Spit me out


Are we destined to live nothing more than a normal life? Is it a wonder how the mind works its ways around the strangeness of life while dictating the root of life in which we need to take? My mind has come to a standstill as my heart screams out to take the step I need to take. Fear is an illusion that the mind finds itself hanging on to for reasoning. Images of all the wrongs that may take place if I make my move filter into my core with a strong force; stronger than the agony of my screaming heart “get out”.

I have come to understand the energy of the earth, I have come to learn that there are places which eat up at my everlasting confidence while in other places I ignite with the confidence in which I like to call “My lucky self”.  The crumbs of good of one place are the same crumbs of bad that I would avoid in another place. What I may allow upon myself in the piece of earth I reside in at the moment, I would have adamantly refused to co-exist with in another land, another place, in the lands which give me back “My lucky self”.

In previous times I had refused to lay the burden of my ailments on the land in which I built my world on, I persisted that it was all my fault that I should look at all the positives I possess and filter it into my daily life. The tiny specs of positives that I would find would allow me to carry on, expecting that I am doing what is good for me. Upon my travelling into another land the positives that overwhelm me multiply with every step I take making the little positives of the land I live in seem like the negatives I feel them to have always been. Once I start my descend into my temporary home land the efforts of finding the positive start to roll again with agonizing efforts to accept the place I am in.

In time I have come to realize that the earth has an energy for every soul, it knows who to spit out and who to keep, it values its humans to a degree that the human is unable to value themselves in. Negatives start to build themselves into fortresses making it harder and harder for the human to hold onto the crumbs of positivity they have worked so hard to find.

I am free to chose, I have the freedom to live, yet my mind seems adamant on holding on to the fears of an unknown future. I am unable to break free of my fears, they hold more prominence than the few moments of joyous relief I feel internally when I let go of the fear and allow my heart to wonder the earth of large possibilities.

The list has been written, the negatives have over risen, the positives have depleted and now I am left with nothing but my fears of my decision. Ten months going into eleven and I am still chained by my fears to the earth that is trying to spit me out.

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About Rana Zaben
I help people feel their best and create a solid second income to enjoy the best things in life.

3 Responses to Spit me out

  1. Mohamed says:

    its strange to find my exact feelings being written by someone else…

    • Hi Mohammed, lovely knowing your reading my blog 🙂

      I am sure there are a lot of people who feel this way about life…..but it is hard ot verbalize into words that make sense…i am glad you found yourself in what i wrote 🙂 Sometimes the hope of having life take the discussions for you is so much easier than having the burden of doing it for yourself.

      Lots of warm wishes always

      Rain

  2. Rain-all you can do is take that first step in the direction you wish to go. That first step, and the rest will follow.

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