An illusionary ailment

Fear is one of the biggest illusionary ailments most people face today. It lets us stay in situations we don’t particularly like or simply have grown emotionally distant from. Fear and anxiety go hand in hand as the on line medical-dictionary defines it as such:

Fear: an emotion, generally considered negative and unpleasant, that is a reaction to a real or threatened danger; fright. Fear is distinguished from anxiety, which is a reaction to an unreal or imagined danger.

Since I possess this specific type of ailment; I have come to understand that fear has stopped me from ever taking the right decision towards what my heart desires to do. Once the fear starts whispering its evil ideas into my thoughts and processing future images of the possibilities of it happening, I start to lose the rhythm of my regular breathing, accelerating it until I am unable to function outside the thoughts and images of my upcoming miserable future. That is when it turns into an irrational anxiety attack and all decisions to follow through with what I know I should do disappear out the window. I settle slowly back into the familiar, stopping myself from moving outside what I know, conjuring up past experiences to support my submissive decision.

My fears/anxieties come from basically every direction in my life.

If I want to leave the job I am currently at, knowing deep inside that it is defiantly not working out for me anymore, I become optimistic. In optimism I start to visualize the career I really want to pursue; my heart feels lighter in knowing that I am making the right decision because I know there is something great for me out there. I am optimistic and have drawn up the perfect future for myself after leaving my job. Then the inevitable happens, the whispering starts to take place, the images start to flood my mind. I am jobless, I need the cash flow to travel, maybe I am not as good as I think I am, I will fail at my new job, I will be poor, I have bills to pay, I will have to leave the country and go back home to live in the confines of my parents control, etc….etc….etc…..Fear has struck, the fear of the unknown. All the optimism that I felt in my inner core flakes away as a new defined pessimism replaces it. Now I am confused about what I really want to do, I have no say anymore, I only have fear to talk to and if I try to encourage the optimism back, Fear finds a way to invite anxiety to conjure up more irrational future possibilities of doom.

I find the worst type of fear is the fear of loneliness. In that specific type of fear, we humans have acquired the ability to accept and stay in relationships with people that are not good for us, or not meant to be for us. This type of fear constitutes of all kinds of relationships, be it life partners, friends, relatives, colleagues, neighbors, you name it, we humans depend on it for fear of being alone.

I sat in my car today listening to one of the many audio stories I listen to on my drive to work every morning. There was a part of the story where this woman was told by her husband that she was not allowed to work cause he didn’t like it. She was stifled in the relationship and really had no say in most of the things that took place within her own life. So one day she decided to accept a job offer in a detective’s agency and she loved every minute of it. Once her husband found out he went nuts, he started to accuse her of cheating on him, not trusting her, not accepting that she wanted to have a life outside of him. She storms out of the room as she yells at him for the first time telling him that he must accept it because that is what she wants to do with her life and she is sick of him dictating to her what she can and cannot do. After she sits with herself for a few minutes in her room with the door locked her fears start to surface. The whispering starts to take place: what if her husband decides to leave her? She can’t ever be alone, she loves him and he promised her that he will be there forever for her. Images of him walking out on her start to take over her thoughts, Whispers of old age with no one in her life start to manifest into images. As all her fears creep up on her, she starts to question her decision to fight for what she truly wishes to do. She rushes out of her room, down the stairs and into the kitchen where her husband was standing in front of the fridge deciding what to eat. They look at one another and she apologizes to him for taking up a job. He walks towards her, she hugs him and things are back on track again. She meets up with her boss and her friend to tell them that she is quitting her job but is too embarrassed to say it is cause her husband won’t allow her to work. As they keep talking she feels a sense of loss inside her yet the fear of being alone is larger than her desire to face her fear.

I have not finished the story yet, but I am sure she will take some sort of stand by the end of the book (it is fiction after all, with happy endings)

Many times I lingered in my “known”, not willing to venture into the “unknown” for fear of being alone. Other times I contaminated the minds of my friends and family upon hearing their complaints, projecting my own fears into their world, helping their fears to manifest themselves with outsider affirmations.

Fear has no legs to walk on within our reality, it only know how to tread hard in our imaginations stopping us from doing what we most definitely know we should do.

Interested to read the book? Click here: Fast Women


About Rana Zaben
I help people feel their best and create a solid second income to enjoy the best things in life.

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