When does it become unacceptable?

Anger boils over inside of me as Jack asked “Well did he hit you?”

“No” Emily says, surprised that he would even ask that question. Was all what she was saying not enough to walk out on her current relationship? My face was starting to hurt from the frown that had over taken my face for the past half hour, listening to Emily re-tell her story with her husband to Jack as tears rolled down her face. I couldn’t understand why Jack was even asking if her husband was hitting her? What relevance did that have to do with the pain Emily has been suffering for years with this man?

I asked him point blank “What relevance does this have? Is it not enough that He is constantly swearing at her, slamming doors all over the house, being completely impolite to any member of her family or any of her friends that enter her house, he doesn’t give her money to be able to support the house hold requirements and her baby girls requirements yet spends a ton on his friends and his entertainment, he is out partying every single night without her, he doesn’t allow her to go to bars or clubs at night without him even though he does constantly, he has caused his little girl to wake up screaming at night fearing that her father would kill her mother, he sits and does nothing in the house except talk on the phone to his buddies laughing or flipping through tv channels as she keeps running around the house fixing things, he uses his kids for his social outings to be accepted in society, he doesn’t allow her to work so she doesn’t attract the attention of the opposite sex” I take a deep breath in, calm myself down and asked calmly “So answer this Jack, what does it matter, to you, if he hits her or not?” Jack looked at me surprised as though I was asking him a question about giving birth and how he felt during it. I repeated my question to him more aggressively and he finally responded saying “Well since he does not hit her, then they can work things out. hitting her would be unacceptable in every way possible.”

Shocked out of my wits I didn’t know how to answer him back, all that rummaged through my mind was the fact that if a woman ever dared do all that to her husband she would be banished by everyone including her family, they would tell her that it is up to her to make this marriage work. Any man who went to complain about the same things would have given the green light for every human being (male or female) to reprimand the woman until she breaks down in humiliation for her actions. Yet when a woman complains about being mistreated on a daily basis the world tends to stand by his side and ask the woman to accept it as long as she is not being physically abused. She is supposed to take in his infidelity, his rudeness, his verbal condemning ways, his absence physically and financially and only be able to make a valid stand if he went out of his way and hit her.

Strange how this type of injustice is not accepted upon animals and yet upon women it is considered bad, yet not unjust. A woman is put in a position today to accept all that is done to her by a man because he has not physically abused her YET. A woman is expected to be the brains in the family, the glue that holds everything together regardless of what her mental state has become because of all the degrading ways she has been treated.  A woman has to turn a blind eye to her husband having affairs hoping that he will one day come to his senses, but when that day never comes she has to confront him and in return the society gives the excuse of him being a “Man” and men need more than one woman. She is then asked yet again to accept it and be a better wife to her husband cause she was probably the reason he went to another woman for sex. If a woman cheats on her husband she is thrown to the gutters, her kids are taken away from her, her marriage is over, her is shunned out from society with not a single word mentioned that it could have possibly been the husbands fault.

What really gets to me is this, after my talk with Emily and Jack, I found Emily agreeing with Jack, seeing his point of view, assessing the situation and wronging herself the whole time. She provoked his anger, she allowed him to neglect her and stop spending money on her and the family, it was her fault she was too busy taking care of the house and her child and her new pregnancy, of course he would go mad and naturally she thanked God that he never hit her “He is a good man that he never hit me. I would have left for sure.”

And in that ended the whole pain she had been suffering for years with her husband. I later on found out that all her girlfriends gave her a similar advice and sad as it was, women accept this upon themselves. Women will tell women to stick around in a horrible relationship, with a cheating man, with a stingy guy, with a man who has temper management issues and tell the woman it is all in her hands to make this work.

When have we ever become the weaker sex? We are able to give birth, take care of a house, go to work, socialize with the world and sleep for a maximum of six hours a night and still have the ability to do everything and more than any man could even dream of. What happened to reprimanding a man for his misconduct and behavior, who said it was ok? Who said that we were born, as women, to live this way? How come every man gets away with murder and women can’t get away with an extra hour of sleep if needed?

Women know how to build fear in other women, making them accept the unacceptable. Telling them horror stories of what life would look like if she did leave her husband “You will not be able to support yourself, you have not worked for years.” Or “What about the kids? They need a father figure” or “Live with it till your kids are old enough then leave”or “ Who will every marry a woman with children? It is too much baggage. So it is best to stay with the man who helped in procreating them.”

What women don’t understand is this “If women stood up and supported one another and did not accept to be treated in such a disturbing disregard to their humanity then men will have no choice but to stop.” As long as the world accommodates such actions and only the visual physical abuse is the allowed reason to leave a man, women will always be where they are today, and they will keep procreating more men that abuse their women, cause women don’t know how to stand up for their human rights.

If every woman keeps accepting this as a way of life, and if women will always advise women to be the abused member of the family then things will never change and women will always be spat on. Her kids will also treat her with disrespect the way their father had, and they will repeat the same pattern onto their wives in the future and every woman will again tell that woman in pain “It is ok, it is all in your hands, you’re the smarter one. Men are like children let him do his thing, and you stay the good wife, he will come around. As long as he didn’t hit you then you can fix it.”

Emilie’s story is one of the many stories I have came across in all these years of watching and listening to couples. With such sadness I have to say that I might have met one in every 30 marriages where there is a balanced relationship between man and woman. What women don’t understand is this: they are telling their daughters that it is ok to be treated this way and they are telling their sons it is ok to treat a woman this way. They think they are making life better for their children when in reality they are allowing the same patterns to continue to evolve and have no regard to how their daughters will be treated in the future or how their sons will treat women.

The release of MJ and Tracy

The path of forgiveness is hard to come across once a person has been severely wronged by another. The heart finds an inability to move forward congesting it’s arteries with hate and anger that make it hard to ever move on. The pain of the injustice is harbored by images that seem to find their way into the mind reminding the heart of the pain it had gone through.

I am a certified Reiki healer, and I have been for more than eight years now. In constantly trying to find ways to help those around me with gifts I never knew I had I acquired a few certificates in different aspects of life one of them being Reiki. I spent random days and nights helping those around me overcome a pain using the energy that flowed easily out of my hands and feeling euphoric after seeing the changes manifest themselves into their lives. Upon my break down that took place during my destructive marriage and my manipulative roommate I lost myself and the ability to help anyone especially myself. In the years the followed I slowly started to recover from the shock, I stopped the self blame once I came to terms that it was not my fault and there was nothing more I could have done to make things better. MJ (my ex husband) and Tracy (my ex roommate) were who they were regardless of who I was, it was in their nature to be the people they were and there was nothing that would have ever changed that.

As I started to pick up the pieces of my old self back and improving on them I realized I also carried around such anger and hate towards them making my recovery much harder and longer than expected. I wanted to be done with the anger, I wanted to forget and forgive, but it was impossible to do. How can you forgive two people who pushed you to the brink of suicide only for their own pleasure? How is it possible to let go of the humiliation that i suffered through the cruelty that spewed out of the man I chose to marry? Or the cruelty that destroyed the little, if any, self love I tried to hold on to for dear life as a roommate did her best to demolish even further?  As I kept trying to work on myself i realized I was unable to really move ahead and follow my dreams because the images kept recreating themselves in my mind blocking up my heart from even contemplating forgiveness.

I started myself improvement ventures through taking courses in NLP, I figured if I can go back to my ultimate goal; which was the desire to help others; I would be on the right track, back in shape, following my one true mission in life. Life did start to blossom, my self confidence came screaming back with ecstasy. I felt free, able to see who I was and the improvements I had achieved were grand. I put to sleep the anger, hate, sadness and depression over the death of my old self and relished in fabricating my new and improved self, little did I know that I still harbored such abhorrence towards MJ and Tracy.

It came to me as I lay down on my back in the dim light of a large studio with my eyes closed listening to the voice of my reiki instructor. After wanting to continue my mission I needed to re-adjust my reiki knowledge I wanted to be able to provide light and energy to those in need and I was still not sure if I can go back to being that person again, so I decided to re-take the reiki course and get initiated again to be a healer.  As I was lying there with the soft distant music playing its strings harmoniously the Reiki instructor gently talked us through a meditation to allow our hearts to be filled with nothing but love. She slowly directed us to release all anger from the heart, to forgive those who had done us wrong, to forget all the pain, to remove them from our hearts and allow space for new things to happen, better things and most importantly for new people who would be happy to receive our love.

Remove them from your heart chakra, remove them from your head chakra, remove the anguish from your stomach chakra, release all the pain, make space for a better life.

I did that, and in that I found a new resolved peace within myself, the heat in my hands resurfaced and the power to heal re-entered my soul. I had allowed my hate to go, I released them of my anger, I forgave them for all they had done but not before I prayed that God will give them no mercy when they needed it most as they showed me no mercy when I needed it most and pain as severe as they gave me and to do with them as He sees fit. And with that one last wish, that one last breath, that one last memory I released MJ and Tracy into God’s hands and gave space in my heart to accept a new beginning, a new life and a new cleaned space for my true path to take its residence in me.

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Trust in Alex-Part 3

Part 3

Alex took a deep breath as he rapidly said to me in Arabic “Oh the ring….well…..the thing is that it is a very hot day today and so I didn’t want to wear too much so I decided to take the ring off….cause it is a hot day….it is hot and I didn’t want to wear too many things” I stared at him for a few seconds  as he tried to remove his eyes away from mine and started to fiddle with his shirt buttons. I questioned him in Arabic saying “How bizarre…… I have never heard of someone getting so hot that they keep all their cloths on and take off a tiny little ring therefore relieving them of the heat?” I sarcastically continued to say in English this time to make it a point to all those sitting with us “it would have made more sense to take off your shirt, maybe put on shorter shorts or even shave off your hair”  and then turning around to lanky guy i continue to say “but never the ring” I laughed at my own joke as I turned around to talk to the woman sitting to my left. That conversation didn’t go on for too long she seemed extremely uncomfortable with the way me and Alex were discussing things in Arabic making her feel completely excluded and more so upon hearing the english sentence i so clearly stated about his ring.

The discomfort I was feeling deep in my gut was starting to irritate me and i wanted to leave, i didn’t know what was bothering me until I understood that the reason I was feeling so uncomfortable was the fact that the Woman on my left was pulsating energies of extreme possessiveness over Alex. Every time I would talk to him she would clench her fist and her body would move closer to Alex as though I was trying to steal him away from her. Another strange thing was that Alex was extremely nervous around her trying his best to make her feel comfortable and included. I started to get a nagging inkling that there was something very off about the woman to my right and that feeling included Alex. So my natural reaction was to remind myself that I was not invading her territory knowing very well that the only women who deserves to be territorial was no other than Julie, Alex’s wife. In wanting to make a loud and clear point to this woman I started to talk about Julia excessively trying to throw a reminder to the strange woman on my right that she is NOT his wife and she better start acting in that respect. As we were all about to leave, Alex asked me to join them for a swim at the beach and I gladly refused with every ounce of my being. I bid them all farewell as I made sure to point at Alex’s hand and tell him loud and clear to put his ring back on and resort to removing his shirt as an alternative method of cooling himself off next time.

That first Sunday morning, right after the weekend Alex came to visit me on site. I had debated the entire weekend if I should call him to give him a piece of my mind or not, I resorted to not calling for the sake that it was none of my business as I was nowhere within that premises of deciet. I was still unsure of what all that was about, what the women was and who she was and why Alex removed his ring when he was around her. Was she someone who had a crush on him and he didn’t want to hurt her feelings? Was she an ex girlfriend who hated his wife? I didn’t want to know and I didn’t care to know so I didn’t call. But when he showed up all happy and bubbly at my site office for a cup of coffee and a chat I had no way of holding back what I needed to ask. I allowed him his five minutes of fun talk and then I asked him as casually as i possibly could “So Alex, who was that woman friend of yours with her buttons about to pop open and her possessive attitude towards you? The woman nearly stabbed me to death every time i spoke to you?” he simply looked at me with the same smile he carried with him throughout his earlier conversation and said “Who are you talking about Rain, are you talking about Sue?” playing stupid he continued with “Ah yeah.……..i think you mean Sue!” he added a slight giggle to the end of that question and continued to say “Sue is my friend, actually my best friend for years and years. She must have acted that way probably cause she was in a bad mood or something” I stayed silent expecting for more information but when non came i went on and said “Look Alex, no woman acts this possessive over JUST a friend. She was about to hammer my head in every time I would speak to you. And with all honesty even your wife was not that freaked out from me when I saw her. Sue’s dress was made to sex up a man and obviously the man she wanted to sex up was you. So tell me the truth who is she?” and before allowing him to start answering me back i blurted out in contained anger “And what the hell happened with the whole ring thing? I see your not feeling so hot today and your ring is back on!!!! What was that all about?” furious with myself for getting this angry and even more furious that he was not telling me the truth making me feel like a total idiot.

The reason I was this furious is because Alex destroyed all the glamorous hope of a good man ever existing, he crushed it to pieces and I was hoping with every cell in my body that I what I was about to hear would revive all that hope again. I kept looking at him with nothing more than hope in my eyes and a challenging look in which I was begging him silently to prove my thoughts wrong. I continued to bagger him with a “hmmmmmm….come on….. tell me….” And more persistently asking “just be honest…who is this Sue?” A glow over takes his face and he lifts up his head and stares at me long and hard then with complete contempt on his face he says to me “ Sue is my ex girlfriend from before I met my wife.” He pauses in anticipation of my reaction and notices that I am still standing there waiting for the rest of the story, he then takes a breath in and blows it out as he says in a low voice “We dated for a while and then we broke up but we stayed sexually together for a while after that. Whomever I dated after her never stopped the friendship me and sue had, it was simple she was my Sex buddy for years”.

Still in my very innocent state of mind I get a slight comfort in what he just told me, she was an ex girlfriend who held a grudge cause he got married to someone else, or so I wanted to believe until I heard the next sentence “We also continued to have sex after I got married, she was a friend at the end of the day and that was one of the many things we did in our friendship” I could not believe it, my love story was coming to a complete end the more words that kept floating out of Alex’s mouth the more i stopped being able to comprehend my new reality. So in a soft whisper I asked him “Does your wife know anything about this?” and he says “of course not…. she knows we are only friends but strangely enough a year ago she wanted me to stop talking to her for no reason at all.” surprised at his surprise I then ask sarcastically “So she had no idea and simply asked you never to see your supposed best friend ever again” and he said “ Yes, things were great she used to fly into town to come visit us and sleep over at our house, there were times where we would watch tv together and they would both be sitting next to me lying their heads on my shoulders. There was never a problem at all. So I don’t know what changed my wife around. She just stopped wanting her around.” With a sigh he continued to say “Women feel things, I am sure she felt there was something there” so I promised her that I would stop talking to her.

In utter dismay I tell him “Obviously you haven’t, she is here visiting you from out of town acting like an extremely jealous girlfriend. Your wife is out of town, what are you going to tell her?” and he simply said “She will never know, I answer her calls, we talk she knows I go out at night and party with my friend. Why should she know?” I stare at him, I feel like I am doing nothing but stare at him throughout this whole entire disturbing conversation. “ we are not sleeping together anymore, I made that very clear to her before she came to visit me. I told her that we are only friends with no sex.” He shook his head up and down to affirm what he just told me.

“So she is fine with that?” I ask and don’t wait for an answer before I say “obviously she is still pretty obsessed with you, and I don’t believe that you are not sleeping together anymore. I don’t believe it for a second, especially that you had your ring off and you never take off that ring. And the way she was acting was so obvious….why Alex?”  He looks at me sincerely and says “trust me we are not anymore, I am a good man to my wife. Believe me, she is trying all day to seduce me into sex and I am not giving her a chance. She walks around my apartment in her sexy lingerie and I don’t even budge, I keep my eyes on the tv”

“At your house!!!!! In her lingerie???!!!! Are you kidding!!! Do I look like there is the word idiot written all over my forehead?” I ask him with utter shock at what I just heard and then I gently express with utmost sadness in my voice “You poor wife…your poor poor wife, trusting you the way she does, having no idea who you really are”. I resort to ending the topic at hand, my chest was starting to tighten and the air was starting to escape me. Is it possible that this wonderful man is a cheater and such a great liar? Needless to say I had just unraveled the tip of the iceberg that day not knowing the abundance of new knowledge I will be acquiring from this young man in the months to come.

We end the topic and I go back to my desk unable to do any work or concentrate on anything other than hoping God didn’t hear my wishes for a man like Alex. Wishing with all my might that all these wishes I sent out don’t ever get answered and I start to write a men hating list instead.

To be continued………

Follow that feeling…Follow that voice

It was a horrible time, I hated every minute of my living arrangements and avoided going back home whenever the opportunity arose. I had been living a lie for a year and had recently come to the understanding that whom I was living with was nothing of who I thought she was. I started developing the inability to look that person in the eye or be in the same space as her, I felt stifled in my own home. I had to leave, I needed my own space, I had to remove myself from the lies and hypocrisy that I was surrounded with night and day.

It all started a month after our move together into a new apartment(full story written in “Shocking Truth”). At first I didn’t like the apartment we had found, I felt a negativity within in it and the sun never visited the large floor to ceiling windows. There was a gloom and the sense of negativity within the space of the living room and the bedrooms. Tracy, my roommate at the time, was loving everything about it and was determined to move in, therefore convincing me on a daily basis that this was the perfect apartment for us. I succumbed to her needs and naggings and we moved in to the gloomy apartment a week after our first visit.

Two nights after moving into the apartment I was awakened by a deep male voice whispering loudly in my ear to go to my bathroom and check out the leakage. As I was over taken with sleep and exhaustion I stumbled out of my bed, walked into my bathroom and found an abundance of water flowing all over its floors slowly pouring itself out into my bedroom. Sandy eyed and exhausted I unhook the leaking pipe, throw a towel on the floor and stumble back to bed. The next morning I wake up unsure if what I did the night before was a dream or reality. As I rush towards the bathroom to check on its situation, I find a towel thrown on the floor and puddles of water proving that the occurrence was a reality. It was at that day that I knew this apartment was coming with its share of bad omens but I was confronted to know that I may have a guardian angel watching over me.

As the weeks passed, strange things started to occur with Tracy, her true nature was showing itself to me yet I was determined not to see it. She used to sit and stare at me, and when I would ask if she was ok, she would rant on about her beauty. Other times I would sit and listen to her ranting on about her friends in the most condescending of manners yet upon their arrival to our home or our meeting them somewhere outside, she would greet them with such warmth and love that I doubted she had ever said anything so heinous about them. She would shamelessly flirt with the opposite sex after convincing me that her abilities with the opposite sex are nonexistent and that she is of great moral value and ethics therefore confirming to me constantly her inability to flirt. She would insist that her religious morals would never allow her to marry someone outside of her religion, yet upon meeting one of her best friends (who was a guy she wanted to marry) her values would change and I would listen to her tell me that if his parents accepted her, since she was of different religion, she would leave her family behind and her religious standards. When she noticed that me and her guy best friend talked easily to one another cause we were childhood friends, she would tell me that he is not a man worthy of even being friends with as she would make plans with him behind my back telling me other tales instead. She would try to prove her loyalty to me by never attending an outing that included my ex husband, but then when me and my ex tried to date again she flirted with him in ways that made me confused over what her words would say and her actions were doing.

With all that, I was still trying my best to believe that her words were what I was to believe in and not her hypocrite like actions. Then one day, I find out, by pure luck, or through the guardian angel I thought I had, that her venom was spewing towards me. The tender words, and confessions of loyalty and friendship were all a farce, the same way it was a farce with everyone around her. As I had learnt the hard way, what she was doing to everyone was being done to me and it was the greatest day of awakening to me. I was living with someone who held no moral grounds, who had no ethics and who lied with such great abilities that only a person living with her was able to see it after a whole year. I confronted her with all her lies and naturally she denied all of it. Upon my second confrontation, there were truths that she was unable to hide and begged me to stop repeating all the things that have been cleared to me in the last months. After that was done, I told her we need to split up, that I am unable to live with a person of her caliber and ethics. She insisted that we should stay living together, hoping that I was the fool I had been for the last year, or the same fool her friends were for years. As she confessed her love to me, and hugged me I felt a pang of pain in my heart for her, yet no less than 24 hours later I heard more things she was saying about me and I ended it all. I told her I will be leaving her, that I want nothing to do with her, and I warned her that Karma was a bitch, she had done so much wrong for so many people that it will all come falling down on her. I stormed out of the house, spending the next coming nights at my sister’s house to avoid any more contact with Tracy and I started my house hunt.

I walked into so many different apartments, I called so many different agents to show me what is available. I had a friend who was a real estate agent and had him find me an apartment. There was nothing that felt right, there was nothing that bought the sunlight in and made me feel fresh and alive. A week into it, my real estate friend found me a beautiful one bedroom apartment that was exactly in the location I had wanted, on the floor I dreamt of having and with a full sea view that takes your breath away. With finding what I wanted, I arrived back to my doomed home with Tracy and told her that I will be moving out within the week. For some reason I felt sorry for her, and she started to ask me about apartments too since she didn’t want to stay in this one alone and she couldn’t afford it alone. So I started to give her the names of the real estate agents I used and started to tell her about all the apartments I saw, giving her the building names and the apartment numbers for her to check them out. I still could never live with her, knowing who she really was, but I still didn’t mind helping her. So we became respectful of one another and I gave her all the help I could to find her a new apartment.

I went to see that one bedroom apartment that I loved everyday, just to make sure that it was the one I wanted to live in, but there was always something nagging me not to live there. The energy was not something I felt comfortable with although everything else was exactly what I was looking for. I was done with looking around, but I was feeling like there was something else for me, and that this apartment will bring sadness into my life. I wanted to get out of my apartment and out of Tracys life style and so I tried to ignore my nagging feeling of looking around some more.

In a matter of days, I heard something else that Tracy was saying about me and I lost my mind totally. I stormed into the house and lost all control of my language and words, everything I felt in my heart came pouring out and I slammed the apartment door shut as I drove to my sisters house. It was time for me to leave, I needed to leave this very minute. I decided to go for the one bedroom apartment that I liked just to get out. I stopped my search and was ready to make the payments for my new apartment when I receive a message on my phone. My father had come across a real estate agent who has some apartments in the location I wanted. Out of complete despair and to please my dad I called the guy. He was a scrawny little guy, I met him and he took me to several apartments, one of them being the one bedroom that I was about to sign the contract for. I looked around the apartment and thought to myself “This must be the one for me since it is the third time it has been shown to me, although I feel that its energy is not that good” that is when he told me he has only one more apartment to show me. I told him I was not interested since I am probably going to take this one. He says ok, but then tells me that I should still look at it since I have seen everything else why not just try this last one.

I walk into that one last apartment and I loose my senses, this was the apartment all along, this was the one my heart and soul kept telling me to wait for. Upon my first step I feel the energy pulling me towards it, the sunlight is beaming through all the windows, the panoramic windows have nothing to show me other than the blue waters of the sea. It is the same price of the one bedroom I was about to take but this one had two bedrooms. It was what I had always had in mind, it felt right on so many levels, it was mine to have.

A few days later I was moving all my things out, joy in my heart at the miracle that just took place. I was free of gloomy apartment, I was free of Tracy and her life style, I was free to allow miracles back into my life. When things in life start looking so ugly, and people start to show their true colors, you must know that it is time for a change and the universe is pushing you in the direction to make that change. Once you accept it and embrace it, what your heart desires comes into fruition and the change is a welcomed blessing.

This is one of my miracle stories, this is something that makes me remember that I need to always follow my gut feeling, and that I should never settle for anything less than what my true self knows I should have. Listen to that soft whisper, pay attention to a nagging feeling and make sure to follow your heart s it tells you the truth before you incorporate a new person or life style into your life.

For this evening i will wear This Mask.

I walk into my office and find all my things have been cleared out as my papers are stacked up in another room, bend awkwardly thrown in a box. I storm around trying to find out who had the audacity to do this. To my surprise a colleague of mine, who constantly had coffee with me as she also enjoyed taking my advice, and asking for work help, decided to clean out my office since she got a new position in the same company. She assumed she was to take my position on my holiday leave therefore deciding to move in, discard of my things and never even call me to ask me if it were true. The worst part was that after a confrontation she still persisted that she was respectful of my things and my personal space. As it turned out, she was only there for a day, which really makes things much worse (she obviously could not wait to take over my office while I was on leave) luckily she was asked to leave cause of her uncalled for behavior in previous encounters with work. Strangely I had defended her throughout all her troubles at work, providing support with nothing but good words that I spread to the angered work people.

 I find out that one of my girlfriend’s boyfriend receives a hate/ warning e-mail about her from a girl that has had a fall out with her in the past. Disappointingly she discovers that all the right methods of dealing with that situation were over looked by him as she was also not told about the hateful e-mail when it was time for her to know. She was told too late to be able to stand and defend herself, not knowing that there would ever come a time where she would have to actually defend herself  when she had trust in her boyfriend to do the right thing by her.

The maid calls me up on the phone to tell me that she left a whole bunch of her bags in my storage room and she wants to come and pick them up in five minutes. I am utterly surprised at this new knowledge, I had her things in my storage this whole entire time and she never told me? She has my keys when I travel, I trust her with my cats, she pays my bills and now she felt the need to hide vital information that have to do with the trust I have for her with my home? She had three weeks since my return to tell me that she needed to store her things, but she chose not to tell me and use the excuse that I was out of town.

An ex-friend talks dirt about her best friend making her out to be a dirty liar and a whore as she pretends to love her in her presence. I defend her best friend and explain that her actions are not of a whore but of a good person who is very happy to constantly declare her well kept virginity till the age of 34. To my surprise I find out that her best friend, whom I would constantly defended in her absence, decided to spread her own venom of warnings about me, also in the same dirty way my ex-friend used to do things. Not surprising that they are best friends.

A colleague at work expresses her deep desire to be closer to God, the need to find herself spiritually hoping that her fiancé would want to do the same. We sit for hours and months talking about her new changes and how to go about them, how good she is as a person how much she loves her fiancé. We get into deep discussions about marriage and the loyalties involved in it, how much she can’t imagine her life without her fiancé expressing her great bond with him. Only to discover months later that she was sleeping with her best friend’s husband all along.

When can you trust your back with people these days? There is a constant alertness that needs to be present, there is no one in the recent years that has the ability to stand up for anyone else but themselves. Is the solution to  keep your guards up at all times and defend no one in return? But this can’t be the right way to live your life, this cannot be what our generation has turned into. I look back at all the friends I have today since childhood and I know that I am taken care of regardless of where I am and what I have become. My back is taken care of whether I am there or I am not there. There is a loyalty that does not seem to exist anymore amongst the people of this society. Is it possible that the people outside of my handpicked international circle of friends have not been taught the simple basics of trust and loyalty? In this place where I call my temporary home, I have found the most international abundance of people, yet their international standards of loyalty falls on a different track than the one I have come to understand and live by all those years.

How many faces do people really have? And how comfortable are they with all those multiple masks they keep changing according to the environment they are in? Do they really know who they are when they go to bed at night as they contemplate their life? Are they able to trust all those around them when they too do the same thing that their dearest of friends do to them? Is it all about pleasing and following the herd? There is a loss of individualism in this specific place we live in today. Holding on to ethics, values and moral beliefs have become the old fashioned thing to do. When can we start trusting our neighbors to keep watch on our home in our absence and know without a doubt that our home is being well protected and taken care of?

Yes, we do all talk about our friends to other friends, let’s not get carried away here, but in reality those friends always end up finding out one way or another, and the intention is never to hurt them or talk dirty about them. It is always to vent out a situation that is bothersome prior to talking to the concerned friend about it. Or to figure out a way to approach the friend in need by asking another friend’s advice on the matter, or simply expressing your back biting desire in front of that person in complete openness making it a confrontation and NOT a back biting session with other friends. When you hear something about one of your friends that could hurt them, then you stand up for them and defend them with your life, their dignity is you’re dignity. A word to the wise, always tell your friend what you heard so that he/ she can defend themselves if they ever have to encounter that situation alone, do not leave them defenseless and clueless, trust me; that never helped anyone in the long run. And if you ever have bad mouthed your friend to others; then tell that friend openly about it, it is better to hear it from the horse’s mouth than from the outside world.

We are our home, and we need more than ourselves to take care of our home. Especially in our absence, specifically when the key has been given to someone else to care for your home the same way you have cared for their home.