Alcohol-The ways of the bottle

It is always a wonder how people have the appetite to get completely intoxicated by an enormous abundance of alcohol once they go out at night. What I have a hard time understanding is the amazing ability people have of forgetting the pain they suffer the next day, or the disgraceful behavior they put themselves through once they exceed the social limits of drinking.

If you look at it from a completely different point of view you will come to realize that the person who chose to drink all night long has lost a whole day and a half of their lives. Half a day was spent in complete delusion and the next day in agonizing pain, unable to do anything other than lie in bed in hopes their body will gain its normality again.

I was always one to drink and party, one to go all the way and enjoy myself in the luxuries of the joyful night life. In due time and probably cause of my daily desire to party I started to minimize my outings realizing that days were passing me by and myself image was deteriorating. I was losing touch with all the wonderful possibilities that life was offering me because I was too busy partying with the moon and falling asleep with the rise of the sun.  As I grew older and started to work my outings would be limited to weekends allowing a few hours of daylight delight before the grand gesture to escape into the warmth and safety of my bed. A few years of that life and I was starting to wonder what it was like to have a weekend from dusk till dawn fully alert and able to function headache and nausea free.  I quit drinking for eight years and life looked completely different. When I would go out at night with my friends I was still completely hyper and active dancing the night away with the utmost of pleasure. The shocker was seeing a lot of my friends splattered on the dance floors, toppling over every time they tried to get up or hitting on people that were truly despicable to the sober eye.

My days were filled with the warmth of the sun, the depth of my conscious mind started growing in ways that only day life was able to accomplish. I saw what all the other people saw and felt their glory of the wonders of a completely sober life. Naturally as life always tries to balance a person out and allows them to choose their path I started to suffocate from my own rule of no drinking. I slowly started to incorporate a glass of wine into my outings or an apple Martine, making my head feel light after just a few sips. To me this was a great accomplishment, I was what people call, a cheap date, and I felt honored to be just that. Not that I was a drunk before , but my tolerance for alcohol was very high making me able to hold up a lot of liquor in my system before I got even tipsy. Strangely enough my outings to night clubs started decreasing and my desire to intoxicate myself started to slowly deplete. In time I became a moderate drinker, most of my outings were alcohol free and maybe every few months I would have a few drinks then be turned off by it completely. Even the close to nothing that I would have was ruining my next days and that was starting to get on my nerves allowing me to push away further and further from perceiving alcohol as a pleasure drink.

I returned back to heavy drinking when I met and married my ex husband. It was one of my only remedies and means of self expression. The more he kept telling me that I am not allowed to drink the more I drank, I wanted to rebel in one way or another, but my rebellion was only self harming. I was unable to understand why he was allowed to drink and I was not allowed to, I hated the chauvinism that I was forced to live and abide by. A year and half after the divorce my true nature came in floods and I slowly went back to a drink every once in a while or a few drinks in heavy clubbing outings. My tolerance level had risen again by then and I was unable to feel the buzz of the alcohol until I had managed to sedate myself with a few more glasses. In due time and because I missed my old self and my realizations about life I took an alcohol break. I despised its taste and one glass of wine would turn me into mush. A severe depression would always hit me the next day and in turn would ruin the next few days of my life. As the detachment from Alcohol came my way I started to see people in a different light, the outings were not as fun as they used to be, my friends were acting very strange when they were under the influence of alcohol. Men would turn aggressive and extremely silly and women would become incoherent and slutty. I visualized myself in their shoes and realized what a humiliating state of mind these people are in, and realizing that I was in that state years back without realizing how silly I must have been.

In all fairness I harbor no ill feelings towards people who choose to intoxicate themselves on special occasions or every single night, it is their life to miss out on. The reality of the matter is that I consciously choose not to be a part of that life style and with that choice I have found an array of people who can have a drink or two some nights without having to dilute their whole system with alcohol, making the outings much more interesting to indulge in. There are those who enjoy their alcohol to crazy degrees and have a huge amount of tolerance to it and I do enjoy their company immensely but at the end of the day once I feel things are getting out of control and I may lose respect for that person, I hop in a cab and go back home to the warmth of my bed knowing that I have a long day ahead of me to bask in the sun and enjoy coffees and lunches with an abundance of friends who also chose to have only one or two glasses the night before.

There is a lot more to life than pouring alcohol into your system until delusion hits and spending the rest of the next day searching for things and ways to remove the remains of the night before. The celebration of occasions does not have to include intoxication to abnormal degrees. The joy of it is tremendously short yet the pain after is longer lasting and not worth the few hours of complete self humiliation. As a reiki healer, I am told not to heal anyone if I am under the influence of alcohol, the reason being is that my energy would not be aligned right with me, not being able to provide the person in need of the right healing they deserve to get from me. It closes off my intuitive self and distorts my reality for at least a day or two after, making my one mission in life impossible to accomplish on a daily basis.

I have yet to understand those who still continue to abuse their bodies and humiliate themselves past the age of 30. The married people who have kids and go back home drunk and are unable to wake up in the mornings to care for their children. The young adults who have work the next day and might be responsible for a few members of their family’s security and dignity, The single person who finds no other way of truly enjoying their evening outside of alcohol, or the forty year old who still feels like talking with a slurr and picking up women in the presence of his wife and friends is sexy. I tend to see this as a wakeful state of slumber as life passes them by and their only concerns are where to travel to be able to party the hardest. They miss out on the beauty of their life and what the world has to offer them of excitement and new discoveries, only to drown in the depth of their sorrows and dance with the moon neglecting the arrival of the sun that wants to show them the beauty around them.

 

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Trust in Alex-Part 1

Part 1

I sat on one of the plastic chairs I had purchased a few days ago for the huge terrace of my work place. There were a lot of smokers at work with me and we met up on our breaks to have a cigarette and coffee, the only problem was that there was nowhere to sit and the area started to look dirty and disheveled. SO after two months of having no other means of enjoying my cigarette break I decided to go down to one of the stores and purchase an outdoor plastic seating set. Everyone at work was pleased with this except for the higher management whom were worried that this comfort will cause more people to chill out than be behind their desks working. Regardless of their concerns I continued to enjoy every break I had, and in time as the weather got better I would pick up all the documents I had to read and sign out into the terrace making it my second office space.

                On one of those many days in which I was sitting out in the terrace conversing with a few of my colleagues while enjoying the soft breeze with a coffee mug in one hand and cigarette in the other I met this guy. He introduced himself to the whole group “Hi my name is Alex” he said as he extended his arm to shake everyone’s hands. In no time we were all laughing and joking and our ten minute break turned into a half an hour of nothing but laughter. Alex was a grand addition to the group, he was handsome, tall a full set of jet black hair with the cutest of dimples that appear at the side of his lips when he smiles. At first glance I thought to myself “what a handsome, charismatic man” at the second glance I noticed a wedding band on his left hand and thought to myself “What a shame, all the good men are taken. His wife is very lucky to have such a handsome, funny, grounded man in her life”.

                As the days passed I asked the most natural question that always comes to me without even thinking “So Alex, tell me your love story, how did you and your wife meet”. I heard him speak of the woman he chose to marry and his love for her. How there is no one else in the world that fits him as well as she does. How all his previous relationships were never gonna lead him to commit the way he committed to his wife. She was fun, loving and beautiful and they understood one another so easily that they were bound to end up spending the rest of their lives together. I learnt that she was pregnant at the time and he was over joeys with the new addition to his life. He expressed how he loved spending time with his wife, how she made things a lot more fun when they went out together. They traveled to various countries always with an adventure in mind that they always agreed upon.

                I sat and listened to all this with a large admiration for this young man. Not only was he good at his job, well travelled, funny and great looking, he was also an amazing husband and obviously gonna be a great father. So naturally I put him up on a pedestal in my mind and reflected on his type of relationship hoping that one day I will find a partner that will love me as much as he loves his wife. We became friends immediately, I loved hearing his stories of him and his wife, the romance, the devotion everything was perfect and most importantly I held great respect for him.

                Once his wife gave birth, the stories of his fatherhood became even more profound; he spent his nights awake with his child as his wife suffered a depression. He took care of his newly born son like no father I knew would. His wife was getting the baby blues and was not going out as often, she was not ready to have a child and they got pregnant by accident making it really hard on her to accept being so tied down and exhausted all the time. He supported her emotionally and physically. He loved her so much that he tried to figure out ways to ease her pain by bringing in to town a member of her family to take care of her in his absence while he was at work. I used Alex as a great example to all women who were married to horrible men, making them see how it is possible for a man to really care for the woman he loves.

                Months later Alex wanted me to meet his wife especially that he thought we would get along . Since I was always interested to meet this lovely woman and see the interactions between him and his wife through my eyes I accepted the invitation with open arms. I was excited to meet her and meet his son, so the day arrived for our long awaited lunch outing together. Lucky for me the lunch was gonna be in the promenade right under my house which consisted of a variety of restaurants and coffee shops. As we all got introduced to one another I focused all my attention on his wife Julie who cradled their son in her arms with such tender love. She had a pair of sunglasses on which she never removed making it harder for me to really see into her soul, and so I settled into watching her body movements to figure out if Alex was true in his care for his wife.

                She was interesting to talk to but I felt that there was a huge field of sad energy around her and I related it to the fact that she was still under the depression that came along with giving birth. Alex on the other hand was very hands on, he carried his son, fed him his milk and tenderly caressed his wife to make her feel loved and cherished. I made a mental note of all the things I saw that I liked for later reference to the list of things I desire in my future spouse. It was a lovely afternoon but I had to leave after two hours to meet up with a bunch of other friends that I had also planned to meet for a coffee further down the promenade. We bid farewell after exchanging phone numbers and I left feeling elated and content with what I saw iwth a slight sadness over her obvious depression.

After a few days of our encounter I tried to call Julie but she never picked up the phone, seeing that me and Alex worked in the same office space I went to his desk and asked him if his wife was ok. I related to him that I really liked her and that I wanted to call her up and see if we could meet up separately outside of him. He then confessed that she went to the states with their son to recuperate and get away from the depression she was facing at being a single mom with no help available for her. He confessed that he tried his utmost best and was sad that she had to leave but as long as this would make her happier in the long run he would be able to survive without her for the next few weeks. I felt nothing but sadness for him, he seemed to be disarrayed without them around. I was told Julie really liked me and was looking forward for us to do something together upon her return from the states. So in my world everything was fine, this was a typical love story between soul mates that allowed me to have a stronger belief in my soul mate quest.

To be continued……