Simplicity of Honesty

Bungalo that i stayed in Maldives

Chocked up……the tears were logged up in my throat making it hard for me to utter a word and so instead I kept waving goodbye to all the islands residence with a forced smile upon my face.

The hardest part about leaving the island was that the people were incredibly nice, unlike anything I had ever met before. Although my trip was only for four days, I have to admit that it took me three days to truly believe these people no ulterior motive other than just simply being nice and wanting to help for nothing in return. Sadly by the time I started to get used to it and I allowed for my defenses to go down I was heading out of the island and back to my regular life. The upside to this was that I didn’t enjoy the freedom of trust for too long therefore not making it hard for me to safe guard myself again with all the necessary weapons to shield me from the hypocrisy and lies that I seem to always be surrounded by.

As I worked on building up my mistrust of others during my plane ride back I noticed a sadness that came along with it. What had happened to the world, where have people left their honesty? As I sat indulged in that thought I realized that all my mistrust was sprouting out of the place I was living in. The dishonesty was in every corner and the people always had an ulterior motive when wanting to interact with me or others. Being one to always fight against dishonesty I tried to maintain my truth with no regard to anyone’s perception of who I am. This method has burnt me out and driven me mad yet I still persist on keeping it as a large part of who I am hoping that one day others will see that truth does not hurt as much as the lies do.

One of the biggest liars I have encountered recently is my boss, an ignorant man who does nothing all day except talk about everyone behind their back in despicable mannerism. I have learnt to shut the door of my office to keep him at bay, yet there are times where he has no decency to stay out, therefore forcing himself into my office space with some new gossip that he is itching to share. On many occasions he has tried to dig me a hole to fall in to In the same manner he does everything else in his life. Since I do have luck on my side I always tend to find out and correct it in front of him and those that were lied to making him get several warnings for his actions. He points the finger at the clients saying they take illegal money yet knowing for sure that he is the one leading the illegality. His hopes and dreams are for me to leave the project yet his kindness in front of me is beyond words always a shock when I find out what was said behind my back.

I built up as much defenses as I could, but at the end only a liar can deal with a liar and proudly I say “I do not resort to lying”. So yes, on my way back from the land of Honesty I was chocked up tears wanted to gush down and the desire to run into the arms of the resort residence was profound, yet I had to have control over my desires. And on the plane I had to let go of the notion of comfort and start my defense mechanism all over again, not knowing what to expect when I get back to work, not knowing what new stabbing mechanism was manufactured in my absence.

The beach right across from the Bungalo...beautiful sand

One thing I have learnt is that only the same types of people know how to get along with one another. An honest person will rarely believe that the person in front of them is lying, it is something they don’t do therefore they don’t detect easily. A person with ethical values have no means of believing that the person in front of them have no ethical values since they themselves only mange life through those values. A jealous person is unable to make sense of a person who feels no jealousy. It is a true fact when it is said that “like stick to like” and if you’re not in rhythm with who you’re dealing with then you will never be able to fight their fight using their weapons cause your weapons are of a different kind only able to be used with your “like”.

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Stick to “Like”

There are many conditions that have to take permanent residence when the word “Love” is to be used. To say the word “I love you” is the easiest thing to do when you’re dating someone or dreaming of a future life with that someone.

There are conditions to support the verbal confessions of Love that people tend to use at random. To look into some one’s eyes and say the words “I love you” is so easy  to do, especially if your dating that someone or in hope of continuing a long term relationship with that someone. Love contains more power and ground than a four letter word. Love needs to have the ability to defend the one you proclaim to love, the possibility of honest confessions of true intentions, the pertaining of pleasure in providing gratification to the one you love. These are all different categories that fall under and within the words “I love you”.

I have many friends who swoon once their boyfriends or husbands tell them “…But I love you” or “….i am doing all this cause I love you”……or “ It’s cause I love you”, they erase all the actions that prove otherwise and talk themselves into believing void words that have nothing of prominence to support what they are hearing.

I have a friend who won’t stop dating a guy that never prioritizes her.  He finds ways to constantly make her think that he loves her, yet he does things to avoid spending time with her. He uses the words “I love you” to keep her lingering on. He prefers spending his holidays away from her, in different countries, yet when confronted by her, he tells her “You could have just told me this upsets you….you know I love you”. Other times when she has time to spend with him on a trip, he somehow finds a way to leave two day earlier and when she confronts him with her pain he tells her “You know how much the gym means to me, I can’t skip it, I have to go back home to be in MY gym….but you know I love you”. There are even times where they may be hanging out in the same space but he leaves without telling her he is leaving, letting her be there on her own assuming he will join her after he is done with his workout. Yet again he reels her in with void words and examples of other loving times he had with her, always with the belief that “he loves her”. Yes, my friend is stuck in a world of lies and there is nothing to help her get out and no one that she will listen to, and all this cause she believes that he “Loves” her. What she doesn’t seem to understand is that love comes with a lot more things than just a four letter word. The word “Love” was not created to be used as a Band-Aid, every time a wound occurs you put the “Love” band-Aid on it and it goes away. In her situation she needs to watch what he does and close her ears to what he says to see the dark hole she is digging for herself clearly. She has lost all herself value in believing his words in hopes that they are the reality she lives in today. He has never confessed to her his true intentions in having her in his life, and she is willing to stick around for the day in which she may understand where all this love is heading to.

Another friend keeps getting promised to have a family vacation with her husband, and every time the opportunity arises that holiday trip seems to never fall into fruition. He loves her, he says but the one thing her heart has desired for the last six years of their marriage was to take a vacation with her husband alone and sadly he has found every way possible to never make it happen. He has no money to go on vacation, yet he has the money to spend on expensive watches and large sums of money on weekend outings. He has no time off work to take a vacation, yet he is able to find the time when a trip includes his friends. With all the excuses that he has given her, never to travel with her as a family alone, he has maintained the one sentence he is gifted at saying “I love you”. When she got the courage to break free and plan a trip with her girlfriends, knowing well that the time for her to travel with her husband alone will never come, he condemn her for taking a decision to travel alone as he continued to use “I love you and this is what you do?”. My girlfriends husband is unaware of the fact that his words are starting to mean nothing to her, there are no actions to support his confessions of undying love to her. He purchases gifts of his liking for his friends to see and yet what her heart desires the most is never given to her. Love is not only words, when you truly love someone you offer them what they want as it should provide a small internal pleasure in seeing the one you love fulfilled.

Another friend dated a man who never defended her when in the presence of others. He always took everyone else’s side and never hers. When his friends would start to make fun of her in front of him, he would conspire with them and make further remarks to entertain them on her behalf. When she would feel offended and refuse to see him again he would tell her “It was only joking around, you know how much I love you”. When his parents would complain about her dress code being too simple and not lavish enough he would go up to her in a rage making fun of her outfit and telling her she is not worthy of outings with him. She would whimper in crying fits as she would gasp and say “why would you say something so cruel to me” and he would naturally tell her “It’s cause I love you and want you to be the prettiest woman around”. At one point a dear friend of his sent him a hate message about my friend, telling him to watch out and she was not worthy of him, when in reality his friend had a previous feud with my friend therefore trying to make her life a living hell. When the boyfriend knew he went along with what his friend said and instead of defending his woman, he continued befriending that friend with such love and intimacy. When she finally found out a month later she rushed at him with anger and harsh words only to hear him tell her “I didn’t want to tell you cause I love you.” How little do people care about the word “Love”? In this situation my friend was not loved at all, for if it were love then he would have defended her with all his might. He would have stopped his friend from bad mouthing her and cut all relations with him. Love defends the ones they love cause there is no one else worthy to them more than the lover they have at the time. If you can’t defend the ones you love, then you have no love to offer other than the love of pleasing others in hopes to fit in.

Before confessing Love to your partner, make sure you know all the factors that come with that word. Make sure you are up to carrying the weight of love, and if you’re not, then keep it at “like” and give “Love” a break from the wrong that has been done to it. It has turned into a manipulation strategy and lost the glory of its “grander than life” formula.

Assess the actions, for at the end words hold no meaning if they have nothing to fall back on to prove their worthiness.