Alcohol-The ways of the bottle

It is always a wonder how people have the appetite to get completely intoxicated by an enormous abundance of alcohol once they go out at night. What I have a hard time understanding is the amazing ability people have of forgetting the pain they suffer the next day, or the disgraceful behavior they put themselves through once they exceed the social limits of drinking.

If you look at it from a completely different point of view you will come to realize that the person who chose to drink all night long has lost a whole day and a half of their lives. Half a day was spent in complete delusion and the next day in agonizing pain, unable to do anything other than lie in bed in hopes their body will gain its normality again.

I was always one to drink and party, one to go all the way and enjoy myself in the luxuries of the joyful night life. In due time and probably cause of my daily desire to party I started to minimize my outings realizing that days were passing me by and myself image was deteriorating. I was losing touch with all the wonderful possibilities that life was offering me because I was too busy partying with the moon and falling asleep with the rise of the sun.  As I grew older and started to work my outings would be limited to weekends allowing a few hours of daylight delight before the grand gesture to escape into the warmth and safety of my bed. A few years of that life and I was starting to wonder what it was like to have a weekend from dusk till dawn fully alert and able to function headache and nausea free.  I quit drinking for eight years and life looked completely different. When I would go out at night with my friends I was still completely hyper and active dancing the night away with the utmost of pleasure. The shocker was seeing a lot of my friends splattered on the dance floors, toppling over every time they tried to get up or hitting on people that were truly despicable to the sober eye.

My days were filled with the warmth of the sun, the depth of my conscious mind started growing in ways that only day life was able to accomplish. I saw what all the other people saw and felt their glory of the wonders of a completely sober life. Naturally as life always tries to balance a person out and allows them to choose their path I started to suffocate from my own rule of no drinking. I slowly started to incorporate a glass of wine into my outings or an apple Martine, making my head feel light after just a few sips. To me this was a great accomplishment, I was what people call, a cheap date, and I felt honored to be just that. Not that I was a drunk before , but my tolerance for alcohol was very high making me able to hold up a lot of liquor in my system before I got even tipsy. Strangely enough my outings to night clubs started decreasing and my desire to intoxicate myself started to slowly deplete. In time I became a moderate drinker, most of my outings were alcohol free and maybe every few months I would have a few drinks then be turned off by it completely. Even the close to nothing that I would have was ruining my next days and that was starting to get on my nerves allowing me to push away further and further from perceiving alcohol as a pleasure drink.

I returned back to heavy drinking when I met and married my ex husband. It was one of my only remedies and means of self expression. The more he kept telling me that I am not allowed to drink the more I drank, I wanted to rebel in one way or another, but my rebellion was only self harming. I was unable to understand why he was allowed to drink and I was not allowed to, I hated the chauvinism that I was forced to live and abide by. A year and half after the divorce my true nature came in floods and I slowly went back to a drink every once in a while or a few drinks in heavy clubbing outings. My tolerance level had risen again by then and I was unable to feel the buzz of the alcohol until I had managed to sedate myself with a few more glasses. In due time and because I missed my old self and my realizations about life I took an alcohol break. I despised its taste and one glass of wine would turn me into mush. A severe depression would always hit me the next day and in turn would ruin the next few days of my life. As the detachment from Alcohol came my way I started to see people in a different light, the outings were not as fun as they used to be, my friends were acting very strange when they were under the influence of alcohol. Men would turn aggressive and extremely silly and women would become incoherent and slutty. I visualized myself in their shoes and realized what a humiliating state of mind these people are in, and realizing that I was in that state years back without realizing how silly I must have been.

In all fairness I harbor no ill feelings towards people who choose to intoxicate themselves on special occasions or every single night, it is their life to miss out on. The reality of the matter is that I consciously choose not to be a part of that life style and with that choice I have found an array of people who can have a drink or two some nights without having to dilute their whole system with alcohol, making the outings much more interesting to indulge in. There are those who enjoy their alcohol to crazy degrees and have a huge amount of tolerance to it and I do enjoy their company immensely but at the end of the day once I feel things are getting out of control and I may lose respect for that person, I hop in a cab and go back home to the warmth of my bed knowing that I have a long day ahead of me to bask in the sun and enjoy coffees and lunches with an abundance of friends who also chose to have only one or two glasses the night before.

There is a lot more to life than pouring alcohol into your system until delusion hits and spending the rest of the next day searching for things and ways to remove the remains of the night before. The celebration of occasions does not have to include intoxication to abnormal degrees. The joy of it is tremendously short yet the pain after is longer lasting and not worth the few hours of complete self humiliation. As a reiki healer, I am told not to heal anyone if I am under the influence of alcohol, the reason being is that my energy would not be aligned right with me, not being able to provide the person in need of the right healing they deserve to get from me. It closes off my intuitive self and distorts my reality for at least a day or two after, making my one mission in life impossible to accomplish on a daily basis.

I have yet to understand those who still continue to abuse their bodies and humiliate themselves past the age of 30. The married people who have kids and go back home drunk and are unable to wake up in the mornings to care for their children. The young adults who have work the next day and might be responsible for a few members of their family’s security and dignity, The single person who finds no other way of truly enjoying their evening outside of alcohol, or the forty year old who still feels like talking with a slurr and picking up women in the presence of his wife and friends is sexy. I tend to see this as a wakeful state of slumber as life passes them by and their only concerns are where to travel to be able to party the hardest. They miss out on the beauty of their life and what the world has to offer them of excitement and new discoveries, only to drown in the depth of their sorrows and dance with the moon neglecting the arrival of the sun that wants to show them the beauty around them.

 

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A new meaning to life

It has been a long internal and external journey in the last few weeks. Things happened in my world that have caused a great shit of my paradigm. First and foremost my country has set a profound new way of having a revolution allowing the world to see, yet again, how amazing the Egyptians truly are. In the midst of all the pain they had been suffering for years they found courage to fight the system. They found their voice within the rubble. They awakened their senses to demand respect. The pride I hold in my heart for the first chapter of such a great revolution is beyond words and for the first time in a very long time I thirst to go back home. I desire to be a part of a new beginning, to engulf myself within an awakened nation and help in re-building it’s new foundation.

In less than a month a new heartbeat was acquired for the people of Egypt. With such dignified resolve they all held hands and marched to the sounds of their long lost freedom. A distant echo that arouse with every step they took towards Tahreer square, towards their freedom, towards a brighter future gave them the courage to take back what was fairly theirs all along.

As I sat everyday watching the magnitude of what was taking place the urge to be a part of that kept growing stronger and stronger within my heart and soul. I was in touch with everyone I knew there and what I didn’t get through watching the news I happily got from my friends who were part of the revolution. Throughout all this I kept dreaming of a new Egypt as self induced images kept manifesting themselves within my mind, images would pop out at me of clean streets, controlled traffic and self  fulfilled people. A constant flow of Bubbles kept floating out of my mind producing numerous ideas of all the different ways I could help Egypt become what it was meant to be more than 60 years ago engulfed my every thought.

Today I am sure that there is no other place I would rather be than in Egypt, my confusion seems to have found peace within the confines of freedom and the new change. The boredom I have been suffering from has blossomed into a new meaning to live, and my purpose in life has been finally found. Maybe I will hate it once I am there, and maybe I wont, but regardless of what will happen I am able to sternly say, there is nothing worth living for if not to make this world a better place for all of humanity.

Rush…Rush….the world will end

Life is one big rush after the next, as if the whole world may collapse if we don’t get to that meeting on time, or we stop at an orange light instead of speeding past it, or go buy those shoes we saw on tv for an up coming party, or making it to that dreaded dinner outing, or taking a minute long shower when your body desires an hour, or buying that perfect tie for the boss to be impressed, or making sure to buy a new outfit for that party you MUST go to, or taking that training course that will be of no use to you regardless of how often you may change jobs.

How many of the things we do in our lives acquire us to run around like headless chickens? Will the world come to an end if we don’t get to work at 8am sharp? What exactly will happen to humanity and the earth if we all took a step back and distributed our daily errands with kindness to ourselves!

Stress has become something that is hard to detect especially when you spend your whole day going from one place to the next, trying to please everyone else in your life but you. You come to assume that the reason you saturate your days and nights with irrelevant things to do is due to your specific type of personality. You tell yourself “It’s cause I am a go getter and I like to do a million things in one go.” You start to believe it so much that when your body starts to cry out for help, you brush it off telling yourself that it’s the food your eating that is causing your body such trauma. So then you incorporate a diet to follow that eats up more of your already incredibly busy schedule instead of dedicating that extra hour for personal, mindless, quiet time.

I was accused of being stressed by the doctor I went to recently. I refused to acknowledge what he was trying to tell me due to the fact that I could not find any reason to be stressed. I interjected his lecture and told him that I was not stressed and to please find a real cause for all the ailments I was divulging to him.

When you are always on the run in life, it is hard to make out the difference between stress and a stress free life. We all rush from one thing to the next as we are thinking of a few other things that we are supposed to do. We don’t know what it is like NOT to be stressed and therefore when we are told that the reason for our stomach aches, headaches, dizziness etc.. is due to stress we refuse to see it. Actually we CAN’T see it. It is when we are on one of our vacations that we come to realize that we are actually relaxed, we have no errands to run, no work to rush to, no meaningless past times to attend to and no phone calls we HAVE to answer to. The best time to feel the difference between a stress free you and a stressed out you are the two days after your arrival into your typical life routine.