When does it become unacceptable?

Anger boils over inside of me as Jack asked “Well did he hit you?”

“No” Emily says, surprised that he would even ask that question. Was all what she was saying not enough to walk out on her current relationship? My face was starting to hurt from the frown that had over taken my face for the past half hour, listening to Emily re-tell her story with her husband to Jack as tears rolled down her face. I couldn’t understand why Jack was even asking if her husband was hitting her? What relevance did that have to do with the pain Emily has been suffering for years with this man?

I asked him point blank “What relevance does this have? Is it not enough that He is constantly swearing at her, slamming doors all over the house, being completely impolite to any member of her family or any of her friends that enter her house, he doesn’t give her money to be able to support the house hold requirements and her baby girls requirements yet spends a ton on his friends and his entertainment, he is out partying every single night without her, he doesn’t allow her to go to bars or clubs at night without him even though he does constantly, he has caused his little girl to wake up screaming at night fearing that her father would kill her mother, he sits and does nothing in the house except talk on the phone to his buddies laughing or flipping through tv channels as she keeps running around the house fixing things, he uses his kids for his social outings to be accepted in society, he doesn’t allow her to work so she doesn’t attract the attention of the opposite sex” I take a deep breath in, calm myself down and asked calmly “So answer this Jack, what does it matter, to you, if he hits her or not?” Jack looked at me surprised as though I was asking him a question about giving birth and how he felt during it. I repeated my question to him more aggressively and he finally responded saying “Well since he does not hit her, then they can work things out. hitting her would be unacceptable in every way possible.”

Shocked out of my wits I didn’t know how to answer him back, all that rummaged through my mind was the fact that if a woman ever dared do all that to her husband she would be banished by everyone including her family, they would tell her that it is up to her to make this marriage work. Any man who went to complain about the same things would have given the green light for every human being (male or female) to reprimand the woman until she breaks down in humiliation for her actions. Yet when a woman complains about being mistreated on a daily basis the world tends to stand by his side and ask the woman to accept it as long as she is not being physically abused. She is supposed to take in his infidelity, his rudeness, his verbal condemning ways, his absence physically and financially and only be able to make a valid stand if he went out of his way and hit her.

Strange how this type of injustice is not accepted upon animals and yet upon women it is considered bad, yet not unjust. A woman is put in a position today to accept all that is done to her by a man because he has not physically abused her YET. A woman is expected to be the brains in the family, the glue that holds everything together regardless of what her mental state has become because of all the degrading ways she has been treated.  A woman has to turn a blind eye to her husband having affairs hoping that he will one day come to his senses, but when that day never comes she has to confront him and in return the society gives the excuse of him being a “Man” and men need more than one woman. She is then asked yet again to accept it and be a better wife to her husband cause she was probably the reason he went to another woman for sex. If a woman cheats on her husband she is thrown to the gutters, her kids are taken away from her, her marriage is over, her is shunned out from society with not a single word mentioned that it could have possibly been the husbands fault.

What really gets to me is this, after my talk with Emily and Jack, I found Emily agreeing with Jack, seeing his point of view, assessing the situation and wronging herself the whole time. She provoked his anger, she allowed him to neglect her and stop spending money on her and the family, it was her fault she was too busy taking care of the house and her child and her new pregnancy, of course he would go mad and naturally she thanked God that he never hit her “He is a good man that he never hit me. I would have left for sure.”

And in that ended the whole pain she had been suffering for years with her husband. I later on found out that all her girlfriends gave her a similar advice and sad as it was, women accept this upon themselves. Women will tell women to stick around in a horrible relationship, with a cheating man, with a stingy guy, with a man who has temper management issues and tell the woman it is all in her hands to make this work.

When have we ever become the weaker sex? We are able to give birth, take care of a house, go to work, socialize with the world and sleep for a maximum of six hours a night and still have the ability to do everything and more than any man could even dream of. What happened to reprimanding a man for his misconduct and behavior, who said it was ok? Who said that we were born, as women, to live this way? How come every man gets away with murder and women can’t get away with an extra hour of sleep if needed?

Women know how to build fear in other women, making them accept the unacceptable. Telling them horror stories of what life would look like if she did leave her husband “You will not be able to support yourself, you have not worked for years.” Or “What about the kids? They need a father figure” or “Live with it till your kids are old enough then leave”or “ Who will every marry a woman with children? It is too much baggage. So it is best to stay with the man who helped in procreating them.”

What women don’t understand is this “If women stood up and supported one another and did not accept to be treated in such a disturbing disregard to their humanity then men will have no choice but to stop.” As long as the world accommodates such actions and only the visual physical abuse is the allowed reason to leave a man, women will always be where they are today, and they will keep procreating more men that abuse their women, cause women don’t know how to stand up for their human rights.

If every woman keeps accepting this as a way of life, and if women will always advise women to be the abused member of the family then things will never change and women will always be spat on. Her kids will also treat her with disrespect the way their father had, and they will repeat the same pattern onto their wives in the future and every woman will again tell that woman in pain “It is ok, it is all in your hands, you’re the smarter one. Men are like children let him do his thing, and you stay the good wife, he will come around. As long as he didn’t hit you then you can fix it.”

Emilie’s story is one of the many stories I have came across in all these years of watching and listening to couples. With such sadness I have to say that I might have met one in every 30 marriages where there is a balanced relationship between man and woman. What women don’t understand is this: they are telling their daughters that it is ok to be treated this way and they are telling their sons it is ok to treat a woman this way. They think they are making life better for their children when in reality they are allowing the same patterns to continue to evolve and have no regard to how their daughters will be treated in the future or how their sons will treat women.


The beauty of my Planet X

I was reading through all my previous articles and i realized i loved this one so much, that i had to re-post it again 🙂

Within the last three years my life took a detour unlike any I had ever encountered in the 32 years I had existed on this earth.

I had lived a life filled with love, hope and dreams of pink ponies and a prince on a white horse. I believed in all the beauties of the great possibilities of what the future may hold for me. My existence was based on love; love of others, love of life and most importantly the belief in everlasting love with my soul mate. I believed in every cell of my body that my soul mate was just a step away from me, I dreamt of it and at times I felt it. I dreamt of my happily ever after as I basked in the comforts of security and financial bliss provided to me on a silver platter by my parents.

Life was a pink bubble of dreams waiting to happen. I lived in my heart, I lived in my soul and I lived most of my time in my thoughts; a place my family used to call “Planet X”. I spent 80% of my time on planet X and I utterly relished every moment of it. On my private planet I had a beautiful home that was white in color in the rare areas in which something other than glass windows showed. It possessed a beautiful large dark wooden terrace that wrapped itself around three quarters of my glass home. My home over looked the most luscious green fields on one side and faced the wide ocean expanse on the other side.   A cobbled street lead up to my front door as it settled itself amongst an array of fruit trees providing a colorful design to the surrounding fields of green. Butterflies flew haphazardly on top of an abundance of wild flowers that continuously swayed with the soft chilled breeze that blew across the sea. There were Small colored shops filled with the smiles of potential buyers and the hopeful sellers. There were a small variety of restaurants that were embedded underneath the gushing flow of a tempress waterfall.  I had horses and ponies that knew me by my fragrance and raced towards me when I would enter their fields of freedom to welcome me into their world. I had peace, love, happiness and honesty amongst everyone that lived on planet X. Most importantly my Planet X gave me the ability to see my real world with peace, love, happiness and honesty.

For the last three years I have been trying to find Planet X, I try to sit on my own to conjure it back into my life; sadly I have realized that Planet X has left me, it spat me out of its heavenly comforts. It left me to fend for myself; with no more fruitless hope on the great possibilities of a dream like future to go back to.

I miss planet X, I miss my outlook on life and I miss having trust and belief in the good of others. Within the last three years I had married a man I believed to be my soul mate, no later than eight months I was demolished and divorced the cruelest man I had ever encountered in my whole life.  That was the first sign of the hazy disappearance of my Planet X, as it still remained a part of my life, but a lot less vivid, I believed that things will only get better after the biggest crush of my life. Sadly, I made another wrong choice as I was still trying to believe in the good in humanity. I chose to share an apartment with a woman who showed nothing but kindness and love for me, to discover a year and a half later that she was disclosing my pain to others and destroying my reputation using tactfully planned lies for no reason other than preserving her need to make her surrounding environment believe the lie of the person she really was. Once I had gotten back on my feet again trying to bring into my life my Planet X in hopes of reviving my bright hopes of the future again. To my dismay it took a few months to find my Planet X, and this time around I noticed how its previously vibrant colors were diminishing behind a grey colored smog. It was hard to acquire hope or muster up any positive outlook on humanity. During that period in my life, my only sanctuary was my work, I had a passion for it unlike anything else, and any possibility of ever leaving it was deleted by my abundance of loyalty I had for it. After pouring my heart and soul into my work and proving myself completely competent of all the tasks that were under my scope and out of my scope of work I was pleased to know that my company decided to hire a new member into our wonderful team. A few months down the line, the new member’s attitude started to slowly creep its way into my professional life, I was unable to comprehend what he was trying to do. He smiled with earnest in front of me as he praised my continuous ability to make things happen at work. To my dismay, as time elapsed, I found that most of the jobs that I was handling were nowhere to be seen, he was discarding of me, and hating my tremendous closeness to all the people I worked with and for. He took work away from me telling me it was taken care of while making others believe I was not competent enough to do the work. He never once confronted me with anything, his mode of communication with me consisted of nothing more than jokes, gossips and continuous praise. The work environment became competitive and it lost all the beauty of group work. I had to watch my back with my every move as I monitored his every move, suspecting all his underlying truths knowing they were all lies. I fought like a lioness protecting her cubs, not succumbing to a bully trying to demolish all the hard work I had slaved for in two years. He was tranquilized for a few months until his strength was built again, taunting me with the same methods in a much sneakier way this time around.

As I continued fighting my work battle I lost total faith in humanity and planet X had completely disappeared. I could not even access it anymore for I was unable to sit with myself for more than five minutes. A month after my first confrontation at work took place my parents got divorced and I lose sight of everything I ever held close to my heart. My sanctuary, my security and my home were gone. All what I believed to be real was erased from my being and there was nothing to hold onto anymore.  From a life of complete love, acceptance, support, humanity, respect, values, loves from great men, friends that were devoted to my friendship and an artistic business that I owned; came the forceful gush of the harsh doors of emotional and mental hell. Of course planet X disappeared from my existence as I had come to understand that I don’t believe in it anymore. My three year experiences showed me a side to humanity that I had never known existed before. Those devastating three years poured its black gunk all over my beautiful pink bubble, over powering all the beauty that lived within it.

Today as I am still battling the dark disappointments within me, I have missed Planet X with all the innocence it had provided me with. I want to go back to Planet X, I am working hard to seduce it back into my life, I am exhausted of disappointment, I am tired of sadness and I am open to all the upcoming experiences that I must face. I have come to terms with a few of my disappointments, knowing that today I am fully aware of what I DO NOT want in my life giving me more clarity to the things I truly cherish and want in my life.

I am able today to see my planet X, i actually can touch it every once in a while and it is a welcoming feeling that i have longed for. My planet X has found it’s way through all the mess and has started to cleanse my soul bit by bit and with every breath i take it filters me with hope and love and removes all the dirt and dust.

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A moment in memory lane

A wonderful artist i came across on the internet his name is R young. Beautiful, breath taking paintings

It’s a silent night in a silent house, everyone has gone to sleep and I am left alone to do as I wish. There is a closed off room in the house that holds an abundance of all my old belongings. With nothing to do but sit and listen to the useless chatter taking place in my thoughts I walk towards the closed door and pry it open. I am dumbfounded by the amount of boxes and suitcases cluttering up what used to be the guest bedroom. I switch on the lights and walk into the room not knowing where to start and what box to look into first. I look to my right and see three large boxes piled up on top of one another and decide to open the most accessible one to me. There is a transparent scotch tape holding only one side of the box closed, which takes me an extra three seconds to wedge off. I tear open the box and to my amazement I find a whole bunch of my oldest collection of cassette tapes. My hands are inside the box pulling out one tape at a time, trying to remember what each one contained. I get restless from standing over the box on my tiptoes and at a whim start carrying the box as my legs and arms shiver from its weight. I place it down on the floor, dust my hands off and cross my legs as I slowly place myself neatly on the floor.

As i sit there rummaging through all my old things, i come across an abundance of old tapes i used to be obsessed with. There are tapes with stickers on them expressing their importance to me, others have a mini list of song titles to tell me what songs are on that specific tape. I have travelled back in time, I am actually walking down my own personal memory lane and I am loving every minute of it.  I pick up one tape and try really hard to read the washed off remains of the words on it; to no avail. I get off the floor, tape in hand, and rush off towards the adjacent room; my eyes scan the space as my legs walk towards the cassette player that is still sitting patiently on the console. Excitedly I stick the tape in hoping it will still work although it has accumulated an abundance of dust throughout the years.

“Song instead of a kiss” engulfs the entire space and filters itself into my longing ears. My face broadens with a smile as I start to waltz around the room in a sweeping manner, holding the tip of my dress in between my thumb and forefinger. I am on my tip toes gliding across the room, singing to the words I had long forgotten, or thought I had forgotten, when all of a sudden the tape screeches, a click and one of my oldest best friends voices is blaring out of the tape recorder “I cant believe it…..they just stopped it…unbelievable…UNBELIVABLE… THEY ARE SO irrrriiiitttaaaattttiiiinnnnnggggggggg” she yells at the top of her lungs. My dress drops out of my fingers as I tilt my head upwards to release an explosion of laughter at the obviously very angered voice seeping its way out of the speakers.

Click…shshshshshshs…click….song instead of a kiss, baby this is a song instead of a kiss…for all of you who ach so much….here is a song instead of a kiss….click. The tape stops, end of side A.

I start laughing even more, this time falling down on my knees with my head droppping forward between my legs as my hands grasp the carpeted floor to help hold up my upper body. The change of moods was shockingly distorting and the flood of memories that came with the screeching break in the middle of an amazingly wonderful song reminded me of the days back in high school.

I remembered it so well, and if it weren’t for the rude interference with the song I would have never remembered that specific incident. Me and my best friend loved to dance, we walked around with our cassette tapes everywhere we went, sometimes we even bought our stereo to school. On one of our many after school events we decided to watch the boys in our group play basketball in the front courtyard. Naturally we carried out our stereo with our collection of tapes and walked towards them. We placed our beloved items on the wide rim of a planter that was located right next to the basket ball court. The tape we chose to play was a mixed song tape, meaning that it had a variety of slow and fast songs all jumbled up. When the song “Song instead of a kiss” came up, the boys grunted and rolled their eyes, it was too much of a girly song for them at the time, they wanted something to keep them pumped up as they played their game. Me and my friend decided to ignore their grunts and started to sway to the song paying no attention to their elevating voices as they tried to mimic the song with soprano like sounds. To our surprise one of the boys had the guts to leave the game, rush over towards our stereo and stop the song. What we all didn’t know back then was that he pressed the record button instead of the stop button, allowing the wonderful memory of my friend screaming at the top of her lungs at the boys in utter disgust as she hovered towards the player to continue playing the song, to last a lifetime with me. A memory of innocence and simplicity that I cherish with all my heart till this very day.

Here is the song and the lyrics, maybe you also have a wonderful memory to this song.

Enjoy 🙂

Click it if you want it: Song Instead Of A Kiss

Instead of a kiss
Baby this is a

Instead of a kiss

For all of you who ache, who long
For nights like this

Instead of a touch
Darlin’ this is a

Instead of a touch

To all of you who wait so long It is for those who like to cling
It is to those, to those I
And need so much

Here is a song instead of a clutch
Instead of a moon
Instead of a soothing touch
In the afternoon

It is for those who like to cling
It is to those, to those I sing
Here is a song instead of a clutch
Instead of a moon
Instead of a soothing touch
In the afternoon

Mini Wish

I loved snow white as a young child and the most thing I loved about her was her ability to understand the animals. I used to watch how the birds used to fly over and place themselves on her fingers as she sang and whistled to them happily. From the very first time I watched snow white I had wished so hard that i possessed the same charisma that snow white possessed with the animals; wanting them to rush to me the same way they rushed to her. I wanted more than anything to have a random bird willingly to fly towards me and stand on my finger. There were lots of fairytale things that I wanted in my life after watching Disney cartoons. As I grew older these cartoons still remained a huge part of what I found beautiful in this world. On my illusionary world on “planet X” (read post: Personal stories-The beauty within my planet x), there were lots of Disney like fantasies that would come into fruition once I gave my heart and mind the time to sit alone and contemplate matters of my life.

I sat silently around a round glass table with my elbows placed on the cold glass surface as my head rested in the slight curve of my uplifted hands. I was listening attentively to one of my best friends who came into town a few days ago after deciding to spend her spring break vacation with me in Montreal. I had just turned 21 and life had an unexpected way of passing by without any worries or concerns of any magnitude. The leaves were blossoming on the trees and up above the sky was crisp blue that possessed one long white line across it, giving it the depth that it needed to show it’s brightness in full view. People from all walks of life flaunted their summer outfits on the pebble paved sidewalks, enjoying the fresh beginnings of summer to come. A merge of English, French, Arabic, Indian and Spanish words flocked themselves towards the surrounding air, filtering their spoken words into a jumble of mumbles making them unidentifiable by anyone who tried to make out their contents.

We spoke about the meaning of life with all the innocence we posessed back in those days. With complete disregard to the fact that we had experienced nothing of life yet, only assuming that we had already experienced it to its fullest, we spoke of the burdens of our lives. We laughed at one another’s horror stories, and listened carefully to one another’s childlike philosophies on miracles and the existance of God. Mandy, that was the name of my friend, was trying to figure out what to do after she graduated. As we jumped from one topic to the next we found ourselves elaborating in depth about the miracle of “letting go” and just letting life lead its way. We were talking about the beauty of wishes and how once a wish is made, it is sent out to the universe to finds it’s way into our reality in whichever time the wish was meant to happen.

As we carried out that conversation, getting a feeling of ease and serenity about our lives, I remove my head from between my hands and start to express vividly the grandness of God with all His might and abilities. As I stretch my hands up above my head to indicate the magnitude of all the wonders of life, a small little brown bird flaps it’s body towards me and places it’s tiny feet on my raised finger. I leisurely look up at my elevated hand as I bring it down ever so slowly to stare at what just landed on my finger. A smile over takes my face as the shocking truth over powers my shaking hands; my hearts deepest wish at the mere age of a six became my reality at the age of twenty one.

Butterflies in Time – Chapter 1 – David

Once upon a time in the year of 2000 there was a young man by the name of David. A handsome young man who loved music from within his inner core, he allowed the wonders of the beats to enter his soul as he enjoyed the entertainment that he was so willingly able to offer to others. David was a DJ an underground DJ that knew how to max wonderful mixes going from song to song with complete ease, fulfilling his listeners with an inner build up of euphoria that would take their souls to the outskirts of the universe and bring them back gently as the night was coming to an end. On those nights David would receive an abundance of red roses from his fans as they would stare at him all starry eyed filled with hope.
In the late hours of the night, music would be gently penetrating the walls of his home, practicing his music skills preparing for another night of musical ecstasy. His parents were worried about him but his sisters were proud of him, nights on end they would all sit in his room and listen to him merge his music into one journey that would allow all to feel the warmth of the desired state. It was a good life, it was a simple life, and there were so many more of those nights to come, if only it were not for the country that David’s family decided to reside in life may have stayed on the course it was on.
David came from a wealthy family, yet regardless of the wealth his parents were very keen on providing their children with the humblest of attitudes. He had two sisters each one completely different than the other with one thing in common the abundance of love that they all had for one another. His older sister Sandra was very righteous and her main concerns in life were always to watch out for her family making sure that they were all in a good place in their lives. As for the younger sister Rosie, well she was of a wild spirit always ready to go against any rule that was cast down upon her by her parents.

As they were growing up, Sandra, Rosie and David were at opposite ends of the spectrum on life, Sandra was the one who always laughed and danced around the house without a care in the world, living in her own bubble that was filled with pink butterflies and ponies. She was always asked to step out of her bubble to solve a problem then allowed to move back in once the problem was solved. She had learnt that laughing was a good way to ward of sadness and it became her understanding to always be the life of the house. Rosie was of a quieter nature more to herself yet incredibly smart, there were days where she would sleep with the encyclopedia thrown open next to her as she had memorized a new word or a new definition. She was also very attached to her mother holding on to her skirt in hope that she won’t get lost, it was a grounding to her, a way to allow her to feel safe and secure from the world outside. Rosie would observe her older sister and require that she be given the same privileges, not allowing her parents to offer her any less. This activated in her an ability to peruse with full force what she wanted to do, having complete ability to persist for days on end without a breath of air until she got what she wanted. On the other hand Rosie was of utmost kindness, taking care of anyone who was ill or feeling down by providing them with blankets and soup to comfort their aching body or sad soul. As for David, being the youngest in the family, he was loved by their mother. In actuDavidty it is a good thing that she did show more love to him since he was receiving torturous times from his sister Rosie, as Rosie was being miss treated by her sister Sandra.

David was extremely quiet, he spent most of his time playing on his own, cars were a wonder to him and comic books were his world. He spent his entire childhood collecting comic books. Each time he would buy one he would make sure to put it back in its transparent envelope that he bought it in so that one day, if he felt like reading it again, he would be able to feel that it was still brand new. David was a mystery, his kindness was shown in his gentle ways with others, his well thought of words, his self expression and his love towards his family. The family depended on his kindness and with time his powerful wisdom in whatever stage of life he was in was always welcomed by all. In silence you seek knowledge and David was definitely silent and a great seeker of knowledge. The universe was of his utmost interest, telescopes were purchased and weeks on end of finding mars were ventured in the darkest hours of the night. He shared all this with Sandra who was also very interested in the universe and all its beauty. With time Sandra and David were closer than any other members of the family. Their interests were similar, their priorities were the same and their life observations and conversations were what created a great bond that allowed them to enter different worlds as they ventured into the glory of the human mind.

As the years passed and the countries changed the closeness of the family grew stronger, they had an abundance of friends but they only had one another to rely on and trust. Since David possessed a mind older than what his age indicated, he enjoyed the times he spend with Sandra’s friends immensely. Sandra always had a full life filled with friends and outings and her parents home was always a haven of fun for everyone she knew. In her high school years her house was a daily outing for others and music would always be blaring from the garden as friends just gathered around to talk, dance sing karaoke or swim in the pool. During those times David was always around, talking to her friends or simply sitting in the shadows observing the how they act and what they are saying to one another. He was loved by all and his intellect and observations were cherished by the older crowd.

Sandra had already graduated and moved to university away from the family to a different country and David was still in touch with all her friends, as some of them decided to stay behind for a year before heading off to university; David would find time to go hang out with them to keep the comfort and self growth that he needed at the time. Sandra’s friends were DJ’s abroad and when they would return back from their universities to visit their families, David would be waiting impatiently for their return in hope of learning something new or acquiring an insight into the outside world. That is when David was introduced to the world of underground mixing, in the ripe age of sixteen David was given the golden key that would set his soul souring, giving him a new way to express himself, allowing him the freedom to maintain his silence.

To be continued………