When does it become unacceptable?

Anger boils over inside of me as Jack asked “Well did he hit you?”

“No” Emily says, surprised that he would even ask that question. Was all what she was saying not enough to walk out on her current relationship? My face was starting to hurt from the frown that had over taken my face for the past half hour, listening to Emily re-tell her story with her husband to Jack as tears rolled down her face. I couldn’t understand why Jack was even asking if her husband was hitting her? What relevance did that have to do with the pain Emily has been suffering for years with this man?

I asked him point blank “What relevance does this have? Is it not enough that He is constantly swearing at her, slamming doors all over the house, being completely impolite to any member of her family or any of her friends that enter her house, he doesn’t give her money to be able to support the house hold requirements and her baby girls requirements yet spends a ton on his friends and his entertainment, he is out partying every single night without her, he doesn’t allow her to go to bars or clubs at night without him even though he does constantly, he has caused his little girl to wake up screaming at night fearing that her father would kill her mother, he sits and does nothing in the house except talk on the phone to his buddies laughing or flipping through tv channels as she keeps running around the house fixing things, he uses his kids for his social outings to be accepted in society, he doesn’t allow her to work so she doesn’t attract the attention of the opposite sex” I take a deep breath in, calm myself down and asked calmly “So answer this Jack, what does it matter, to you, if he hits her or not?” Jack looked at me surprised as though I was asking him a question about giving birth and how he felt during it. I repeated my question to him more aggressively and he finally responded saying “Well since he does not hit her, then they can work things out. hitting her would be unacceptable in every way possible.”

Shocked out of my wits I didn’t know how to answer him back, all that rummaged through my mind was the fact that if a woman ever dared do all that to her husband she would be banished by everyone including her family, they would tell her that it is up to her to make this marriage work. Any man who went to complain about the same things would have given the green light for every human being (male or female) to reprimand the woman until she breaks down in humiliation for her actions. Yet when a woman complains about being mistreated on a daily basis the world tends to stand by his side and ask the woman to accept it as long as she is not being physically abused. She is supposed to take in his infidelity, his rudeness, his verbal condemning ways, his absence physically and financially and only be able to make a valid stand if he went out of his way and hit her.

Strange how this type of injustice is not accepted upon animals and yet upon women it is considered bad, yet not unjust. A woman is put in a position today to accept all that is done to her by a man because he has not physically abused her YET. A woman is expected to be the brains in the family, the glue that holds everything together regardless of what her mental state has become because of all the degrading ways she has been treated.  A woman has to turn a blind eye to her husband having affairs hoping that he will one day come to his senses, but when that day never comes she has to confront him and in return the society gives the excuse of him being a “Man” and men need more than one woman. She is then asked yet again to accept it and be a better wife to her husband cause she was probably the reason he went to another woman for sex. If a woman cheats on her husband she is thrown to the gutters, her kids are taken away from her, her marriage is over, her is shunned out from society with not a single word mentioned that it could have possibly been the husbands fault.

What really gets to me is this, after my talk with Emily and Jack, I found Emily agreeing with Jack, seeing his point of view, assessing the situation and wronging herself the whole time. She provoked his anger, she allowed him to neglect her and stop spending money on her and the family, it was her fault she was too busy taking care of the house and her child and her new pregnancy, of course he would go mad and naturally she thanked God that he never hit her “He is a good man that he never hit me. I would have left for sure.”

And in that ended the whole pain she had been suffering for years with her husband. I later on found out that all her girlfriends gave her a similar advice and sad as it was, women accept this upon themselves. Women will tell women to stick around in a horrible relationship, with a cheating man, with a stingy guy, with a man who has temper management issues and tell the woman it is all in her hands to make this work.

When have we ever become the weaker sex? We are able to give birth, take care of a house, go to work, socialize with the world and sleep for a maximum of six hours a night and still have the ability to do everything and more than any man could even dream of. What happened to reprimanding a man for his misconduct and behavior, who said it was ok? Who said that we were born, as women, to live this way? How come every man gets away with murder and women can’t get away with an extra hour of sleep if needed?

Women know how to build fear in other women, making them accept the unacceptable. Telling them horror stories of what life would look like if she did leave her husband “You will not be able to support yourself, you have not worked for years.” Or “What about the kids? They need a father figure” or “Live with it till your kids are old enough then leave”or “ Who will every marry a woman with children? It is too much baggage. So it is best to stay with the man who helped in procreating them.”

What women don’t understand is this “If women stood up and supported one another and did not accept to be treated in such a disturbing disregard to their humanity then men will have no choice but to stop.” As long as the world accommodates such actions and only the visual physical abuse is the allowed reason to leave a man, women will always be where they are today, and they will keep procreating more men that abuse their women, cause women don’t know how to stand up for their human rights.

If every woman keeps accepting this as a way of life, and if women will always advise women to be the abused member of the family then things will never change and women will always be spat on. Her kids will also treat her with disrespect the way their father had, and they will repeat the same pattern onto their wives in the future and every woman will again tell that woman in pain “It is ok, it is all in your hands, you’re the smarter one. Men are like children let him do his thing, and you stay the good wife, he will come around. As long as he didn’t hit you then you can fix it.”

Emilie’s story is one of the many stories I have came across in all these years of watching and listening to couples. With such sadness I have to say that I might have met one in every 30 marriages where there is a balanced relationship between man and woman. What women don’t understand is this: they are telling their daughters that it is ok to be treated this way and they are telling their sons it is ok to treat a woman this way. They think they are making life better for their children when in reality they are allowing the same patterns to continue to evolve and have no regard to how their daughters will be treated in the future or how their sons will treat women.

Trust in Alex – Part 4

Life continues in the same way it always had, work, home, an outing and home again. In between all of that I took a break from meeting men or even dating anyone, I had no will power to sit and decode what a man was all about and was not ready to face the disappointments I was sure I was bound to find.

A few months after my revelation and some random polite coffee drinks with Alex at work, I resolved to forgetting all I heard from Alex that dreadful day and move on with life. We start to talk as friends again but this time around I had no misconception of who he really was and his complaints about his wife were starting to show more than before. I listened to him when he needed to talk but I had zero sympathy inside me towards him, I just listened and would throw a comment here and there which I think he chose to ignore. I started to stare at all men in a different way, expecting each and every one of them to be a cheating bastard too. My friends noticed my aggression towards men in those few months and resolved to talking to me about it, I told them the story and in return they told me that not all men are like that. Since I wanted and needed hope in believing in men again I chose to believe them therefore making it easier for me to be-friend guys again without the skepticism I had grown accustomed to.

In the mean time when Alex would join me for a cup of coffee at work we kept the conversations light hearted, all jokes and laughter and in time I lost my anger towards him but not my disappointment in him. Then one day as we were sucking the living lights out of our cigarettes he tell me “Did you know that my wife was very skeptical of you and was wondering who you were? That is why I made us all meet for coffee I wanted her to see that you were really only a friend and there was no threat.” I looked at him then and I took another long drag from my cigarette, puffed it out and said “So why didn’t you tell me that before? I would hate for any woman to feel threatened by me over her man, I would have put in a larger effort to continue calling her and comforting her.” I was agitated by what I just heard and it showed on my tone of voice.

“I didn’t want you to feel strange, my wife is a jealous person, that is all.” He said casually making it seem like its not a big deal. So I asked “You told me that she trusts you and that she knows you have a ton of girlfriends and she liked me.” I paused then continued “So did she know I went out for lunch with you and your secret sex buddy that day? Or did she not know?” I was starting to get worried, I didn’t want to be a part of any of his lies and if that were the case I would make sure never to talk to him again, this was definitely not a place I ever wanted to put myself in.

“She didn’t know about Sue, but she knew you were joining us on our outing, but to be honest she was not to happy with it and she started to ask me questions about our relationship with one another. Don’t worry I told her we were friends at work and you wanted to meet new people, and she was fine with it after that.”

Oh God the whole time I had that gut feeling telling me not to go was right all along, I shouldn’t have and I knew better than to go. I could not believe that she felt threatened by me in any way and actually questioned why I was going out with her husband. This was getting ugly in my head, but I was the one to blame, I actually went out to that lunch and ever since then I was unable to call Julie knowing that I know a secret about her husband that she didn’t know would have been murder to deal with. I swore to never go out with her husband unless she was around or I had a boyfriend that I would tag along, not that I ever really wanted to go out again with her husband and his friends. I not one to observe cheaters and maintain staying in the same vicinity as them.

So at that point I knew a secret I could not tell and I was never gonna be able to site with Julie knowing what her marriage state was really like. So I never called her again or even tried, I stayed away in fear of what I would say in her presence that would destroy her imaginary lovely marriage. The days continued and life went on, Alex was not constantly over at our site office but other friends were there and so my mind would enjoy the different topics I would hold with other people away from the trauma I had experienced with Alex’s choice of life style.

Eleven months passed since the first time I ever met Alex and I had not gone out with him or his friends ever again since my last experience. But we had a good friendship at work and he truly was a very funny person to hang out with. Until one day he asked me how my love life was like and I told him that there was nothing to it, a few dates here and there but nothing more than a few drinks and dinner and then I would lose interest through utmost bordom with the guy. I confessed to him that after I knew his story and his ways with his wife it was very hard to trust a man ever again. In the same breath I explained to him my soul mate theory and told him that I truly believe there is this one perfect man out there for me who will be my right fit and with full assurance told him that he would never cheat on me. We would be friends and partners, we would be able to talk about everything and anything, that there would be romance on beaches and loyalty towards one another without a doubt in out minds or hearts. I explained all the dreams i held on to the romantic images i believed in and most of all i persisted on mentioning loyalty as a fact that i could not live without. Lo and behold, that last straw of hope I ever had came crashing down upon me like a sledge hammer banging its self upon my head until I was left with nothing but a few strands of hair left on my bleeding skull as Alex started to talk.

I wish I had never answered his question that God forsaken day, I wish I just ignored it and said the typical response “I am not ready for a relationship. Men suck” it would have been simpler and would have ended that whole entire subject. Obviously I have not mastered the ability to turn back time and therefore I was stuck in the here and now and the mistake of actually answering that question using my honest opinion.

Alex sat across from me with his arms folded and his ankles crossed as he so effortlessly said “There is no such thing as a man who doesn’t cheat” my mind begged me to ignore his comment but my uncontrolled love of questioning things took over and my tongue formed the words “What is wrong with you? Of course there is, I have seen it so many times and I have so many friends married to wonderful men who would never cheat on their wives.”  I fixed up my slouched position as I went into attack mode “If you’re a cheater that does not mean that all men cheat, it is not about following your dick everywhere you go, there are repercussions for that type of behavior you know. Karma is a bitch, one day you will find out your wife is cheating on you or your future daughter is being cheated on. How would that make you feel?” in one breath I continued to say “So not all men cheat, there are men who fear karma.” I lean my back on the chair again feeling fulfilled with my response expecting it to end there.

Naturally it didn’t, and I should have know better than to argue with Alex about something he finds utterly normal. He argued his point with a soft spoken attitude, still maintaining his body posture showing no signs of anger or irritability. “You know, your right, there are only 0.1% of men who don’t cheat and they are the men who are grateful that they had just one woman accept to marry them or come near them. So if you want a man to be loyal I suggest you go for the losers who have never been able to score with a single women their whole lives, and they will never be able to score with a woman other than their wives.” I brushed him off with a stroke of my hand in the air recognizing the discreet complement he was giving himself and kept my mouth shut. I stared off into the  distant  and thought to myself “Well, I want a loser then.”

In noticing that I had started to lose interest in his theoretical facts Alex unfolded his arms, pushed himself further up on his chair, leaned his back forward, rested his arms on his thighs and began his determination in bursting my well fabricated soul-mate bubble.

“So you believe that all your friends husbands have been faithful or will never cheat on them?” He asks, I nod my head in agreement with a fact I believe in. At this point I am sitting with my arms crossed over my chest, my legs stretched out in front of me as they leaned on one another at the ankles. Obviously uninterested in what he had to say I avoided giving the conversation any more of my time. Alex would simply not give up “So how are you sure they never cheated? Are you with them every minute of the day?” he asks me, provoking an answer from me and I simply tell him not all men possess animal instincts and it seems that I have more faith in humanity of males than he does. “Aha….well that is human, men have urges they can’t control, sex and love are two different things all together. Each one holds no association to the other. But believe me when I tell you that there is not a single man in the world who is not cheating on his wife. Especially the religious ones who have brainwashed people to believe it is a sin. In specific the Muslims they cheat all the time, but they have called it marriage today allowing for a maximum of four wives per-person making it legal and acceptable.” Upon hearing him out and noticing how smug he was getting I maintained my calm and told him it is obvious he is surrounded by idiots who think screwing around makes them manly men and he has found ways to make his excursions seem a daily norm. Now Alex is lifting an eyebrow at me and doing his little side ways smile allowing for cute dimples to show their way through his words “Remember the guy that was with me the day you met sue with me for lunch?” I nod take a side glance at him and resort back to staring at nothing. “Well he is married and loves his wife to death, but he cheats on her, or actually was excited that night to go out knowing his wife is not around to meet women. Why would he want to meet women if not to get that manly man feeling he needs as all men need. Do you think he will not cheat? He is so excited to be in Dubai where the women are so easy to have a one night stand with the last thing on his mind is NOT to cheat.” Feeling like he made his point loud and clear Alex leaned back on his chair, I maintained my aloofness while burning inside to punch the hell out of him for making all men seem like horny dogs.

Alex continued his path of destruction knowing that it was starting to get to me and his stories started to pour out the minute I decided to say “ Well with my man that wont happen, we will be with one another most of the time and if not then we are both at work, when will he ever find the time to sleep with someone else?”

Mistake…mistake….mistake…MISTAKE. Why did I not keep my mouth shut oh GOD WHY?

To be continued…….

Trust in Alex-Part 3

Part 3

Alex took a deep breath as he rapidly said to me in Arabic “Oh the ring….well…..the thing is that it is a very hot day today and so I didn’t want to wear too much so I decided to take the ring off….cause it is a hot day….it is hot and I didn’t want to wear too many things” I stared at him for a few seconds  as he tried to remove his eyes away from mine and started to fiddle with his shirt buttons. I questioned him in Arabic saying “How bizarre…… I have never heard of someone getting so hot that they keep all their cloths on and take off a tiny little ring therefore relieving them of the heat?” I sarcastically continued to say in English this time to make it a point to all those sitting with us “it would have made more sense to take off your shirt, maybe put on shorter shorts or even shave off your hair”  and then turning around to lanky guy i continue to say “but never the ring” I laughed at my own joke as I turned around to talk to the woman sitting to my left. That conversation didn’t go on for too long she seemed extremely uncomfortable with the way me and Alex were discussing things in Arabic making her feel completely excluded and more so upon hearing the english sentence i so clearly stated about his ring.

The discomfort I was feeling deep in my gut was starting to irritate me and i wanted to leave, i didn’t know what was bothering me until I understood that the reason I was feeling so uncomfortable was the fact that the Woman on my left was pulsating energies of extreme possessiveness over Alex. Every time I would talk to him she would clench her fist and her body would move closer to Alex as though I was trying to steal him away from her. Another strange thing was that Alex was extremely nervous around her trying his best to make her feel comfortable and included. I started to get a nagging inkling that there was something very off about the woman to my right and that feeling included Alex. So my natural reaction was to remind myself that I was not invading her territory knowing very well that the only women who deserves to be territorial was no other than Julie, Alex’s wife. In wanting to make a loud and clear point to this woman I started to talk about Julia excessively trying to throw a reminder to the strange woman on my right that she is NOT his wife and she better start acting in that respect. As we were all about to leave, Alex asked me to join them for a swim at the beach and I gladly refused with every ounce of my being. I bid them all farewell as I made sure to point at Alex’s hand and tell him loud and clear to put his ring back on and resort to removing his shirt as an alternative method of cooling himself off next time.

That first Sunday morning, right after the weekend Alex came to visit me on site. I had debated the entire weekend if I should call him to give him a piece of my mind or not, I resorted to not calling for the sake that it was none of my business as I was nowhere within that premises of deciet. I was still unsure of what all that was about, what the women was and who she was and why Alex removed his ring when he was around her. Was she someone who had a crush on him and he didn’t want to hurt her feelings? Was she an ex girlfriend who hated his wife? I didn’t want to know and I didn’t care to know so I didn’t call. But when he showed up all happy and bubbly at my site office for a cup of coffee and a chat I had no way of holding back what I needed to ask. I allowed him his five minutes of fun talk and then I asked him as casually as i possibly could “So Alex, who was that woman friend of yours with her buttons about to pop open and her possessive attitude towards you? The woman nearly stabbed me to death every time i spoke to you?” he simply looked at me with the same smile he carried with him throughout his earlier conversation and said “Who are you talking about Rain, are you talking about Sue?” playing stupid he continued with “Ah yeah.……..i think you mean Sue!” he added a slight giggle to the end of that question and continued to say “Sue is my friend, actually my best friend for years and years. She must have acted that way probably cause she was in a bad mood or something” I stayed silent expecting for more information but when non came i went on and said “Look Alex, no woman acts this possessive over JUST a friend. She was about to hammer my head in every time I would speak to you. And with all honesty even your wife was not that freaked out from me when I saw her. Sue’s dress was made to sex up a man and obviously the man she wanted to sex up was you. So tell me the truth who is she?” and before allowing him to start answering me back i blurted out in contained anger “And what the hell happened with the whole ring thing? I see your not feeling so hot today and your ring is back on!!!! What was that all about?” furious with myself for getting this angry and even more furious that he was not telling me the truth making me feel like a total idiot.

The reason I was this furious is because Alex destroyed all the glamorous hope of a good man ever existing, he crushed it to pieces and I was hoping with every cell in my body that I what I was about to hear would revive all that hope again. I kept looking at him with nothing more than hope in my eyes and a challenging look in which I was begging him silently to prove my thoughts wrong. I continued to bagger him with a “hmmmmmm….come on….. tell me….” And more persistently asking “just be honest…who is this Sue?” A glow over takes his face and he lifts up his head and stares at me long and hard then with complete contempt on his face he says to me “ Sue is my ex girlfriend from before I met my wife.” He pauses in anticipation of my reaction and notices that I am still standing there waiting for the rest of the story, he then takes a breath in and blows it out as he says in a low voice “We dated for a while and then we broke up but we stayed sexually together for a while after that. Whomever I dated after her never stopped the friendship me and sue had, it was simple she was my Sex buddy for years”.

Still in my very innocent state of mind I get a slight comfort in what he just told me, she was an ex girlfriend who held a grudge cause he got married to someone else, or so I wanted to believe until I heard the next sentence “We also continued to have sex after I got married, she was a friend at the end of the day and that was one of the many things we did in our friendship” I could not believe it, my love story was coming to a complete end the more words that kept floating out of Alex’s mouth the more i stopped being able to comprehend my new reality. So in a soft whisper I asked him “Does your wife know anything about this?” and he says “of course not…. she knows we are only friends but strangely enough a year ago she wanted me to stop talking to her for no reason at all.” surprised at his surprise I then ask sarcastically “So she had no idea and simply asked you never to see your supposed best friend ever again” and he said “ Yes, things were great she used to fly into town to come visit us and sleep over at our house, there were times where we would watch tv together and they would both be sitting next to me lying their heads on my shoulders. There was never a problem at all. So I don’t know what changed my wife around. She just stopped wanting her around.” With a sigh he continued to say “Women feel things, I am sure she felt there was something there” so I promised her that I would stop talking to her.

In utter dismay I tell him “Obviously you haven’t, she is here visiting you from out of town acting like an extremely jealous girlfriend. Your wife is out of town, what are you going to tell her?” and he simply said “She will never know, I answer her calls, we talk she knows I go out at night and party with my friend. Why should she know?” I stare at him, I feel like I am doing nothing but stare at him throughout this whole entire disturbing conversation. “ we are not sleeping together anymore, I made that very clear to her before she came to visit me. I told her that we are only friends with no sex.” He shook his head up and down to affirm what he just told me.

“So she is fine with that?” I ask and don’t wait for an answer before I say “obviously she is still pretty obsessed with you, and I don’t believe that you are not sleeping together anymore. I don’t believe it for a second, especially that you had your ring off and you never take off that ring. And the way she was acting was so obvious….why Alex?”  He looks at me sincerely and says “trust me we are not anymore, I am a good man to my wife. Believe me, she is trying all day to seduce me into sex and I am not giving her a chance. She walks around my apartment in her sexy lingerie and I don’t even budge, I keep my eyes on the tv”

“At your house!!!!! In her lingerie???!!!! Are you kidding!!! Do I look like there is the word idiot written all over my forehead?” I ask him with utter shock at what I just heard and then I gently express with utmost sadness in my voice “You poor wife…your poor poor wife, trusting you the way she does, having no idea who you really are”. I resort to ending the topic at hand, my chest was starting to tighten and the air was starting to escape me. Is it possible that this wonderful man is a cheater and such a great liar? Needless to say I had just unraveled the tip of the iceberg that day not knowing the abundance of new knowledge I will be acquiring from this young man in the months to come.

We end the topic and I go back to my desk unable to do any work or concentrate on anything other than hoping God didn’t hear my wishes for a man like Alex. Wishing with all my might that all these wishes I sent out don’t ever get answered and I start to write a men hating list instead.

To be continued………

Music-Univited Freemasons

This is an intreguing song, for a really long time i was unaware of what certain words were and sang them according to my understanding of it. When i would research the lyrics i would think that the words were incorrect, that everyone else was having the same problem  i was with them, until i actually looked up the words in the dictionary to be able to see why every site had those same words. So here is the song and here are the definitions of the lyrics.

Its a powerful song for women, very much in relation to the post i just posted “Desired Fruit”

I love how Freemasons take songs and remix them, they do a great job at it.

enjoy 🙂

Definitions of words in lyrics
1-Stoic: One who is seemingly indifferent to or unaffected by joy, grief, pleasure, or pain
2-Heartening: To give strength, courage, or hope to; encourage

3-Slight: disregard, neglect, overlook mean to pay no attention or too little attention to

Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
And like any hot-blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you’re not allowed
You’re uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening

To watch a burning shepherd
But you you’re not allowed
You’re uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You’re uninvited
An unfortunate slight

I don’t think your unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate

Butterflies in Time – Chapter 9 Final

A year passed with a constant struggle between Emma’s state of mind and David’s obsession with his religious master. There were days that moved by beautifully and there were days that were a complete nightmare. Emma wanted to remove her veil, she started to rebel over all the religious things that David forced upon her on, there came a point where she didn’t want to pray anymore and their fights would arouse from that. She was in and out of states of minds at times she loved her life with David and the kids, at other times she wanted to do nothing but walk out of the house in a pair of jeans and a top, go dancing and just be wild. Sandra and Rosie would come back for visits which caused more up roar in the family, Emma would long to do what they would be doing and David was constantly fighting a battle in his diplomatic ways with his sisters asking them not to speak of the life they lead to Emma. The strangest thing that David discovered in time was that Emma was wildly affected by the books she read, the movies she watched or the presence of his sisters. He didn’t want to isolate her from all those things that she loved so much, yet he had a family to think of and kids that loved having their mom around. He let her be yet forced her to at least maintain her prayers and the few mantras that his religious Master had given him to do.

One fateful day, as David was entering his house he hears Emma giggling in between her soft words to someone, he stands still and walks closer to his bedroom and finds her on the phone. She looks up from her daze of giggles and finds David staring at her in utter shock, she immediately shuts the phone and throws it on the bed. He walks towards her holding in all his anger as best he could as he said “ who….were…you….on….the…phone….with?” his eyes glaring at her, the look of death on his face. “It was my mom” she says with a smile on her face as she walks towards to bathroom. He then yells out really loud “Look at me when I am talking to you EMMA……WHO…WERE…YOU…WITH…ON…THE PHONE…NOWWWW?” Emma stops in her tracks, her back towards David and her instinct to run and grab her phone was pulling her to turn around and jump on the bed where the phone lie there still breathing out the truth. David understood what she was about to do as he bend down on top of the bed and grabbed hold of the phone, scrolling down the caller menu to see who she was talking to. The number was an unknown number, not registered under any name. Without a hesitation he pressed the dial key as he held the phone close to his ear in anticipation of who might pick it up.

“Emma…baby…are you ok…you just disappeared and I thought your husband walked in on you.” Said a deep male voice on the other end of the phone. Emma was frozen in time, her face was sweating yet her eyes stayed indifferent to what had just occurred. She was contemplating her next lie, her new found secret was being opened to the world and she needed to protect herself. She didn’t want to loose her husband again or the children, she just wanted to feel free, she wanted both worlds and was in a horrible place in her mind.

David slammed the phone shut, his calm vengeful look crept upon his face and the coldest voice came into his words “ Who the Hell is the person you were talking to Emma? Who is this guy on the other line?” she just stared at him. “Talk now Emma, you better tell me the truth…NOWWWWW” David went from utter calm to a madness deep within him, his eyes were enraged as his blood rushed up to his head. “ That is my mothers cousin David, it is not a big deal…why are you so mad?” she tried to explain with cool and calm to make David feel like there was nothing for him to get mad at.

Calmly David walked towards her saying with each step “so….i am to understand….that your mothers cousin calls you baby?” he stops just as he gets close enough to touch her “hmmmmm….how interesting…..and your mothers cousin has an understanding that the minute your husband walks in the house you will shut the phone on his face?” he then gets even closer towards her as there is only two inches between them. Emma steps back as she answers “uhhh…no…I mean…yes….what is wrong…what I cant talk to my mothers cousin…also this I am not allowed to do?” a defiance in her voice, she was not gonna give in to this, she wanted her family more than anything and she would lie all the way if that was what was needed. David turns around, phone in hand and leaves Emma there standing breathless with anticipation. She takes a deep breath in and starts to head to the bathroom to she all her tears that she had bottled in.

As she walks out of the bathroom five minutes later, she sees David walking towards her in complete madness, the speed of his steps are faster than her reaction to run. He walks straight up to her and slaps her across the face “You are a disgusting woman….lower than low…you deserve to stay in your crazy state of mind for the rest of your life” David was enraged, his wife lied to him “I found out through my own ways who’s number that was…..it was your ex-boyfriends number…you will never change your ways…you lier” He stares at her in disbelief how could this happen to him, after all that he did for her, after all that he wanted to do for her. He compromised his religious beliefs to keep her, he let go of his dream to have an extremely faithful wife to walk down the path of life with him, just to be with her. Who was this woman, what did she want from him? Had he not done his fair share of sacrifices to keep this marriage going on? He stares at her, she has her hand placed on her cheeks without a single tear drop coming down, she has been caught talking to another man on the phone and there was nothing she could say or do to change her new reality. He walks out and Emma rushes after him but it is too late he has stormed out of the house, shutting her out of his life and his thoughts forever.

Late at night he comes back, all beaten up and exhausted, like a man who was a hundred years old. He finds Emma sitting down on the chair and moves to sit on the chair opposite her.

“I will marry another woman” David says with such calm in his voice allowing for his inner venom to come out with hurtful words yet a tone of indifference. Emma sits there staring at him, in confusion as to what may happen next in her life. She feels that she deserves his anger, she feels that she is the core reason behind his wanting to find another wife and leave her behind in a world of turmoil and bitterness. David moves towards the door and walks out calmly not knowing where he will go or what he should do with the sadness that has engulfed him deep within his soul. He was always determined to find his soul mate, his main mission was to find a partner that will walk the long path of life with him in harmony and understanding. What had he done? He was devastated with the choice he made the miscalculation of who he chose to be his wife.

Emma sits facing the empty chair ahead of her, staring at the cushion as it expands itself back into its normal shape allowing for all traces of David to be whipped away. Tears well up as they trickle down her face, her mind can’t stop thinking, her heart is full of hate and love. She whispers to herself in the silence that has engulfed her “Why am i doing this?” she sits back and thinks back of her childhood, her life, how it has unfolded to lead her to a place of complete discomfort with who she is. She sinks deep into the chair and closes her watery eyes allowing the tears that have found their way to her cheeks dry up giving a discomfort to a familiar feeling deep within.

What was so wrong with her that she was not able to maintain a loving relationship and sustain a family life? Emma was trying her best to figure out what was wrong with her, why she did the things she did. She was good for three months and then she would not be able to control the deep desire to rebel against her life, this became her cycle, but this time it went really bad. The turn of events was horrible. In all reality she was only talking to her ex-boyfriend on the phone to remind herself of the days she was free of religion and all it’s pressure, when she was only responsible of herself and no one else. There were no kids, no man and no home to look after. Yes the other things in her life back then were horrible too, she lacked the comforts of a family life, or stability and she was craving both worlds, the one she had chosen today and the one she didn’t have a choice in the past. Her ex boyfriend had gotten in touch with her, hoping she was still single, yet to his dismay she was already married with kids. So he pursued her with phone calls and in time Emma started to look forward to those meaningless phone conversations that took her far away from the restrictions she was under today.

David was already on his way to his parents house, not knowing where else to go. He called up his Religious master to vent out and receive some reasonable advice, to his dismay the Religious master told him to punish his wife by keeping her but marrying another woman to take care of him. He continued to tell him to keep Emma as the baby sitter since she had to care for her children, but to marry another woman to provide him with the spiritual growth he was seeking. David heard all this attentively yet nothing really made sense to him anymore. How could it be so simple to just marry another woman while keeping the one you have as a baby sitter? He still loved Emma and could not bring himself to doing something like that to her. When he shut the phone with his religious master he took the elevator to go up to his parents house, concluding that he needed to seek another wife, a purer one that would elevate him to the greatest heaven. His family were enraged with anger and disappointment at the way David was dealing with this.

The war between David’s family against Emma and David began, it was a double edged sword, they were both wrong on so many levels. David was completely taken by his religious master unable to hear any logic from anyone else. As for Emma she was doing things that endangered her family’s unity cause of the suffocation she was in and the lack of comfort within her own self.  There was nothing anyone could do, nothing anyone said made a difference and in time David was starting his search for wife number two.

David took a flight down to meet his Religious Master a week later wanting to be in the sanctuary of the world he craved for. It was by pure luck that David opened his eyes to what was really happening in the religious cult he chose to be so intimate with. He saw all the hypocrisy that took place there, most women were covered from head to toe yet late at night, when they would light up their candles in their homes to take change, they would keep their blinds wide open for all to see them get undressed. He started to pay attention to what was really being said to them all, that working was not essential, that God would send money to you even if you don’t work, just by sitting and praying and doing mantras the doors of money will descend on them. Everything that he never saw before started to show themselves to him on that trip. An awareness came into light and he booked his flight and went back to his home town to really assess the things that were going wrong.

His shock was evident to all, he isolated himself trying to make sense of the life he had been leading for five years with his religious Master. Believing everything he said, doing everything that was told to him just to reach the ultimate goal of being on God’s good side. Enraged with himself for being so blind and enraged with his wife for being so hard to please he decided to put the whole second wife escapade on hold.

Emma was working hard on herself at the time, figuring out how to be a better mother, a better person. She wanted to have a life outside of her four walls to be able to breathe again, she just didn’t know how. On a random conversation with a friend she was offered a job as an assistant in a old people’s home. She took the job in a heartbeat as she felt that this could be a right move towards her sanity coming back. She called David to tell him of her new plans and he agreed to it with open arms. Emma was surprised with the change of attitude, from a man that would have never accepted her  to work came another man telling her that he was very happy with her decision.

David and Emma pursued their daily lives the best way they could with one another, each one in their won world trying to re-assess the destruction that took place between them, still knowing that they both loved one another very much. Months passed and slowly they both started to sit with one another more often. David did not force Emma to do any religious stuff giving her all the space she needed as long as she kept the veil on and took care of the kids. Emma avoided phone calls with friends who were living a life she left behind years ago to concentrate on her new life. Every few months Emma would go through a fit and David would calm her down, talking to her, listening to her giving her the affection she needed.

In her fits she would confide to him “I am not good for you, I am not worthy of you in my life David. Your such a good man and I have bought you nothing but pain into your life.” And David would tell her that he agreed that she bought him a lot of pain and he was part to blame for the ability to have ignited all her insecurities with all the religious stuff he forced upon her.

They were starting to talk again and every three months David would wait for Emma’s outburst of insecurities and reasons to leave them all behind. He knew all the pain she faced in her life, and the biggest one was that her parents never wanted her, so why should she want her kids?

They had bought a tv into their home, actually two tv’s into their home. One for their bedroom to watch all the movies they desired to watch together and one in the living room for the days they would allow their kids to watch tv. Emma became the manager of the old people’s home as David became in charge of his own religious beliefs. He still followed religion the way he had always wanted it, but this time around he was using his God given logic and provided the ability for his wife to deal with it the best way she could.

Two years later David and Emma have reached what they were always destined to reach a friendship like no other. They are one with one another, they are both strong people and each one stands up for the other with all they have within them of love.

Emma is an adoring mother to her kids, she became a great cook as it bought her some serenity to see the joy on her husband’s face when she made him good food. She goes to religious classes that her husband tells her are the good ones to go to and she peruses her religion on her own pace with such love and ease.

David has risen to a wonderful state with his spirituality that his family find it a joy to speak to him again and take his opinion. He has left judgment behind and has moved towards great understanding and acceptance of each individuals growth. He works hard to earn his money and keep his family well sustained, not just waiting to see what God will give him through prayers.

Their home is filled with love and joy, their kids have become the center of both their lives, but their universe has become one another.

Sometimes you don’t know what is good for you, sometimes there is a huge struggle to be able to be the person you are meant to be. Sometimes it’s through the journey that you find what you want, other times it’s by going through that journey with that one person that makes you figure out who you are.

Sticks and Stones….

“Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”

I must say that after my experiences in the last three years the above statement is far from the truth. It is said that most Emotionally abused women are unable to walk out of their abusive relationships cause their bruises and broken bones are obvious to no one not even to the abused. Out of my personal experience i can easily say that sticks and stones can break my bones yet once someone sees it i will be rushed to the hospital to have professional healers work to fix me. As for the brutal words that tear you apart and wound your insides, those wounds take forever to mend, for no one can see them not even you.

People need proof that something is wrong, they need to see a broken arm which indicates an immediate rush to the hospital, a building on fire will ignite people on the streets to call the firemen to put out the fire, an accident on the street alerts the passers by to call the police and ambulance for rescue. As for an internal wound that can’t be seen only felt, there is no way for this to be attended to at the right time with the right resources to fix it. It is proven that if a person bumps their head hard enough to cause pain and faintness then this person should go to the doctor to check up on it. There are times when you do go to the doctor and they cant find any evidence of future traumas therefore allowing the person to go home. A few weeks later this person dies of a blood clot in the brain that went undetected with no previous signs of any defects cause the person was perusing their daily actives as they always had.

This is what an abused person is like, there are no exterior evidence that can alert the  surrounding environment that this person needs help. What usually happens is that the abuser is always proving in front of others what a great person they are, so when the abused decides to confide in a friend the abused becomes at fault for not knowing how to work things out with such a great guy (the abuser).

How does hypnosis work? It words through words that someone uses in a certain tone and with a certain set or words to get you in a meditative state. In just knowing that, it is clear how powerful words can be and how much they can effect the human mind. An abused person starts to live in their mind listening to all the new words that have been placed there to break their confidence in themselves allowing insecurities to grow deep, trying to make sense of the outside world while their inside world has lost all its sense.

If an abused person comes to talk to you seeking help to make sense of her life, pay close attention you may be able to help that person break free of her pain early enough to allow the damages that are in motion to stop so the healing period will not last a lifetime. Praising the abuser  is only a  confirmation to the abused that she is going mad making her believe it is all her fault that she should be treated badly by her man. There is never a strong enough excuse for bad behaviour. There is never an excuse for humiliation and pain to be a part of ones life style, especially when that becomes her life cause of loving the wrong man.

SO i conclude this article by saying that Sticks and Bones may break my bones but WORDS DO break my spirit.