Farm or City?

Our life experiences are based on our way of life. What we say and do come back to us in one way or another. If we believe in ourselves then everything we do is right, there is no fear, there is no worry, there is only self confidence in the choices we make. To hear your own voice is all that matters for no one else lives your life or has your wisdom.

Living on a farm or living in a city have a great distinction between them and show a slight resemblance of a congested mind and an intuitive mind. In a city there is noise pollution that scatters your thoughts and allows for nothing other than everyone else’s voice to overpower your own caring voice. In a city you are rushing from one place to the next getting your job done, errands run, obligations met and in all this people are chattering away giving advice where it is not needed, assuming they know best, and therefore diluting your own trust within yourself. Time becomes something you try to find yet discover that it’s meaning has been lost to you. What is expected of you has stopped you from doing what is expected from yourself to you. You glimpse a sight of what you want your life to look like and you feel that you can breath again. Yet a second later  a whirlwind of clatter over powers that desire and it is lost amongst the bustle and noise emanating from those around you who ridicule your thoughts and the sight of your own breath of fresh air.

In the Farm you are free to hear yourself contemplate and understand what is good or bad for you. There are only animals around that say nothing more than offer their love to you for the simple act of feeding them and caring for them. In return you are left to listen to your mind as it ventures into a world of its own where the decisions are based on your own internal voice that you have come to believe in and trust. You move with your instincts towards your fields of green in knowledge of when to water them and when to walk away. You hear the sound of your breathing and the whispers of the butterflies as they pass you by. In an ability to sit and think you realize what your dreams are and grow strong in your beliefs, for there is no one there who can contaminate those desires and the conviction of your thoughts.

I long to be a farm, where I am left to my own accord and rid myself of the fear of change or the fears that have been bestowed upon me by those who love me the most.

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The beauty of my Planet X

I was reading through all my previous articles and i realized i loved this one so much, that i had to re-post it again 🙂

Within the last three years my life took a detour unlike any I had ever encountered in the 32 years I had existed on this earth.

I had lived a life filled with love, hope and dreams of pink ponies and a prince on a white horse. I believed in all the beauties of the great possibilities of what the future may hold for me. My existence was based on love; love of others, love of life and most importantly the belief in everlasting love with my soul mate. I believed in every cell of my body that my soul mate was just a step away from me, I dreamt of it and at times I felt it. I dreamt of my happily ever after as I basked in the comforts of security and financial bliss provided to me on a silver platter by my parents.

Life was a pink bubble of dreams waiting to happen. I lived in my heart, I lived in my soul and I lived most of my time in my thoughts; a place my family used to call “Planet X”. I spent 80% of my time on planet X and I utterly relished every moment of it. On my private planet I had a beautiful home that was white in color in the rare areas in which something other than glass windows showed. It possessed a beautiful large dark wooden terrace that wrapped itself around three quarters of my glass home. My home over looked the most luscious green fields on one side and faced the wide ocean expanse on the other side.   A cobbled street lead up to my front door as it settled itself amongst an array of fruit trees providing a colorful design to the surrounding fields of green. Butterflies flew haphazardly on top of an abundance of wild flowers that continuously swayed with the soft chilled breeze that blew across the sea. There were Small colored shops filled with the smiles of potential buyers and the hopeful sellers. There were a small variety of restaurants that were embedded underneath the gushing flow of a tempress waterfall.  I had horses and ponies that knew me by my fragrance and raced towards me when I would enter their fields of freedom to welcome me into their world. I had peace, love, happiness and honesty amongst everyone that lived on planet X. Most importantly my Planet X gave me the ability to see my real world with peace, love, happiness and honesty.

For the last three years I have been trying to find Planet X, I try to sit on my own to conjure it back into my life; sadly I have realized that Planet X has left me, it spat me out of its heavenly comforts. It left me to fend for myself; with no more fruitless hope on the great possibilities of a dream like future to go back to.

I miss planet X, I miss my outlook on life and I miss having trust and belief in the good of others. Within the last three years I had married a man I believed to be my soul mate, no later than eight months I was demolished and divorced the cruelest man I had ever encountered in my whole life.  That was the first sign of the hazy disappearance of my Planet X, as it still remained a part of my life, but a lot less vivid, I believed that things will only get better after the biggest crush of my life. Sadly, I made another wrong choice as I was still trying to believe in the good in humanity. I chose to share an apartment with a woman who showed nothing but kindness and love for me, to discover a year and a half later that she was disclosing my pain to others and destroying my reputation using tactfully planned lies for no reason other than preserving her need to make her surrounding environment believe the lie of the person she really was. Once I had gotten back on my feet again trying to bring into my life my Planet X in hopes of reviving my bright hopes of the future again. To my dismay it took a few months to find my Planet X, and this time around I noticed how its previously vibrant colors were diminishing behind a grey colored smog. It was hard to acquire hope or muster up any positive outlook on humanity. During that period in my life, my only sanctuary was my work, I had a passion for it unlike anything else, and any possibility of ever leaving it was deleted by my abundance of loyalty I had for it. After pouring my heart and soul into my work and proving myself completely competent of all the tasks that were under my scope and out of my scope of work I was pleased to know that my company decided to hire a new member into our wonderful team. A few months down the line, the new member’s attitude started to slowly creep its way into my professional life, I was unable to comprehend what he was trying to do. He smiled with earnest in front of me as he praised my continuous ability to make things happen at work. To my dismay, as time elapsed, I found that most of the jobs that I was handling were nowhere to be seen, he was discarding of me, and hating my tremendous closeness to all the people I worked with and for. He took work away from me telling me it was taken care of while making others believe I was not competent enough to do the work. He never once confronted me with anything, his mode of communication with me consisted of nothing more than jokes, gossips and continuous praise. The work environment became competitive and it lost all the beauty of group work. I had to watch my back with my every move as I monitored his every move, suspecting all his underlying truths knowing they were all lies. I fought like a lioness protecting her cubs, not succumbing to a bully trying to demolish all the hard work I had slaved for in two years. He was tranquilized for a few months until his strength was built again, taunting me with the same methods in a much sneakier way this time around.

As I continued fighting my work battle I lost total faith in humanity and planet X had completely disappeared. I could not even access it anymore for I was unable to sit with myself for more than five minutes. A month after my first confrontation at work took place my parents got divorced and I lose sight of everything I ever held close to my heart. My sanctuary, my security and my home were gone. All what I believed to be real was erased from my being and there was nothing to hold onto anymore.  From a life of complete love, acceptance, support, humanity, respect, values, loves from great men, friends that were devoted to my friendship and an artistic business that I owned; came the forceful gush of the harsh doors of emotional and mental hell. Of course planet X disappeared from my existence as I had come to understand that I don’t believe in it anymore. My three year experiences showed me a side to humanity that I had never known existed before. Those devastating three years poured its black gunk all over my beautiful pink bubble, over powering all the beauty that lived within it.

Today as I am still battling the dark disappointments within me, I have missed Planet X with all the innocence it had provided me with. I want to go back to Planet X, I am working hard to seduce it back into my life, I am exhausted of disappointment, I am tired of sadness and I am open to all the upcoming experiences that I must face. I have come to terms with a few of my disappointments, knowing that today I am fully aware of what I DO NOT want in my life giving me more clarity to the things I truly cherish and want in my life.

I am able today to see my planet X, i actually can touch it every once in a while and it is a welcoming feeling that i have longed for. My planet X has found it’s way through all the mess and has started to cleanse my soul bit by bit and with every breath i take it filters me with hope and love and removes all the dirt and dust.

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Stick to “Like”

There are many conditions that have to take permanent residence when the word “Love” is to be used. To say the word “I love you” is the easiest thing to do when you’re dating someone or dreaming of a future life with that someone.

There are conditions to support the verbal confessions of Love that people tend to use at random. To look into some one’s eyes and say the words “I love you” is so easy  to do, especially if your dating that someone or in hope of continuing a long term relationship with that someone. Love contains more power and ground than a four letter word. Love needs to have the ability to defend the one you proclaim to love, the possibility of honest confessions of true intentions, the pertaining of pleasure in providing gratification to the one you love. These are all different categories that fall under and within the words “I love you”.

I have many friends who swoon once their boyfriends or husbands tell them “…But I love you” or “….i am doing all this cause I love you”……or “ It’s cause I love you”, they erase all the actions that prove otherwise and talk themselves into believing void words that have nothing of prominence to support what they are hearing.

I have a friend who won’t stop dating a guy that never prioritizes her.  He finds ways to constantly make her think that he loves her, yet he does things to avoid spending time with her. He uses the words “I love you” to keep her lingering on. He prefers spending his holidays away from her, in different countries, yet when confronted by her, he tells her “You could have just told me this upsets you….you know I love you”. Other times when she has time to spend with him on a trip, he somehow finds a way to leave two day earlier and when she confronts him with her pain he tells her “You know how much the gym means to me, I can’t skip it, I have to go back home to be in MY gym….but you know I love you”. There are even times where they may be hanging out in the same space but he leaves without telling her he is leaving, letting her be there on her own assuming he will join her after he is done with his workout. Yet again he reels her in with void words and examples of other loving times he had with her, always with the belief that “he loves her”. Yes, my friend is stuck in a world of lies and there is nothing to help her get out and no one that she will listen to, and all this cause she believes that he “Loves” her. What she doesn’t seem to understand is that love comes with a lot more things than just a four letter word. The word “Love” was not created to be used as a Band-Aid, every time a wound occurs you put the “Love” band-Aid on it and it goes away. In her situation she needs to watch what he does and close her ears to what he says to see the dark hole she is digging for herself clearly. She has lost all herself value in believing his words in hopes that they are the reality she lives in today. He has never confessed to her his true intentions in having her in his life, and she is willing to stick around for the day in which she may understand where all this love is heading to.

Another friend keeps getting promised to have a family vacation with her husband, and every time the opportunity arises that holiday trip seems to never fall into fruition. He loves her, he says but the one thing her heart has desired for the last six years of their marriage was to take a vacation with her husband alone and sadly he has found every way possible to never make it happen. He has no money to go on vacation, yet he has the money to spend on expensive watches and large sums of money on weekend outings. He has no time off work to take a vacation, yet he is able to find the time when a trip includes his friends. With all the excuses that he has given her, never to travel with her as a family alone, he has maintained the one sentence he is gifted at saying “I love you”. When she got the courage to break free and plan a trip with her girlfriends, knowing well that the time for her to travel with her husband alone will never come, he condemn her for taking a decision to travel alone as he continued to use “I love you and this is what you do?”. My girlfriends husband is unaware of the fact that his words are starting to mean nothing to her, there are no actions to support his confessions of undying love to her. He purchases gifts of his liking for his friends to see and yet what her heart desires the most is never given to her. Love is not only words, when you truly love someone you offer them what they want as it should provide a small internal pleasure in seeing the one you love fulfilled.

Another friend dated a man who never defended her when in the presence of others. He always took everyone else’s side and never hers. When his friends would start to make fun of her in front of him, he would conspire with them and make further remarks to entertain them on her behalf. When she would feel offended and refuse to see him again he would tell her “It was only joking around, you know how much I love you”. When his parents would complain about her dress code being too simple and not lavish enough he would go up to her in a rage making fun of her outfit and telling her she is not worthy of outings with him. She would whimper in crying fits as she would gasp and say “why would you say something so cruel to me” and he would naturally tell her “It’s cause I love you and want you to be the prettiest woman around”. At one point a dear friend of his sent him a hate message about my friend, telling him to watch out and she was not worthy of him, when in reality his friend had a previous feud with my friend therefore trying to make her life a living hell. When the boyfriend knew he went along with what his friend said and instead of defending his woman, he continued befriending that friend with such love and intimacy. When she finally found out a month later she rushed at him with anger and harsh words only to hear him tell her “I didn’t want to tell you cause I love you.” How little do people care about the word “Love”? In this situation my friend was not loved at all, for if it were love then he would have defended her with all his might. He would have stopped his friend from bad mouthing her and cut all relations with him. Love defends the ones they love cause there is no one else worthy to them more than the lover they have at the time. If you can’t defend the ones you love, then you have no love to offer other than the love of pleasing others in hopes to fit in.

Before confessing Love to your partner, make sure you know all the factors that come with that word. Make sure you are up to carrying the weight of love, and if you’re not, then keep it at “like” and give “Love” a break from the wrong that has been done to it. It has turned into a manipulation strategy and lost the glory of its “grander than life” formula.

Assess the actions, for at the end words hold no meaning if they have nothing to fall back on to prove their worthiness.

Bizzar advice

In 1997 upon my arrival to start living in cairo,I was deprived of any sort of possibilities of any type of classes I was used to having when I lived in Montreal. So when I heard of a yoga instructor that had just started giving classes in Cairo I was the first one of five people attending the class. He was a British guy that had just left his home town with his wife and one year old child to start a life in Cairo. His Yoga space was a room in his apartment and surprisingly three other people; outside of me and one of my best friends, decided to attend. It was lovely, I felt alive and rejuvenated, and the excitement made me vow to myself that I will never miss a yoga class with Charlie.

As I drove home that day, blasting the music in the car, feeling on top of the world I decided to tell my brother about Charlie, knowing how my brother is like, I was sure he would also love to attend these classes.

That night, as I sat in the tv room bummed out on the couch, my brother walked in, stood at the door and started to watch tv with me silently. I jump of the couch as I rememberd the yoga class, i mute the tv and start telling him about the amazing fact of finding a yoga class in Cairo. I told him about Charlie and his family, and I explained how wonderful this whole thing was for me. Not surprisingly my brother decided to join me the next time I go. I was thrilled and I felt that things were starting to pick up in Cairo, maybe life could be normal to a certain degree.

Two days later me, my friend and my brother walk into Charlie’s apartment all dressed up and ready to yogi. I introduce my brother to Charlie, they shake hands, talk for a bit, laugh and then we all head off into his yogi room. To my surprise there are five more people there making the room extremely tight and unbearably stifled, yet I am still 100% determined never to miss a class.

As any normal yoga instructor, Charlie goes around the room and makes sure that everyone has the right posture and stance. He makes sure to position you right as you breath correctly while he rests his hands on your stomach to feel if you’re in rhythm with his instructions. Other times he would pass by the whole class putting his hand on their behinds to make sure that they are crunching their butts correctly as they move up and down in the table position. After an hour of excessive sweat and horrible stench we all stretch out on our mats and start doing a breathing exercise to end the session.

We all get off the mats, smile at one another and everyone starts heading for the door. I look for my brother to hurry him up and I find him standing with Charlie talking; so naturaly I move towards them. To my utmost horror, as I get closer to the conversation talking place between him and my brother, I hear my brother telling Charlie “Look Charlie, some advice you need to know. You’re not in England any more, you’re in Cairo and here you are not allowed to touch women” as I get closer and my smile starts to slowly part away from my face I hear him say “…so if you want to help my sister with her posture I suggest you use a stick and not your hands” he says this with a bright smile and full force of need to help Charlie out in an Arabic country. Little did my brother know that we lived in an open culture and no one was going to arrest Charlie for indecent touching. Little did Charlie know that my brother didn’t know any better making Charlie sweat in panic.

I stood there dumbstruck, I looked at Charlie and then I looked at my brother….i gave a faint smile of apology and extended my hand to shake his; in hopes that he does not think we are a demented culture. He just glared at me then at my extended hand as he slowly gave me a respectful smile and then moved his face to eye my brother in hopes that he passed some secret test.

Needless to say, I had never gone again to that yoga class in fear that he will hit me with a stick instead of using his hands to fix my posture.

The age of 31

“I used to see the flaw in every diamond. Now stones astound me with their perfection.” written by nothingprofound Click on Icon “Lovely Aphorisms..”

The best year of my life was when I turned thirty one. That was the year in which I lost most of my ability to care about what others thought of me or who I was supposed to be. Sitting amongst my friends in a coffee shop, I rested my back on the uncomfortable wooden chair as I placed my hands on my thighs and watched my friends scolding one of the residents of the table regarding her approach towards religion. Although the friend that was being scolded lived a pretty good life with pretty normal expectations she was still not being given a chance to do with her life as she wished to do. In addition she was not to pursue her religion the way she felt she wanted to. It seemed that others expectations of her were greater and very different than what her expectations of herself were.

As I sat there watching the constant criticism that was being bestowed upon her by the dearest people in her life, I came to a realization about myself; I lost my ability to care about what anyone really thinks about my way of life. Who was anyone to tell me how I should feel or think? Who gave anyone the right to tell me how I should handle a certain situation while criticizing the way I had already handled it? Knowing very well that I can’t turn back time and mend it the way they would like me to mend it.

As the days started to pass by, and I was become more and more integrated into the new awareness my whole demeanor started to change. I walked into places with less concern about who was looking and what people were thinking of me. My dress code became fully convenient of my mood rather than having it be for the entertainment of receiving the desired complement. My body felt comfortable to me, I started to feel at ease within my own skin. I looked at myself in the mirror differently, I saw a lovely person, filled with charisma and beauty that I had never really seen before. I came to accept who I am and stopped fighting my core self. I was coming to terms with the fact that; who I have always been will always be who I am.  No matter how much I spent trying to change myself to what each person perceived would be better for me, I was still who I was, my inner self was still the way it always was.

The greatest thing that dawned on me at thirty one was that no matter what my family expected of me or my friends assumed I should do, they still had complaints. Nothing ever satisfied anyone, there was always a fault to be mended and once it was mended then there arouse another fault out of the previously mended fault. In constantly wanting to fix myself according to what others expectations of me where, I lost touch with what I really wanted out of my life and my personality.

People are never happy with anything, there is always a criticism coming one way or another. If you do something great, people will find a fault in it, praising themselves in the process as they express how they could have done it better and how you should have done it their way. What dawned on me at the late age of thirty one was that no matter how I chose to do things there will always be someone, somewhere ready to criticize it. If I wore the red dress I was told to wear to the party, there will be people there that will criticize my choice of color voicing that I look better in green and I should have worn green. If I wear the green to the next party then there will be those who will put down the green and say that I should stick to blues.

There is no pleasing everyone, there is no pleasing anyone, there is only pleasing yourself and caring only for what you think is best for you. Whatever pace you want to pursue your religion in, is yours to judge. Whatever you want to make of your life, it is yours to make. Whomever you want to talk to is yours to decide upon. However you want to act is upon your own judgment of yourself. Most importantly; whatever your vales are, will always be your values to keep and abide by.

People will always criticize people, even if the person is an angel sent from the heavens above with no flaws; a flaw will be found. So love who you have become, accept yourself with all your faults and all your greatness, for there is no one worthy of pleasing but yourself.


Dream Killers

It is always a wonder how people have a tendency not to listen to what others are saying. Everyone is busy in their own heads, wanting to make their point, disregarding the words and body signs that the person they are talking to are displaying to them with all clarity.

Last night I decided to maintain my chilled out day and so decided to go with a friend to this cute little place called “Jazz Bar”. The atmosphere was very simple therefore attracting very simple people to it, making it easy to talk and singing along with the entertainer of the nigh; a man on a piano. As we sat there on the bar chitchatting for a while, I got a few black berry messages that I had to respond to, leaving the conversation I was in and focusing on my phone conversation. What happened then was interesting, my friend carried out a conversation with two men at the bar, discussing the night life of Dubai and the ups and downs of work opportunities. When I returned to the conversation that was now taking place with my friend and two strangers, I realized that I had missed out a lot on what was going on and so I made sure to focus and dive into the topics that were taking place. One of the two strangers started to focus his conversation in my direction as he started to tell me all about his way of life. His name was Marco, he was from Italy, and he was living the life that most of us would love to live if we had the means to live it.

Marco went into a grand explanation about his well thought of plans for his life, the philosophies he had come up with in life, making him able to live the way he lived today. He was in the F&B industry, he didn’t believe in becoming a CEO one day, he didn’t want to run with the heard and loose the flavor of life. Marco would work for a year in the Emirates, make a bundle of money, then take a year off to go back home to Italy and spend his money on his family, loved ones and himself. After his money would deplete and his free living existence would come to an end, he would return to the emirates to work for another year and so on. I listened carefully to every word he was saying, I was watching all his moves and how his body was in motion with the same excitement and pride that his words were portraying. Marco was thrilled with his philosophies in life, and better yet, he was not only a talker, he was actually a doer, he was living the life he was philosophizing about. At this point my friend started to focus in on the conversation that was going on between me and Marco, and it became a three person conversation. What happened then was very interesting, my friend decided to give Marco his advice on life, advice about Marco’s life. The advice first came out with a question “So Marco, how old are you?” and Marco responded “old, I am 30” to which Marco smiled assuming that me and my friend were of the same age group, awaiting our approval on the fact that 30 is old. To his dismay, my friend decided to tell him “oh that is young, your still so young and that is why you are thinking the way you are thinking”. With the uncalled for advice that started to pour out of my friend, came the slow depletion of Marco’s enigmatic energy. My friend made sure to touch up on all the fears that all humans have when it comes to living outside of the box, making Marco’s new resolutions childish and not well thought of. He fed his fears of the future, telling him that he has to be responsible that life is not that simple that one day he will look back and hope he did it differently. He made sure to tell him that at 30 he used to think the same way, but then life showed him differently. To my utmost surprise, Marco started to agree as his eyes started to widen in horror to the reality he was trying so hard to fight against.

In the process of my friend giving the uncalled for advice, Marco’s fears came to surface, making it obvious to me that he was still coming to terms with accepting his way of life, still looking for approval from others for it. Marco then tried to explain that he has a house in Florence, that he purchased and it will be his cushion if ever needed. To my utmost dismay I realized that my friend was not listening to Marco at all, my friend was too busy in his head, listening to his own internal words, negating and neglecting the fact that Marco was actually living the life he tried so hard to live. My friend put the foundation of fear all over Marco’s new map of life, Marco on the other hand was trying meekly to defend his way of life, but listening attentively to my friends demolition of it. With every philosophy that Marco would throw in my friend’s direction for approval, my friend would shake his head, and make sure to tell him that he lived that life at 30 but today that didn’t work for him. What my friend did not realize was that Marco believed that my friend had lived that life, when in reality my friend never lived it, he only dreamt of living it. Marco was living the life my friend wanted to live, yet my friend decided to take it away from him, never really listening to what Marco has been going through, never paying attention that Marco is NOT dreaming of living it, but is actually living it.

Marco left, looking devastated, agreeing fully with my friend’s outlook on life, while the whole time hoping that in one of his many come backs my friend would approve of his life style.

People are too busy wanting to through their advice around. No one is able to actually hold themselves back and really pay attention to what the others are saying. If my friend really heard Marco properly, he would have actually congratulated him on his choice of living, giving him the approval he obviously was still seeking from others. What my friend didn’t realize was that Marco WAS living his words, they were not empty dreams, they were his reality, and obviously his reality was challenged ever day by the humans living the rat race.

It is vital to really pay attention to what others are telling you, really listen to them and feel what they are feeling. Look at the way their eyes when they talk; is there a sparkle in it? Are they sad? Do they look like they have found a long awaited answer to their quest? Leave you’re head alone, stop your pompous reason to provide advice when it is not needed, and listen attentively to what is being said to you. There could be a lesson you could learn, there could be something new you can add to your life. There is always beauty in listening to others. When a person wants advice, they ask for it, when a person is communicating then they need an attentive ear. It is more challenging to know how to ask the right questions than to throw in your own tainted advice of their life.

Learn to keep asking the right questions, challenge the person with their own words and their own insights, do not force your opinion on them. If there is something that needs to be said, then say it carefully by first assessing the entire person in front of you. Look at their body language, listen to their tone of voice, pay attention to what they are saying and look into their eyes. To contribute to someone’s obvious fears of life, is making another person stop their dreams from happening, to throw our own fear out there on someone else’s account is unfair to that person. Stop your own mind from working; get rid of your ego for some time. It is not your ego that needs to be rubbed at that time; it’s the other person’s conversation that needs to be heard, why else would they be sharing this information about themselves if not their desire to be heard and accepted?

 

Reason, Season, Lifetime

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is this e-mail that i keep getting every few years that contains the following statement ” People are either in your life for a reason, season or a lifetime”. Whenever it would pop up in my life, i would ponder what new person has entered my life? and is that person in it for a reason a season or a lifetime?

Men and Women have come and gone in my life, each either serving a purpose for my higher good or there are those who are integrated so deeply in my life that they are bound to be in it for a lifetime. I take a deep look at the ones that have lasted years with me, the ones who through the think and thin have been there with me as i have been there with them not a thought of a single degrading attitude. These are the ones to keep in your life forever, they are the ones that no matter who you are and whatever state you are in, will always be there and cherish your core self regardless of the state of mind you are in for whatever reason you may be going through.

Yet, there are those who come in with a higher purpose, the ones who pop out of nowhere and disappear out of nowhere. These are the ones that make me ponder about the glory of life and its intricate details and helpful hand. I have come to notice that these people enter when you least expect it, when you are in a state of mind where you are in need of more than just yourself and your mind. These people may have always been around you yet you have not noticed them yet cause it was not the right time yet for them to fully integrate themselves in your life. Its like when buying a book, sometimes you buy the book and it stays on your shelf for days, weeks or Years before some nagging feeling starts to pull you towards the book and you devour it as you keep asking yourself “how come i never read it when i first bought it?”. This is when you are sure that there is something that you need to learn or acquire from that book or that person, and surely enough you finish the book with an insight you have been looking for or a word from the person that has been something you needed to hear. You may be thinking of moving countries, you might want to move to Spain for example and your thoughts are focused on that for months or even just weeks, then out of no where you meet a person or a few people who actually live there. They enter into your life to offer you insights about what you have been questioning. Then one day they Pooffff away like smoke having already given you what you needed at the time to realize if the move you are contemplating is something you want to do or not. It could also be as simple as needing to believe in yourself again in a certain aspect of your life. After my MJ experience (Happily Ever After story) i had lost all parts of me, it was somewhere i was unable to reach or see, i had a bunch of insecurities about myself and the most one was the ability to talk and laugh the way i want to having a person actually enjoy that part of me again. A person entered my life for 3 weeks, and in those 3 weeks i laughed and joked for the three years that i had lost that ability and confidence in doing. We understood one another’s jokes with no effort, i would say something and he would understand it so easily and effortlessly as he would joke right back with the same understanding. We were of the same past life, my Montreal life, which made it easy for my way of thinking to be understood and appreciated. With MJ i was condemned for not knowing how to joke properly, condemned for not knowing what to say at the right time, made fun of “do you think your funny” when i would find humor in something. Then this person entered my life to allow me again to believe in who i am, to know that i still possess a core part of myself that had been lost to the cruelty of words. There was nothing else in common, there was nothing deeper than that, there was only humour which allowed for a new perspective in my life that i desperately needed at the time.

There are other times when there is a person or people who enter for a season, allowing you a good few months to enter into their world as they enter into yours. These people are the ones where the contemplation of a Season or a lifetime start to race in your mind. These people have only a certain percentage of what it is that is needed for a certain amount of time, they are not compatible with you on all the levels as your “forever” list of people who you have, but have a large percentage of one of your core beings that need some flourishing and growth. A person is made up of several different aspects, several different hobbies, likes and dislikes, values and ethics, wrongs and rights or simply the same long-term goal in life. There are times when your inner self is seeking to fill one major aspect in your life that has been emptied out or neglected for a time being, allowing that “season” person to make an entrance with welcoming hands. You may have been so inundated in self growth, work or family issues that your fun self (the fun that you like to do) is depleted therefore making you off-balance. That is when you realize that you have met a person or people who enjoy the same concept of fun that you have, filling up your empty tank providing you fully with that self you have had no time to water anymore. Lets say you love to dance, yet the possibilities of that happening are rare cause of the life style you are leading, but your unknown reason for your slight aggression allows you to open up to this new friend that actually enjoys dancing too. You go out, you meet new people with the same specific interest as you start to feel refreshed again, you blossom with the intensity of fulfilling a part of you that has been waiting for you to pay attention to. Other situations could be with anything else that is a core being of who you are that you have neglected, be it religion, self-help, painting, human psychology or even as simple as your true love of watching movies cause it fulfills a part of you that needs to be constantly fulfilled. The point being that these people have a tendency to come in for a while, providing you with an essential part of who you are through the activity that can offer you that essential part.

The big trick in this is that there is always the possibility of having the “Season” person turn out to be a “Lifetime” person. As it just so happens there are other core doors that are being fulfilled, there are other aspect of this new person that keep popping up (all in due time) that you find slow comfort in. It may all start with feeling that this person is there to offer you the dancing that you have been craving, then out of no where there is a need for something else and you look around and find that the “dancing person” has also become the “self-help” part of you. Then the poetry you have always written or the type of books you have always been interested in seem to go hand in hand with the same person who has been your “dancing and self-help person”. The doors may keep opening allowing the core of both these people to become in harmony with one another, discovering new insights and learnings, the possibilities become endless. Or the door ends there with a few of your vital being, as other doors of your difference start to pop open. In either case, i have come to believe, that it is not everyday that you meet someone who can have more than one of your core self and beliefs. I have come to understand and appreciate the beauty of communication at a higher level of understanding. There are people out there who may have an abundance of possibilities with, who help you better yourself as you help then do the same. A positive growth begins to happen, a word, a gesture, a common ground, a common thought that allows a balance between the two. And maybe they are only there for a season or maybe they are there for a lifetime, at the end it doesn’t really matter cause they are there and they are complementing what and who you are at this moment in time, that is all that really matters. I call this type of person a “Suki” and in that person the doors open gently to a better understanding of life with comfort, harmony and ease that is the breath of fresh air that has been a whisper of joy upon to my aching heart.