, still looking for approval from others for it. Marco then tried to explain that he has a house in Florence, that he purchased and it will be his cushion if ever needed. To my utmost dismay I realized that my friend was not listening to Marco at all, my friend was too busy in his head, listening to his own internal words, negating and neglecting the fact that Marco was actually living the life he tried so hard to live. My friend put the foundation of fear all over Marco’s new map of life, Marco on the other hand was trying meekly to defend his way of life, but listening attentively to my friends demolition of it. With every philosophy that Marco would throw in my friend’s direction for approval, my friend would shake his head, and make sure to tell him that he lived that life at 30 but today that didn’t work for him. What my friend did not realize was that Marco believed that my friend had lived that life, when in reality my friend never lived it, he only dreamt of living it. Marco was living the life my friend wanted to live, yet my friend decided to take it away from him, never really listening to what Marco has been going through, never paying attention that Marco is NOT dreaming of living it, but is actually living it.

Marco left, looking devastated, agreeing fully with my friend’s outlook on life, while the whole time hoping that in one of his many come backs my friend would approve of his life style.

People are too busy wanting to through their advice around. No one is able to actually hold themselves back and really pay attention to what the others are saying. If my friend really heard Marco properly, he would have actually congratulated him on his choice of living, giving him the approval he obviously was still seeking from others. What my friend didn’t realize was that Marco WAS living his words, they were not empty dreams, they were his reality, and obviously his reality was challenged ever day by the humans living the rat race.

It is vital to really pay attention to what others are telling you, really listen to them and feel what they are feeling. Look at the way their eyes when they talk; is there a sparkle in it? Are they sad? Do they look like they have found a long awaited answer to their quest? Leave you’re head alone, stop your pompous reason to provide advice when it is not needed, and listen attentively to what is being said to you. There could be a lesson you could learn, there could be something new you can add to your life. There is always beauty in listening to others. When a person wants advice, they ask for it, when a person is communicating then they need an attentive ear. It is more challenging to know how to ask the right questions than to throw in your own tainted advice of their life.

Learn to keep asking the right questions, challenge the person with their own words and their own insights, do not force your opinion on them. If there is something that needs to be said, then say it carefully by first assessing the entire person in front of you. Look at their body language, listen to their tone of voice, pay attention to what they are saying and look into their eyes. To contribute to someone’s obvious fears of life, is making another person stop their dreams from happening, to throw our own fear out there on someone else’s account is unfair to that person. Stop your own mind from working; get rid of your ego for some time. It is not your ego that needs to be rubbed at that time; it’s the other person’s conversation that needs to be heard, why else would they be sharing this information about themselves if not their desire to be heard and accepted?

 

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About Rana Zaben
I help people feel their best and create a solid second income to enjoy the best things in life.

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