Farm or City?

Our life experiences are based on our way of life. What we say and do come back to us in one way or another. If we believe in ourselves then everything we do is right, there is no fear, there is no worry, there is only self confidence in the choices we make. To hear your own voice is all that matters for no one else lives your life or has your wisdom.

Living on a farm or living in a city have a great distinction between them and show a slight resemblance of a congested mind and an intuitive mind. In a city there is noise pollution that scatters your thoughts and allows for nothing other than everyone else’s voice to overpower your own caring voice. In a city you are rushing from one place to the next getting your job done, errands run, obligations met and in all this people are chattering away giving advice where it is not needed, assuming they know best, and therefore diluting your own trust within yourself. Time becomes something you try to find yet discover that it’s meaning has been lost to you. What is expected of you has stopped you from doing what is expected from yourself to you. You glimpse a sight of what you want your life to look like and you feel that you can breath again. Yet a second later  a whirlwind of clatter over powers that desire and it is lost amongst the bustle and noise emanating from those around you who ridicule your thoughts and the sight of your own breath of fresh air.

In the Farm you are free to hear yourself contemplate and understand what is good or bad for you. There are only animals around that say nothing more than offer their love to you for the simple act of feeding them and caring for them. In return you are left to listen to your mind as it ventures into a world of its own where the decisions are based on your own internal voice that you have come to believe in and trust. You move with your instincts towards your fields of green in knowledge of when to water them and when to walk away. You hear the sound of your breathing and the whispers of the butterflies as they pass you by. In an ability to sit and think you realize what your dreams are and grow strong in your beliefs, for there is no one there who can contaminate those desires and the conviction of your thoughts.

I long to be a farm, where I am left to my own accord and rid myself of the fear of change or the fears that have been bestowed upon me by those who love me the most.

Alcohol-The ways of the bottle

It is always a wonder how people have the appetite to get completely intoxicated by an enormous abundance of alcohol once they go out at night. What I have a hard time understanding is the amazing ability people have of forgetting the pain they suffer the next day, or the disgraceful behavior they put themselves through once they exceed the social limits of drinking.

If you look at it from a completely different point of view you will come to realize that the person who chose to drink all night long has lost a whole day and a half of their lives. Half a day was spent in complete delusion and the next day in agonizing pain, unable to do anything other than lie in bed in hopes their body will gain its normality again.

I was always one to drink and party, one to go all the way and enjoy myself in the luxuries of the joyful night life. In due time and probably cause of my daily desire to party I started to minimize my outings realizing that days were passing me by and myself image was deteriorating. I was losing touch with all the wonderful possibilities that life was offering me because I was too busy partying with the moon and falling asleep with the rise of the sun.  As I grew older and started to work my outings would be limited to weekends allowing a few hours of daylight delight before the grand gesture to escape into the warmth and safety of my bed. A few years of that life and I was starting to wonder what it was like to have a weekend from dusk till dawn fully alert and able to function headache and nausea free.  I quit drinking for eight years and life looked completely different. When I would go out at night with my friends I was still completely hyper and active dancing the night away with the utmost of pleasure. The shocker was seeing a lot of my friends splattered on the dance floors, toppling over every time they tried to get up or hitting on people that were truly despicable to the sober eye.

My days were filled with the warmth of the sun, the depth of my conscious mind started growing in ways that only day life was able to accomplish. I saw what all the other people saw and felt their glory of the wonders of a completely sober life. Naturally as life always tries to balance a person out and allows them to choose their path I started to suffocate from my own rule of no drinking. I slowly started to incorporate a glass of wine into my outings or an apple Martine, making my head feel light after just a few sips. To me this was a great accomplishment, I was what people call, a cheap date, and I felt honored to be just that. Not that I was a drunk before , but my tolerance for alcohol was very high making me able to hold up a lot of liquor in my system before I got even tipsy. Strangely enough my outings to night clubs started decreasing and my desire to intoxicate myself started to slowly deplete. In time I became a moderate drinker, most of my outings were alcohol free and maybe every few months I would have a few drinks then be turned off by it completely. Even the close to nothing that I would have was ruining my next days and that was starting to get on my nerves allowing me to push away further and further from perceiving alcohol as a pleasure drink.

I returned back to heavy drinking when I met and married my ex husband. It was one of my only remedies and means of self expression. The more he kept telling me that I am not allowed to drink the more I drank, I wanted to rebel in one way or another, but my rebellion was only self harming. I was unable to understand why he was allowed to drink and I was not allowed to, I hated the chauvinism that I was forced to live and abide by. A year and half after the divorce my true nature came in floods and I slowly went back to a drink every once in a while or a few drinks in heavy clubbing outings. My tolerance level had risen again by then and I was unable to feel the buzz of the alcohol until I had managed to sedate myself with a few more glasses. In due time and because I missed my old self and my realizations about life I took an alcohol break. I despised its taste and one glass of wine would turn me into mush. A severe depression would always hit me the next day and in turn would ruin the next few days of my life. As the detachment from Alcohol came my way I started to see people in a different light, the outings were not as fun as they used to be, my friends were acting very strange when they were under the influence of alcohol. Men would turn aggressive and extremely silly and women would become incoherent and slutty. I visualized myself in their shoes and realized what a humiliating state of mind these people are in, and realizing that I was in that state years back without realizing how silly I must have been.

In all fairness I harbor no ill feelings towards people who choose to intoxicate themselves on special occasions or every single night, it is their life to miss out on. The reality of the matter is that I consciously choose not to be a part of that life style and with that choice I have found an array of people who can have a drink or two some nights without having to dilute their whole system with alcohol, making the outings much more interesting to indulge in. There are those who enjoy their alcohol to crazy degrees and have a huge amount of tolerance to it and I do enjoy their company immensely but at the end of the day once I feel things are getting out of control and I may lose respect for that person, I hop in a cab and go back home to the warmth of my bed knowing that I have a long day ahead of me to bask in the sun and enjoy coffees and lunches with an abundance of friends who also chose to have only one or two glasses the night before.

There is a lot more to life than pouring alcohol into your system until delusion hits and spending the rest of the next day searching for things and ways to remove the remains of the night before. The celebration of occasions does not have to include intoxication to abnormal degrees. The joy of it is tremendously short yet the pain after is longer lasting and not worth the few hours of complete self humiliation. As a reiki healer, I am told not to heal anyone if I am under the influence of alcohol, the reason being is that my energy would not be aligned right with me, not being able to provide the person in need of the right healing they deserve to get from me. It closes off my intuitive self and distorts my reality for at least a day or two after, making my one mission in life impossible to accomplish on a daily basis.

I have yet to understand those who still continue to abuse their bodies and humiliate themselves past the age of 30. The married people who have kids and go back home drunk and are unable to wake up in the mornings to care for their children. The young adults who have work the next day and might be responsible for a few members of their family’s security and dignity, The single person who finds no other way of truly enjoying their evening outside of alcohol, or the forty year old who still feels like talking with a slurr and picking up women in the presence of his wife and friends is sexy. I tend to see this as a wakeful state of slumber as life passes them by and their only concerns are where to travel to be able to party the hardest. They miss out on the beauty of their life and what the world has to offer them of excitement and new discoveries, only to drown in the depth of their sorrows and dance with the moon neglecting the arrival of the sun that wants to show them the beauty around them.

 

Small Haven of heaven

I keep blinking my eyes unsure if what I am seeing is real or just a figment of my imagination, pictures I have stared at for years are actually surrounding my environment and have somehow become my reality today. Huge Leaves that tower over me from enormous trees make me wonder if I have travelled to a world made especially for the age of the dinosaur. What I remember being small shrubs in other countries have grown as large as the size of the trees I was accustomed to. Palm trees are over whelming in their variety, the assortment of colors in which flowers come in are making it impossible for my eyes to adjust or get used to their beauty. I am at complete and utter awe with the transparent aqua colored water that goes out so far into the distance as it neatly merges itself with the ever clear blue skies that I am unable to tell where one ends and the other begins.
Little baby sharks glide peacefully within the same space I have chosen to swim in. Sting rays maneuver themselves smoothly by me as they glide ever so slowly into the sand and then float back out only to continue their water cruise. Fish of transparent colors follow one another in a tranquil, silent manner. The sand is so white and fine as it curves itself lovingly on my feet with every step I take towards my bungalow. The sun is strong, striking its harshness upon my skin only to find the coolness of the sand below me always ready to absorb its ruthless intensity.
A bridge connecting the two islands together help me go from one lushes island to the next as the waves decide to help with my journey they crash themselves against the rocks that lie still underneath the bridge. The glorious sun has decided to rest and slowly ventures downwards towards the edge of the light blue waters bidding farewell to a hard day’s work. As it starts to descend it gives one last farewell to its viewers, a gesture unlike any, it covers the sky with colors of purple, pink and red, some yellow for effect then it disappears.

In the darkness I walk back to my bungalow, lead by the light of the moon and the ever so evident stars, a fruit bat flies up above and another comes squeaking by. My two year old niece puts her tiny hands in to my hand, staring up in awe at the largeness of the bats and in fear of the dark. We tread slowly back not wanting to hurt any over sized insects on our way. At last we are back at the bungalow with joy in our hearts and love to offer all that need it, we sit peacefully on the large terrace expanse staring out into the open space that has slowly started pouring its heavenly water over our bamboo shade.

I long…I am alive

I am born to live, to smell the scent of nature gathering itself within my soul, to live between the earth and the universe.

I am alive to feel the caress of the sun on my tender skin, the whisper of the wind as it glides itself across my face, the scent of pine trees swiftly moving from the outside of me to the inside of me.

I am free to walk this earth with my arms cast upwards towards the sky allowing its magical energy to surround me. I am free to allow my soul to sour with ecstasy as my feet tred softly on the musty grass allowing the earth to rejuvenate my spirit.

The green that surrounds me has opened the doors of life to the inner most sadness within me. I wake up to the knowledge that I am one with nature as I step out of my room, onto a balcony overtaken by vines of green. I take a seat on the cushioned metal chair as I rest my morning tea on the adjacent table. I breath in and move my eyes upwards towards the ongoing horizon. An abundance of green is all around me, trees of yellowing leaves play with the wind as they find themselves falling towards the earth. An array of yellows, reds and browns cover the damp grass that has lovingly accepted the autumn leaves to lay upon it.

I feel nothing but joy and harmony, how can nature penetrate the soul so easily? How is it possible that with all the bad in life, a simple time with Green is all it takes to ease the pain and remove the hurt.

I long to find my waterfall; I long to search the landscape for the sound of gushing water, to replace the sound of hollowness within me that seems to find no other home to go to but within my body, within my soul.

The Unknown Beauty

The un-known beauty that resides within Egypt is truly breath-taking in more ways than one. The pure ecstasy that involves the simple creations of life are always a welcomed emotion by those who are pure at heart.

As i walked along the shores of Hacienda (a resort on the outskirts of Alexandria) i lost all concerns of my worldly longings as i simply watched the children play freely with one of God’s many creations. The water touching our feet allowing for the negative ions(the energy that is provided by the movement of water) to penetrate through us with ease and love. Strange how this place exists in the most superficial environment in Egypt, in the Hacienda world, the rich are very rich. The latest of fashions are of utmost importance as the decline of ethics and values de moralize even the most stern of believers.

 

In this complex world, it is easy to forget the true meaning of simplicity and peace. Within this world of material longing and the desire to compete with your best friends trying to upscale what they have, God has provided a sanctuary for anyone who may desire to sit and reflect on what they truly want out of their life. The beauty that i have not seen anywhere in the world exists in the most unexpected of societies, deep within all the superficiality is a breath-taking space that allows the soul to sour higher than the world it is in. A place where if anyone of the residents paid attention to what beauty is provided around them, they will come to hear the secrets of the universe as it is slowly whispers to them through the crashing of the waves, the soft breeze that plays with their hair and the clear sky that engulfs their inner most wishes.