Farm or City?

Our life experiences are based on our way of life. What we say and do come back to us in one way or another. If we believe in ourselves then everything we do is right, there is no fear, there is no worry, there is only self confidence in the choices we make. To hear your own voice is all that matters for no one else lives your life or has your wisdom.

Living on a farm or living in a city have a great distinction between them and show a slight resemblance of a congested mind and an intuitive mind. In a city there is noise pollution that scatters your thoughts and allows for nothing other than everyone else’s voice to overpower your own caring voice. In a city you are rushing from one place to the next getting your job done, errands run, obligations met and in all this people are chattering away giving advice where it is not needed, assuming they know best, and therefore diluting your own trust within yourself. Time becomes something you try to find yet discover that it’s meaning has been lost to you. What is expected of you has stopped you from doing what is expected from yourself to you. You glimpse a sight of what you want your life to look like and you feel that you can breath again. Yet a second later  a whirlwind of clatter over powers that desire and it is lost amongst the bustle and noise emanating from those around you who ridicule your thoughts and the sight of your own breath of fresh air.

In the Farm you are free to hear yourself contemplate and understand what is good or bad for you. There are only animals around that say nothing more than offer their love to you for the simple act of feeding them and caring for them. In return you are left to listen to your mind as it ventures into a world of its own where the decisions are based on your own internal voice that you have come to believe in and trust. You move with your instincts towards your fields of green in knowledge of when to water them and when to walk away. You hear the sound of your breathing and the whispers of the butterflies as they pass you by. In an ability to sit and think you realize what your dreams are and grow strong in your beliefs, for there is no one there who can contaminate those desires and the conviction of your thoughts.

I long to be a farm, where I am left to my own accord and rid myself of the fear of change or the fears that have been bestowed upon me by those who love me the most.


Ecstasy at its Best

The fear over took me as I lifted one leg up placing it carefully on a tiny little pedal as the other leg flew over the narrow seat and rested on the opposing  pedal. My hands grasped Mark’s shoulders as I slowly sat down on the narrow leather seat. I felt like chocking up, I was unable to breath, the large helmet closed around my face, cradling my chin and covering my ears and cheeks only allowing a narrow opening for my eyes to see and nose to breath. I asked Mark repeatedly “Are you sure this is safe? The last time I did this I was nine years old.” And Mark kept reassuring me “Trust me it is very safe, you will feel the freedom you have always longed for”

As Mark started to move very slowly with his motorcycle I relaxed for a few seconds giving full and utter trust in Mark’s abilities and the fact that he has been riding since a very young age. Just as I was starting to talk myself into the reliability of what I was on, I found my legs thrown off of the pedals and crashing against the cement floor as the motorcycle fought to hold itself up. I got off the bike in a heart beat as Mark tried to lift it off its tilted angel with all the strength he had in his legs. Once the bike was up again, standing the way a bike should stand I hesitated for a few seconds before hoping back on it. I didn’t want to make Mark feel that he was not competent at what he loved to do the most and yet the fear of my life being under someone else’s hands was overwhelming. Needless to say, the need and desire to make Mark feel that I still trusted him over took my fear and I was back on the bike, pretending like nothing happened. As we started to drive off again, this time moving a lot faster I felt my heart was gonna throw itself outside of my chest and give up on me.

“Why do I always do that to myself?”  I wondered “Why is it always someone else’s feelings that I worry about a lot more than mine?” I was afraid, so afraid all I was able to do was come to terms that this was how I was gonna die. I kept repeating prayers in my mind and heart as my arms wrapped themselves around Mark’s waist. I kept asking God to forgive all my sins and forgive any bad I had done in my life, and as I kept praying and visualizing my death we came to a halt and I was surrounded by other bikers all parked in front of a bike store chatting away and purchasing things for their bikes. Once we were off the bikes, Mark took off and went inside the store to check out helmets as I stood outside observing all the people around me, watching their facial expressions and seeing them wave a polite hello to me. Mark appeared again and asked me to go in the store with him and check it out, I obediently did that, out of worry of being left alone with the death machine.

Against all my wishful prayers, we got on the bike again and this time I was sure we were gonna die. Mark was a pro at driving a Harley and I should have felt safe internally, the anguish was beyond my understanding, the images in my head were overwhelming me as the wind crashed itself against my face and body. We stopped again at a gas station before our long trip to the sea, he asked me again at the gas station if I was ok and up for the ride and humbly I said “Yes I am ready for it” unknowingly to him that I had come to terms that God had planned my death on that very day, on that motorcycle, on a long desert road towards the sea that I was sure I would never see.

The Harley was filled up with gas, our helmets were back on our heads, my hands were balanced on marks shoulders and we were off onto the highway that is known to have killed hundreds of thousands of people. I prayed again and again, and asked for forgiveness from God in every possible form and envisioned how mad my mom would be on the day of my funeral that I actually got on a motorcycle and never told her. As all these fears and images came flashing by me something started happening to me a very unexpected turn of events. My prayers became more positive; I started asking God to bless me with a wonderful life filled with the wonderful freedom I was feeling internally at this very moment. My arms loosened from around mark’s waist and they now leaned casually on his shoulders. My head tilted up towards the sky watching the clouds form all sorts of shapes and animals. I forgot all my fears and I felt like I was one with nature and life. I lost track of life and all my worries and my mind seemed to venture in all the right directions with all the right thoughts and right expectations. Reality would come crashing at me the minute Mark would caress my leg to make sure I was doing fine and I would remember that I was on a motorcycle and not up there in the clouds having an out of body experience. Even when I would come back to reality and notice where I really was, there was nothing but utmost joy in my heart, the fear had dissipated itself into a world that refused to accept its presence anymore.

After half an hour of the most amazing ride of my life, Mark asked me if I wanted a cigarette break and I screamed out loudly “YES” with a giddy smile and a laughter I had no more control over. We stopped, I took of my helmet and started to jump up and down with loving joy. I thanked Mark for making me take this trip with him, I thanked him with all my heart at the amazing experience he just provided me with. My heart was filled with gratitude and love for this man, he took me out of my worries and gave me freedom unlike any other known to man. Once we were done we hoped back onto the bike and I was ecstatic to get back on it again, I could not wait to have the wind blow up against my body or the rush of excitement that came with speed, or the basic feeling of my soul freed outside of my body.

We continued our ride some more and in another half hour found a bike stop over where all the other motorcycles stopped to talk and take a break. As we sat down on a table sipping on our coffees we watched all the other bikers getting ready to leave, and the rush I felt inside as I watched them drive away made me crave to get on the bike again.

A small discussion went on between me and Mike and we both came to terms that it would take us another hour to get to the sea and then another hour to enjoy the beauty of nature and an hour and half to drive back. This was all going to be hard to do before sunset and therefore decided to head back into town and do this trip another day. My heart ached a bit when we decided upon that, I wanted to see the sea so badly, just to complete this wonderful feeling I had inside. I need that final closure to that wonderful ride, and the one way of feeling that and doing it was to actually be by the sea and meditate to the sound of the waves.

As we drove back, I forgot the urge to see the water and the waves and felt elated again to be on the motorcycle. The wind was getting stronger and my body felt that it would fly off the bike at any moment, but I didn’t care the least bit, I was on this bike and my soul was over joyed, I had no fears I only had an abundance of love in my heart and wanted to cherish every second of it.

What I learnt was that fear is conquerable because it is something that does not exists outside of ones mind. Those random images that kept my stomach turned over and my heart racing were only images conjured by my own mind. Once I faced my fear, came terms with it and accepted it as only a fear, I actually broke free of it. It did not exist anymore, it could not exist anymore because all those images fled away and they didn’t stop me from going ahead and doing what the “fear” tried its best to stop me from doing.

Fear froze me yet the conquering of it set me free to find a new hobby that allows my soul to drift off into wonderful realms of my true reality. Bless you Mark for the persistence on getting me on that Bike and thanks for showing me the beauty that exists outside my own mind.

For the Poem Click on ” I must admit 

Simplicity of Honesty

Bungalo that i stayed in Maldives

Chocked up……the tears were logged up in my throat making it hard for me to utter a word and so instead I kept waving goodbye to all the islands residence with a forced smile upon my face.

The hardest part about leaving the island was that the people were incredibly nice, unlike anything I had ever met before. Although my trip was only for four days, I have to admit that it took me three days to truly believe these people no ulterior motive other than just simply being nice and wanting to help for nothing in return. Sadly by the time I started to get used to it and I allowed for my defenses to go down I was heading out of the island and back to my regular life. The upside to this was that I didn’t enjoy the freedom of trust for too long therefore not making it hard for me to safe guard myself again with all the necessary weapons to shield me from the hypocrisy and lies that I seem to always be surrounded by.

As I worked on building up my mistrust of others during my plane ride back I noticed a sadness that came along with it. What had happened to the world, where have people left their honesty? As I sat indulged in that thought I realized that all my mistrust was sprouting out of the place I was living in. The dishonesty was in every corner and the people always had an ulterior motive when wanting to interact with me or others. Being one to always fight against dishonesty I tried to maintain my truth with no regard to anyone’s perception of who I am. This method has burnt me out and driven me mad yet I still persist on keeping it as a large part of who I am hoping that one day others will see that truth does not hurt as much as the lies do.

One of the biggest liars I have encountered recently is my boss, an ignorant man who does nothing all day except talk about everyone behind their back in despicable mannerism. I have learnt to shut the door of my office to keep him at bay, yet there are times where he has no decency to stay out, therefore forcing himself into my office space with some new gossip that he is itching to share. On many occasions he has tried to dig me a hole to fall in to In the same manner he does everything else in his life. Since I do have luck on my side I always tend to find out and correct it in front of him and those that were lied to making him get several warnings for his actions. He points the finger at the clients saying they take illegal money yet knowing for sure that he is the one leading the illegality. His hopes and dreams are for me to leave the project yet his kindness in front of me is beyond words always a shock when I find out what was said behind my back.

I built up as much defenses as I could, but at the end only a liar can deal with a liar and proudly I say “I do not resort to lying”. So yes, on my way back from the land of Honesty I was chocked up tears wanted to gush down and the desire to run into the arms of the resort residence was profound, yet I had to have control over my desires. And on the plane I had to let go of the notion of comfort and start my defense mechanism all over again, not knowing what to expect when I get back to work, not knowing what new stabbing mechanism was manufactured in my absence.

The beach right across from the Bungalo...beautiful sand

One thing I have learnt is that only the same types of people know how to get along with one another. An honest person will rarely believe that the person in front of them is lying, it is something they don’t do therefore they don’t detect easily. A person with ethical values have no means of believing that the person in front of them have no ethical values since they themselves only mange life through those values. A jealous person is unable to make sense of a person who feels no jealousy. It is a true fact when it is said that “like stick to like” and if you’re not in rhythm with who you’re dealing with then you will never be able to fight their fight using their weapons cause your weapons are of a different kind only able to be used with your “like”.

The Inshight i never got

As I sit entirely indulged in my book with my already blown neck rest and blind folds neatly placed on my lap, a loud gentle male voice snaps me out of my trance as he asks me “Can I pass? I am seated next to you in 28 I”. He beams at me with a smile, and I think to myself in dismay “oh no….a talker”. I remove the items off my lap, hold my book in one hand and stand up to allow him to pass my seat to get to his. As I flop back into my seat and start re-arranging everything as it was before his arrival he decides to introduce himself and his friend; seated in 28J to me “Hi, my name is Fuad and this is Jannah” he stretches out his hand and I am forced to take it, smile back and introduce myself. “We were in a seminar, learning how to communicate effectively and attract potential clients” he continues to say as he fiddles around in his brown hand bag bringing out two books to entertain him during the flight. I take a peek at the books he is extracting from his hand bag and realize that this guy could be of some interest; maybe I can spend a few more minutes talking to him before i dive back into my book. As cheerful as a cheerleader Fuad starts to ask me questions regarding who I am and where I work, I respond cautiously uninterested in providing any answers, more interested in knowing what seminar he was attending. I take a quick look at my book and contemplate opening it up to start to read or to give a few more minutes to Fuad in hopes of acquiring any new insights that I may learn from this encounter. “I think it is best to talk on the plan and get to know who is sitting next to you. People never do that, and I always wonder why not?” he starts to ramble on “that is why I am going to put in the effort to always talk to the people sitting next to me on the plane, it is always good to make new contacts in every environment I am in” Fuad says this with a wide smile and a knowing look. I stare at him for a few seconds and right before he starts to ask me some more uncalled for questions I calmly tell him that I disagree with his philosophy and start to open up my book. His mouth closes, and with interest he leans closer; as I lean further away, and asks me “Please explain your point of view to me”. I take a deep breath, move my body around a bit so that I can face him and simply say “ I believe that life is full of things to do as it is, the only time a person has for themselves is when they are on an airplane.” Fuad then moves around in his seat, looking more interested in what I have to say, and so i close my book again and I continue to say ”Your daily life is spent at work, on the phone, with friends, in outings and there is never any time where you can feel no guilt in doing nothing. When you’re on vacation then you are busy all the time calling friends, seeing things, going places. If it is a business trip then you’re busy seeing clients, having planned dinners and working on urgent matters from your hotel room. If it is a holiday spent in your home town, then the whole vacation is spent seeing family and old friends, making sure no time goes to waste since there is such limited time to see everyone.” He nods in agreement, tilts his head sideways, scratches his chin and asks me to continue. I look at him intensely and notice a change in his flamboyant attitude, the “know it all” attitude that he portrayed to me from the minute he asked me to allow him to pass. Seeing that he is open to really listen to what I am saying I agree to continue.

 “Well, the only time I have for myself, with no guilt, is on a plane. On the plane it is my time, there are no phone calls that I have to respond to or make, there is no one I have to go see, there are no plans that I have to contemplate on doing or not. There is nothing but me, my book, the small tv screen in front of me and the possibility to sleep at my own free will. Therefore I don’t believe in having to socialize on the plane and make connections with strangers since I have to do that in my everyday life. I don’t have to sit and put into consideration someone else outside of myself for those few hours. I can only think of my pleasure and what I want to do.” Fuad looks at me after I am done telling him my point of view. I twist myself back into the normal sitting position on the plane ready to start reading my book, in hope of having him understand the importance of what i told him. He is quiet and I know he is absorbing what I had just offered him. A few seconds later he tells me I am so right, he never thought about it that way. I feel a sense of pleasure in  providing an insight to him, although I was waiting for an insight from him and not the other way around. I open up my book, cuddle further into my narrow seat and start reading my book in silence, at my own pleasure, with no further interruptions from the straanger sitting next to me.

The age of 31

“I used to see the flaw in every diamond. Now stones astound me with their perfection.” written by nothingprofound Click on Icon “Lovely Aphorisms..”

The best year of my life was when I turned thirty one. That was the year in which I lost most of my ability to care about what others thought of me or who I was supposed to be. Sitting amongst my friends in a coffee shop, I rested my back on the uncomfortable wooden chair as I placed my hands on my thighs and watched my friends scolding one of the residents of the table regarding her approach towards religion. Although the friend that was being scolded lived a pretty good life with pretty normal expectations she was still not being given a chance to do with her life as she wished to do. In addition she was not to pursue her religion the way she felt she wanted to. It seemed that others expectations of her were greater and very different than what her expectations of herself were.

As I sat there watching the constant criticism that was being bestowed upon her by the dearest people in her life, I came to a realization about myself; I lost my ability to care about what anyone really thinks about my way of life. Who was anyone to tell me how I should feel or think? Who gave anyone the right to tell me how I should handle a certain situation while criticizing the way I had already handled it? Knowing very well that I can’t turn back time and mend it the way they would like me to mend it.

As the days started to pass by, and I was become more and more integrated into the new awareness my whole demeanor started to change. I walked into places with less concern about who was looking and what people were thinking of me. My dress code became fully convenient of my mood rather than having it be for the entertainment of receiving the desired complement. My body felt comfortable to me, I started to feel at ease within my own skin. I looked at myself in the mirror differently, I saw a lovely person, filled with charisma and beauty that I had never really seen before. I came to accept who I am and stopped fighting my core self. I was coming to terms with the fact that; who I have always been will always be who I am.  No matter how much I spent trying to change myself to what each person perceived would be better for me, I was still who I was, my inner self was still the way it always was.

The greatest thing that dawned on me at thirty one was that no matter what my family expected of me or my friends assumed I should do, they still had complaints. Nothing ever satisfied anyone, there was always a fault to be mended and once it was mended then there arouse another fault out of the previously mended fault. In constantly wanting to fix myself according to what others expectations of me where, I lost touch with what I really wanted out of my life and my personality.

People are never happy with anything, there is always a criticism coming one way or another. If you do something great, people will find a fault in it, praising themselves in the process as they express how they could have done it better and how you should have done it their way. What dawned on me at the late age of thirty one was that no matter how I chose to do things there will always be someone, somewhere ready to criticize it. If I wore the red dress I was told to wear to the party, there will be people there that will criticize my choice of color voicing that I look better in green and I should have worn green. If I wear the green to the next party then there will be those who will put down the green and say that I should stick to blues.

There is no pleasing everyone, there is no pleasing anyone, there is only pleasing yourself and caring only for what you think is best for you. Whatever pace you want to pursue your religion in, is yours to judge. Whatever you want to make of your life, it is yours to make. Whomever you want to talk to is yours to decide upon. However you want to act is upon your own judgment of yourself. Most importantly; whatever your vales are, will always be your values to keep and abide by.

People will always criticize people, even if the person is an angel sent from the heavens above with no flaws; a flaw will be found. So love who you have become, accept yourself with all your faults and all your greatness, for there is no one worthy of pleasing but yourself.

A Willow Tree

A few weeks ago I received a picture of a willow tree and it took my breath away. My best friend wanted to express her love of life and God through the beauty of a willow tree and in doing so I have become mesmerized by the magnificence of the tree and what secrets it holds deep within itself.

The quote I received was the following “ Ever notice how the more leaves or goods a tree has the more it bends down? The more knowledge a person has the more humble and modest he should be”

 The willow tree was compared to human growth, their internal struggle as they manage to become in touch with who they are and what they want out of life. A willow tree represents the beauty in which all of life’s beauty and understanding falls under. In a way; it means that as the years pass by and the experiences of life start to make sense to you, the reality hits home, the reality of being one with the earth and nature takes over and you grow back down to gravity, you grow towards the earth out of true understanding of what is most meaningful in life. Being humble and modest are two things that have taken it’s toll on us recently and people have too many philosophies to share that are shared for the compliment that they will be receiving more than the insight that they truly believe is worth sharing for a better understanding of life. People are too busy talking instead of truly listening to all the wonders around them.

We sit amongst a group of people, each one trying to force their new found insight on to the other person, each one trying to get the appraisal they so wish to have. All we ever look for are more compliments to nourish our ego’s not understanding that the more we feed our ego’s the more we are walking away from our true selves. Always in search of ways to over take another persons insights and conversations, always finding ways to make our voices heard, always trying to reform everyone to our way of thinking regardless if we are right or wrong. What is the benefit of forcing an opinion in hopes of gaining an ego rub when your ridding yourself of the basic human nourishment of humbleness and modesty.


In nature things grow silently in appraisal of the wonders of the universe as they hold firm and strong to the earth that nourished them and gave them the strength to be what they were meant to be. In humbleness a person can have gratitude for the knowledge they have acquired throughout their lives, not needing others to affirm and applaud their thoughts.

Reason, Season, Lifetime










There is this e-mail that i keep getting every few years that contains the following statement ” People are either in your life for a reason, season or a lifetime”. Whenever it would pop up in my life, i would ponder what new person has entered my life? and is that person in it for a reason a season or a lifetime?

Men and Women have come and gone in my life, each either serving a purpose for my higher good or there are those who are integrated so deeply in my life that they are bound to be in it for a lifetime. I take a deep look at the ones that have lasted years with me, the ones who through the think and thin have been there with me as i have been there with them not a thought of a single degrading attitude. These are the ones to keep in your life forever, they are the ones that no matter who you are and whatever state you are in, will always be there and cherish your core self regardless of the state of mind you are in for whatever reason you may be going through.

Yet, there are those who come in with a higher purpose, the ones who pop out of nowhere and disappear out of nowhere. These are the ones that make me ponder about the glory of life and its intricate details and helpful hand. I have come to notice that these people enter when you least expect it, when you are in a state of mind where you are in need of more than just yourself and your mind. These people may have always been around you yet you have not noticed them yet cause it was not the right time yet for them to fully integrate themselves in your life. Its like when buying a book, sometimes you buy the book and it stays on your shelf for days, weeks or Years before some nagging feeling starts to pull you towards the book and you devour it as you keep asking yourself “how come i never read it when i first bought it?”. This is when you are sure that there is something that you need to learn or acquire from that book or that person, and surely enough you finish the book with an insight you have been looking for or a word from the person that has been something you needed to hear. You may be thinking of moving countries, you might want to move to Spain for example and your thoughts are focused on that for months or even just weeks, then out of no where you meet a person or a few people who actually live there. They enter into your life to offer you insights about what you have been questioning. Then one day they Pooffff away like smoke having already given you what you needed at the time to realize if the move you are contemplating is something you want to do or not. It could also be as simple as needing to believe in yourself again in a certain aspect of your life. After my MJ experience (Happily Ever After story) i had lost all parts of me, it was somewhere i was unable to reach or see, i had a bunch of insecurities about myself and the most one was the ability to talk and laugh the way i want to having a person actually enjoy that part of me again. A person entered my life for 3 weeks, and in those 3 weeks i laughed and joked for the three years that i had lost that ability and confidence in doing. We understood one another’s jokes with no effort, i would say something and he would understand it so easily and effortlessly as he would joke right back with the same understanding. We were of the same past life, my Montreal life, which made it easy for my way of thinking to be understood and appreciated. With MJ i was condemned for not knowing how to joke properly, condemned for not knowing what to say at the right time, made fun of “do you think your funny” when i would find humor in something. Then this person entered my life to allow me again to believe in who i am, to know that i still possess a core part of myself that had been lost to the cruelty of words. There was nothing else in common, there was nothing deeper than that, there was only humour which allowed for a new perspective in my life that i desperately needed at the time.

There are other times when there is a person or people who enter for a season, allowing you a good few months to enter into their world as they enter into yours. These people are the ones where the contemplation of a Season or a lifetime start to race in your mind. These people have only a certain percentage of what it is that is needed for a certain amount of time, they are not compatible with you on all the levels as your “forever” list of people who you have, but have a large percentage of one of your core beings that need some flourishing and growth. A person is made up of several different aspects, several different hobbies, likes and dislikes, values and ethics, wrongs and rights or simply the same long-term goal in life. There are times when your inner self is seeking to fill one major aspect in your life that has been emptied out or neglected for a time being, allowing that “season” person to make an entrance with welcoming hands. You may have been so inundated in self growth, work or family issues that your fun self (the fun that you like to do) is depleted therefore making you off-balance. That is when you realize that you have met a person or people who enjoy the same concept of fun that you have, filling up your empty tank providing you fully with that self you have had no time to water anymore. Lets say you love to dance, yet the possibilities of that happening are rare cause of the life style you are leading, but your unknown reason for your slight aggression allows you to open up to this new friend that actually enjoys dancing too. You go out, you meet new people with the same specific interest as you start to feel refreshed again, you blossom with the intensity of fulfilling a part of you that has been waiting for you to pay attention to. Other situations could be with anything else that is a core being of who you are that you have neglected, be it religion, self-help, painting, human psychology or even as simple as your true love of watching movies cause it fulfills a part of you that needs to be constantly fulfilled. The point being that these people have a tendency to come in for a while, providing you with an essential part of who you are through the activity that can offer you that essential part.

The big trick in this is that there is always the possibility of having the “Season” person turn out to be a “Lifetime” person. As it just so happens there are other core doors that are being fulfilled, there are other aspect of this new person that keep popping up (all in due time) that you find slow comfort in. It may all start with feeling that this person is there to offer you the dancing that you have been craving, then out of no where there is a need for something else and you look around and find that the “dancing person” has also become the “self-help” part of you. Then the poetry you have always written or the type of books you have always been interested in seem to go hand in hand with the same person who has been your “dancing and self-help person”. The doors may keep opening allowing the core of both these people to become in harmony with one another, discovering new insights and learnings, the possibilities become endless. Or the door ends there with a few of your vital being, as other doors of your difference start to pop open. In either case, i have come to believe, that it is not everyday that you meet someone who can have more than one of your core self and beliefs. I have come to understand and appreciate the beauty of communication at a higher level of understanding. There are people out there who may have an abundance of possibilities with, who help you better yourself as you help then do the same. A positive growth begins to happen, a word, a gesture, a common ground, a common thought that allows a balance between the two. And maybe they are only there for a season or maybe they are there for a lifetime, at the end it doesn’t really matter cause they are there and they are complementing what and who you are at this moment in time, that is all that really matters. I call this type of person a “Suki” and in that person the doors open gently to a better understanding of life with comfort, harmony and ease that is the breath of fresh air that has been a whisper of joy upon to my aching heart.